Square peg, round hole?

So I sit here and wonder what exactly IS my deal. I seem to always be about a half step behind, never quite where I think I should be.

Kind of always felt like I was one of those Outside Looking In people. Boy does that suck. I was a cheerleader in high school- but never one of the "popular kids." I do pretty well with my classes, but by no means do I feel like I fit in there either.

Even with college, I feel not quite up to everyone elses level. Like I'm in a totally different orbit, all of my own.

Some ladies from class were planning to stay on campus yesterday afternoon and study for last nights exam. I had to run and do the kid pick up. drop off, make dinner, make sure every one was set... and rush back to class myself. When I got back, they were all sitting around, studying and visiting and having a good time. They went to Red Robin for dinner, visited... wow.

That's just a completely different world than the one I live in. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to do that. Something as simple and unimportant as that- just to be a part of "the group" rather just being the one who watches.

But that's not where I am, or who I am. I don't know why it bothers me, but sometimes it is harder to see than other times. This time was hard-

Clara Lovin'

Clara loves... everything.

Not just everyone... everyTHING. Today at the $100 store (aka Wally World) I was busy pulling out a huge stack of Totinos from the freezer.... and I heard a laugh behind me. As I turned around thinking what did I do NOW?! I see the lady pointing at my cart saying "ahhhhhh How cute!!!" Now that I know she wasn't refering to me :) I see what Clara was doing.

Evidentally I left the cart close to the side of the bread isle... UNLIKE MOST WALMART SHOPPERS who just stop mid stream, thankyouverymuch. I left the cart and Miss Clara close enough to the bread that she could reach over and touch it.

In her constant search for lovin' she pulled out a loaf and found it to be quite cuddly. Pulled it out a little farther and hugged on it some more. The lady had watched her pull and snuggle, then look around to see if I was watching, then pull and cuddle some more. Ahhh forbidden love~

Oh for the love of whole wheat!

Career change~

I am seriously considering a career change.

I could be a zoo keeper. I have loads of experience feeding herds at a time. I am used to cleaning up after monkees. I think this really could work out for me. The animals don't really care or notice who takes care of them, as long as they are. It really wouldn't be much of a change in that regard.

The animals wouldn't complain about what was made for dinner, wouldn't fight with each other over who touched who's stuff.

Hummm. I might have found something there. I mean, the worst the zoo animals could do is throw Poo at you- and after all these kids.... That's nothing.

Either that or get a wife. Then I wouldn't have to worry about Poo at all!

No sleep, 2 tests and a sick baby~

Pretty much sums up my week.

I did manage to pull out an A- on my Micro test... not bad for a single, post migraine night of cramming :) Dude, I'll take it!!

Had a Chem test on Friday... not too bad- but keeping my fingers crossed none the less.

Now my main focus is on the latest round of "The Crud" I think I passed it on to The 2...maybe 3 shortest ones. And I am feeling their pain. Literally. The headaches, the fever...the "JUST HOLD ME!!!" I think I had at least one, sometimes more than one semi-permanently attached to my physical being for the better part of yesterday. And last night. And this morning.

Seriously need to work on the "pause life button."

Press Pause to ... Breathe...think...react...move the child's head away from my face... just the important things, ya know?

Still waiting for the lotto win so I can hire a nanny... then I would just have the privilege of paying her to watch me as I did everything myself anyway. Because only Mooooooooooooooooooommmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa will do when you aren't feeling good.

In other news...

Besides purty van adventure... this past week was quite full. Well, maybe it was just the weekend- it went way too fast.

3 Bob birthdays, my nephew (1/13)- my brother (1/19) and my dad. (1/21) I know we have a bunch in July too- but ours are spread through out the month... thats still a lot of cake though!!

I had a MicroBiology test... and true to form, planned to do all my major studying the weekend before the test. First tests of the quarter are always a little anxious, especially with a new instructor. Not sure how he tests, how much BS you can actually get away with...and what the heck you are supposed to be studying anyway.

Saturday I picked up the van, got hit with a monster migrain, fell on the icy steps and slept until about mid day Sunday. Takes a chunk out of your weekend, if you are sleeping through it. Not restful sleep either- dang it... sleep is nice!!

