Turbulence

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -Bernice Johnson Reagon

I don't men to get all philosophic on ya, but paralyzed is about the best way to describe my mindset lately.

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. -Joshua J. Marine

IT has been bumpy around here folks, I can't say that it hasn't been challenging. Mind breakingly, freakishly, overwhelmingly difficult. And it doesn't look to be getting any easier anytime soon.

So in attempt to remind myself to breathe... I need to remember that...

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" - Sydney J. Harris

Exactly.

Stuck.

School is BIG. Its big no matter if you are in 1st grade, or 3rd grade, or 8th grade. Its BIGGGGG when you are in college too.

Scary big. Sit in the corner and rock yourself BIG. 1 week into classes, 2 weeks into the single parent (while daddy-o is working out of town) thing, 3 days from the monkees ALL going back to school... BBBBIIIIGGGGGGGGG.

And I think I am stuck. There is so much I wanted to do, but didn't. So much I would rather be doing, but can't. Supplies for school I should have bought, but ran out of time. The huge stack of text books staring me down- I should studying, but its like I am frozen.

With all there is to do I can't seem to find a place to start. Its overwhelming to the point where I just want to sit and cry... I keep waiting for someone to tell me that I really shouldn't be here... that they made a mistake... Oh so sorry!!

But until they realize their mistake, I have to figure out how to keep from sinking.

One of the instructors was talking today about how the first few weeks were rough... then things would start to gel, and come together. She said until then we all had to just tread water enough to keep our heads up until then.

She must not realize how long some of us have been treading water for already.

Back in the grind~

First day of my classes- the kids are still running wild for another week. I don't know why, but I seem to be a lot more excited about them going back to school than they are :)

But until then, the chaos level around here just keeps getting higher and higher...

At least it never gets boring!!

Wednesday, Thursday, Happy day...

I have completed the first 2 days of Nursing Orientation. It was long. It was scary. I feel SO intimidated... but I made it here- so I must have been doing something right.

I'm starting to think I might actually be able to do this thing. Maybe. The instructors seem amazing, and the rest of my class are even more than amazing. I get to go through all this with people that I know and know I can count on- and I am starting to lose the anxious, and gain the excited.

Sleep deprivation, and fast food meals- here I come!!

Now THATS a birthday

As previously mentioned, Birthdays and I don't get along too well. In fact the only good thing EVAH to come 'round my dreaded B-day is...

Yet another birthday.

THIS birthday is much better- much more worth celebrating. And this was a good one!

Little Miss Clara turned 2 today- and was spoiled rotten- as it should be. Gifts and cupcakes and balloons and new dresses- the little girly girl had a great day. And her good day, pretty much wipes my not so good one away.

Thanks Claire~ you always find a way make momma smile :)

breathe out...pause....deep breath

Looks like I am jumping back into the fray.

In the past week I have ... had to say good bye. I met new people, and got to visit with an old friend. I had great phone calls, and tearful emails. I dealt with what I had to, survived what I thought would be unbearable, and am still here to tell the tale. I was scared, anxious, lonesome, and sad. I was brave, and in the moment, supported and true.

I got to go out, had the chance to stay in. I laughed, and I cried. I (hopefully) showed my kids how to be stronger than you think you can be. I was supported and supporting, and showed them that I will always be there for them. No matter what, no matter when, no matter why.

Last week I Lived.

It was hard. It was bumpy, but I kept it together and kept my head above water. For the most part- and that's what counts. THIS week looks terrifying, and exciting all mixed together...that's how this week begins.

Stop.

Take a deep breath.

I'm headed back in...

diving back in for more...

Oh- another fun filled and exciting Birthday survived. Man, I hate those things. If I could wipe this date out of existence- I don't think I could find the words to adequately describe the happiness that would bring me.

THAT date tend to draw "bad things" in like a toilet drain. Everything gets twisted around, and it goes down hill from there. And none of it is any good.

Honestly, THAT date literally makes me ill. There have been MANY cancelled parties, trips to the circus...and other activities... due to my many birthdays as well as my tendency to blow chunks before the festivities.

I know. You wish you were me.

To add to this wonderful pattern of disasters, sprinkle in (more than a couple) of forgotten ones. Mis-remembered ones... and a tip to all you hubbies out there- DON'T EVER argue with your wife on when her birthday is. She knows when it is. Honest.

I have had a few birthdays that came with life altering news... and that's always a nice added stressor. Come ON!! Getting old... (older) is traumatic enough- don't you agree? Knowing that it comes hand in hand with some always unexpected twist- that is completely and totally predictable in its uniqueness~ it about sucks the life out of you!

And I hate those surprises.

But somehow- I manage to survive. Survived another one- and hope next years will be better. What ELSE could happen? I really REALLY don't want to know~