B's

My one child who is allergic to bees, got stung. Again. Like he's a bee magnet!

I would post photos of his last scrape with them... but its scary. This go-round he only was hit once. On the wrist. Much better than on the face, but still not pleasant. So yesterday, when he was attacked- his spot swelled up a little. Not too bad, the ice and benedryl helped a lot. Still, I sat- Epi-pen at the ready just in case.

This morning he wakes up with his whole fore arm swollen, and starts throwing up.

Nothing like an early morning dash to the Docs... where more Benedryl (and get the kids an ice cream would ya?! He's been through a lot!!) were suggested. 15 minutes of a movie and a 4 hour nap later- I think he just might survive.

The bees anyway-

2 weeks

I head back to campus in 2 weeks. All I have to show for this summer is a sunburn, a few extra pounds, and a huge stack of fluff books that have kept me from complete insanity.

I currently am looking forward to the stress and frenzy of back to school shopping for the kids, re-arranging 8+ schedules, and trying to figure out how to afford it all. Financial aid is a great thing... but it sucks getting it THE DAY BEFORE classes start. Nothing like the last nimute rush! haha. Ha.

Throw all that in with the fact that my hubbys mood swings are totally confusing, and I rarely KNOW if/ when he is coming home. Or leaving. Or working. Or anything.

Ahh the nightmare of a life long obnoxious organizer. Welcome!

Sunny summer Sunday

Nothing like waking up after a pretty cruddy day to a bunch of grouchy. Just when I started to feel like pulling myself off the couch from the fetal postion, WOW.

The emotional rollercoaster I call life- Is about more than I can handle.

Anyone know where the pause button is?

bummer of a day

I spent all morning in a mood. Not really mad or sad or anything I could put my finger on- just blah. Curl up on the couch and wishing someone would just hug and hold me.

I went to the dr with my oldest daughter, and that took up a huge chunk of the day. Came home and made dinner... and went out with the hubby for a kid free meal.

but I am still in a fog.

bummer.

Rain

Finally- we got a little relief from the scorching heat here in the Pacific Northwest. Its been ... warm to say the least. I had forgotten how much I love the rain- the sounds, and smells of it. I just feel like a totally different person.

Way back (in ancient times) I lived in Georgia. Land of perpetual green-ness. It rained every day I was there, and I LOVED it. Felt like a fresh start, a new beginning. Hope. Everyday.

I know its weird, a lot of people think grey, cold, depressing. It just makes me happy. Nothing better than a rainy day, a big window to watch it. Cozy up on the couch with a hot cup of cocoa, a thick blanket and a fluffy book. Creamy potato soup on the stove and fresh bread baking up in the oven.

Heaven on earth? Pretty close if you ask me.

Schedules

I just got my schedule for my classes, and now get to try and sort out the notorious Kid Shuffle. Actually, I like the logistics part of being a mom- I feel like I have a little control by keeping on top of whats going on.

Mine starts a week before they all head back- and I am sure it will be crazy... the typical chaos that I have been missing this summer.

Busy is good- I seem to be able to get more accomplished if I have a lot of things to take care of rather than having an open schedule. I don't seem to know what to do with myself :)

Blue

I feel lonely. Alone. Like no one understands or gets me. I am surrounded by 7 of the best people in the world, and I still cry. I worry, I feel inadequate. I feel taken advantage of and disregarded. I feel empty. I feel responsible. I feel like I do what has to be done, and there is no room for anything else. Pressure. Blah. Nothing.

I can't sleep, my mind won't slow down. I don't understand. I am hurt. I am lost.

I don't write, because it hurts. I don't talk because what is there to say? So I try and hold on. Waiting for a tomorrow that will be not much different than today. The struggle, the tired, the confused, the same.

Here I am.