But the weekend study time was non existent...and I fell into my usual up all night the day before the test. Quiet time is hard to find around here!! I think the test went ok- but I find out tonight. Cross your fingers for me.

Lots to do... but it is very cold and slow moving this morning. More tests, more dishes, more laundry... not what I am looking forward to. More coffee- now I could get motivated for that!!

Oh man... I just lapsed into chemistry brain. "how many calories of energy will it take to raise the temperature enough for my fingers to regain feeling?!" And all I wanted was a latte!!!

The number you have dialed....

Beep- Beep- BEEEEP. We're sorry. The life you have selected is not compatible with "The real world" as the rest of us know it. We have things set up for families of 2 parents and 2-3 children. Motels accept 3 children, per room- with an adult present. There are limits on the amount of children companies think 1 adult can supervise. THESE DON'T INCLUDE YOU. Neener neener. Please feel free to continue to beat your head against wall, and thanks for calling. Have a nice day!! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Do people "out there" think it's easy to have a herd of monkees? Do they think that we have so many other opportunities that we should be pointed at, discussed, and pretty much hosed over at every available turn?

Take for instance, my yesterday.

We went and bought a 15 passenger people moving van. BIG VAN. Nobody does this for the usual reasons one would go buy a new car. It's not fancy, not fast, sexy, exciting...it MOVES huge amounts of people from one place to another. I have 7 kids...and 2 (more) grown up type people to shuttle around. Daily. Sometimes we actually like to go to the same places, AT THE SAME TIME. In the same car would be a nice idea, don't cha think? Well, I did. Silly me.

So my dad helped me find one- Thanks Dad!! And it was local, not tore up, somewhat newer than the Beast, and would fit all the monkees and groceries too. Wow- Happy lady. For a minute- I forgot my place in the universe where I am supposed to be humble and unobtrusive while I raise my children in peace and relative weird-ness that comes from having a Herd rather than just a brother. Or just a sister.

So I got my Purdy van on Saturday. The insurance guy was closed on the weekend, but I had no worries. He is the same guy that saved my hiney from a pre-dawn deer incident on the New Mexico border- but that is another story. Grab a coffee- I'll tell you about that one later.

Any who- Monday, they were closed for the holiday (Betcha didn't know my dad had such an important birthday, did you???) Tuesday was my crazy school day, so Wednesday morning I drove over, all smug in my people moving prowess... kids strapped in, van still shiny and with the new car smell...

And was told it was un-insurable. "Maybe you could tell the dealer you can't insure it, and see if he'll take it back for ...ummm... well, something smaller doesn't work- does it?! Maybe you could get commercial coverage, or just carpool."

UUUUGHGHGHGHGHGGHHHHHHH!!

So not only am I pressed into the finger pointing lime light AGAIN.... "Hey ma did ya see the size of that thar van!!" now, I CAN'T have said van...because its too big. I wondered, briefly, if I should have just bought a short bus instead.

Deep breath. Crap.

Finally got some coverage, the agent happened to be the wife of an old friend. Small town life strikes again... but she was uber helpful, and we're all set. I never thought about the kids being a commercial venture, but hey- what ever gets your vehicle covered. So watch out. It's big. It's red. You can see us coming...Yes. Big Van, lots of kids. And they are mine. All of 'em. I have had 14 years of diapers people... You know I am on the edge. Don't make things MORE difficult for me!!

Back into the grind

Mondays are horrible. I'm sure I am the first to bring this to your attention.

It takes the 2 weekend days to start to wind down enough to actually start thinking about rest and recuperation... so when you are ready for it (Usually late Sunday) the cruel joke is that you have to get up on Monday.

I think the kids are in on the joke- you can't get them out of bed for anything on a weekday. Well anything reasonable... threats and promises eventually stop working. But come the weekend- they are up before the sun.

How wrong and twisted is THAT? Just another thing they leave out of the "So you are a parent now...(snicker snicker!)" book. Really someone should write about how parenthood REALLY is. Global population issues would cease to be a problem.

Well, that and personal experience with the smelly end of an 18 month old is also a pretty powerful deterrent.

So anyway. Monday is here. Not as ready for it as I'd like to be... but it's here none the less. Better pull on the boots and start wading...