just another day

Every day around here is an adventure. We run the gamit on emotions, frustrations, joy, and pain. Somedays are rough, other days are rougher. All the "surprises" and unexpected... everythings sure can pile up. And in a hurry. Nothing is gradual around here~

A body'd think you would get used to it, find other ways to deal with it. No big deal... this happens, not all the time but it has happened before and will happen again. Calm and relaxed...

In my dreams maybe! Emotion, and reactions aren't logical. Aren't predictable. Are completely unreliable. And so are people. You revert back to what works.

And when things pile up, and its a lot to handle- like when the kids are sick, or tired, or bored- are injured, or could be hurt- I launch right into defense mode. It's not always pretty thing, but it seems to be what works. Throw up the defenses and prepare for the on slaught.

Even when I know I shouldn't be mad, (most of the time its just sad. And frustrating) but it can still get a rise out of me... No matter how much I wish it wouldn't.

I can feel myself heading that way. I don't necessarily like it, but thats what I do, thats what works. We survive... and thats what matters, right?

Tuesday...breath...Its only Tuesday.

Anxiety- the fuel of life.

I went into town this morning, for an immunization I needed updated for school, and went ALL. ALONE. For the first time in over 6 weeks, I spent 37 minutes kid free.

Weird I tell ya, but much needed. I got to see a friend, pay to be poked, and breath.

Now back to the anxiety of life- If it weren't for the stress of "ITS coming!" "What's going to happen" "Can I really get through this" "What did I sign up for" WHY?!?!?!" ...

I would have a peaceful paradise of a life. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and not have to worry. About a thing. But then again I would probably not have the motivation to da anything at all- and be bored and whine about that. So I guess a little anxiety is a good motivatior- putting a little extra "git" in the ole git-a-long, just to provide the necessary spark to get through another day. But there is a tolerance level, just enough to get me off of my tookus- and not so much that I want to sit in a dark corner rocking and drooling on my shirt. Currently I find myself leaning towards the corner a little more than I would like to admit.

But here is a terrible thought, maybe I am so used to the high anxiety levels that it now takes a semi truckful just to register on the radar. And by the time it does register... Oh boy!

Depressing, much.

But today, I had a breath. And it was good. And the world didn't crash in on itself. Now I just need to figure out how to breathe on a regular basis. That would be good.

Random Acts os Summer

Here are random shots of our July- no rhyme or reason. Just like us.

Why, YES

I am a slacker. Thanks for asking.

In the midst of a small anxiety fit here...I have so much I should be doing I seem to be inexplicitly immobile. The overactive brain matter is on warp speed, the body... stuck in reverse.

I place the blame on life. Marriage. Kids. Grocery lists. Gas prices. School supply shopping. Housework. Yard work. Upcoming homework. The possibility I will have to do something, freak out about what will be involved with said something, what can go wrong... how to prepare for it... and then it never happening.

Pretty much anything having to do with responsibility or growing up, 'cause you KNOW the two aren't always meaning the same thing.

I think I am tired. Not quite sure, but I think that may be the issue. My brain is definitely smoking like my vacuum cleaner with the constantly clogged tube. WAY too much bouncing around in there, it's hard to sort it out. Break it down into little bite sized pieces.

I wonder if it's possible to choke on it?

But see- THAT is how my brain is- totally off on 300 tangents, and I can't get a coherent thought out, let alone formulate a rational plan to get it off my mind. Hurry up... and wait. But firsts... catch 22's... UGH.

Any clues how to find life's "pause button?" With my luck I would end up in an I Love Lucy re-run... instead of pausing I would end up making the conveyor belt run faster (and run out of places to stash the chocolate.)

Once again, treading the water.

Between insurance phone calls, calls to the school, appointments, upcoming visits, plans, revised plans... Billy is out of town, Speech therapy is cancelled, the summer school schedule, trying to figure out the dogs glitch, bubbles, frustrations, dishes, diapers, attitudes, headaches and bad hair days... I am about fried.

Uncle.

UNCLE.

Met an older lady at the post office today, she asked a question and then proceeded to apologize telling me that she was just having a Monday. I told her she wasn't alone.

Sugar Rush

Wow- we lived through the July birthdaze BBQ... I have had so much sugar I can hardly breathe. I can't begin to fathom how much the kids have ingested.

Be back when the buzz wears down~ pictures soon!!

ummm- Yeah. THAT worked.

SO much for my big plans and my 3.75 seconds of motivation and ambition.

Kids : 7968522258

Mom: 1 or 2.

Maybe.

kiddie pool maintenence

Here in the Kiddie Pool, the water is getting a bit cloudy. As in the kids have trashed the house, and I am too freakin tired to keep up- and clean up after them all day long. Since ALL the little monkees are here at home. With me. Whining about the state of boredom...Momma has a plan. With a supply of Momma Juice (defined as anything the kids aren't allowed to drink, usually contains at least a little alcohol... sometimes more than others) in the fridge and a house that looks like a disaster zone, the monkees will be bored no more. And knowing I have the Juice to fall back on after my long day of AAARGHHHHHH! I think I can survive. Possibly. In all likely hood, it will still be sitting there a month from now... I tend to use its presence to give me courage :) The whines have been updated to ones listing my meanie-ness. They are already, as a group, decided I am the meanest mom EVER- a title I take from my own mother of course ---Thanks mom!!! I couldn't have done it without your example... --- Right at this very moment they, my adoring children, are debating (loudly) the REASONS why I am so mean. Which is more important? The fact that I won't let them have cheese cake for their 4th breakfast of the day... or that I SMILED when I said, I didn't want hear about it (anything) until their rooms are clean. JJ even thinks that I am a meeeeener 'cause. Just 'Cause. I get the "kid logic" about how "it's not fair" and "Why do I have to" and "I didn't do it!!" or "I ALWAYS have to..." So yes, team- we shall not be bored. Busy, whining, complaining- sure! Bored? Nope. The house shall be scrubbed, and naps will be taken, and moms sanity will remain on the single (last) nerve available. I can keep them busy enough to tire them out, right? YES. I. CAN. My only concern is that they might outlast me~