Family Fun

I have been so busy lately I have forgotten a lot of things. Gas, groceries, to eat... I have also had a few near misses. I DID remember to put on pants, the Twinners birthday, and to make the family reunion.

It was so great to see a lot of my cousins again, I have been really really out of touch- and that bothers me. Family is important, and I really should make more of an effort.

Yep, another work in progress... and I will attempt to get at least a photo up, there were short people and flying food EVERYwhere... good times, good times!!

I enjoyed it, and next year I will try to come a little better rested. I hear CornBall is fantastic!!

The terrible 2's

Why YES, the twinners had a birthday~ thanks for (reminding me) remembering!

They got flowers and balloons from Daddy-O, sent to their classes even!! They got a big pink birthday cake, and got to ride the bus to Grandmas for dinner.

They were spoiled by lavish displays of gifts, bling, stationary, cards, cash, and NEW SHOES!!!!

They said to make sure I wrote about the SHOES. Its all about the SHOES!!!!

I would post photos here, but that would have meant I had to remember to charge the camera, bring the camera, and USE the camera. 3 step process for a currently one step existence... Grandma saved the day :) I'll have to get copies from her~

But it was nice, and good, and they haven't lost or destroyed anything yet... so the birthday was a good one. Happy 9 my ladies~ I am scattered, but I still love ya the mostest!!

I... I will survive. Maybe.

Hello. My name is Amy. I am a student.

I have always heard that the first step towards recovery is to admit to having a problem.

And Boy Howdy... do I~

School is hard. But really its NOT school (so we have been told) its a "Professional Program. " Which I have come to realize means, more work, more expected... like giving up your life, not remembering to eat... forgetting what your kids look like. Running out of gas because you are too busy to remember to fill up the tank, not to mention having tuition costs (as well as NON tuition but still education related expenses) that keep you from ever wanting to look at your bank account - ever again. No sleep, full on stress about whats going on tomorrow (you can't begin to wrap your over worked mind about anything past tomorrow!) Never being able to "turn your brain off" and second guessing EVERY little tiny thing you do. Is this thinking critically? Did I remember all the steps? Remembering that taking someones vitals DOES NOT counting YOUR pulse rate when you are trying to check someone elses.

I tend to multi task and have the distant pleasure of typically counting BOTH the victim (I meant patient!!! PATIENT!) and my own. Mine is fine in practice, but get an instructor there to check me off- MY half of my the double pulse is usually higher :)

Honestly, I am not a completely inept air head, I just have senior moments "RELATED TO" increased stress, and lack of sleep. Food. sanity.

Exhausted, doesn't begin to cover it. The stress of the "unknown" isn't helping. Doing this mom thing on my own while Daddy-o is off workin' is definitely taking its toll on me. I am here physically, with them... but that is usually the time they are supposed to be sleeping. Heck, they don't even remember what dinner is SUPPOSED to be like, and have starting asking "which box is for dinner" rather than an actual food. And Pizza Hut and I are starting an affair- They deliver. Not that I have "forgotten" that the fridge is empty, or that I ate the last frozen chunk of Totinos in a middle of the night study/ scarf fest....

Is it NORMAL (YES, I know that normal is relative to the baseline...) to forget to eat? Not sleep because you have WAC and RCW statues running through your mind? Or waking up, after drooling all over your lap top... to realize that you have been trying to figure out a nursing diagnosis for Sponge Bobs case if The Suds?!

I tell ya, if they still had a bar across the campus, it would have nursing students living there.

But, scary as it seems, there are moments where I feel like I can actually pull this off. Maybe. There are seconds where this feels like I have been waiting my whole life to feel like I was actually going to be doing something that other people valued, and respected. That when I get old and have to fill out admit paperwork...I will have something to write into the box of "what was your greatest accomplishment." I just want to matter, make a difference... and this feels like the right path. Like this is what I have been supposed to do, and I just figured that out.

I get the bad, the hard, the mind numbing-ness of this program, and as hard as it is (and damn skippy I will be complaining) but the brief flashes of AHHhhh YEA! are amazing. Not quite as invigorating, energizing, or often as I would like...yet... they still show enough glimmer, to tease me just enough, to keep it up.

As long as I can keep my eyes open anyway!

Turbulence

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -Bernice Johnson Reagon

I don't men to get all philosophic on ya, but paralyzed is about the best way to describe my mindset lately.

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. -Joshua J. Marine

IT has been bumpy around here folks, I can't say that it hasn't been challenging. Mind breakingly, freakishly, overwhelmingly difficult. And it doesn't look to be getting any easier anytime soon.

So in attempt to remind myself to breathe... I need to remember that...

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" - Sydney J. Harris

Exactly.

Stuck.

School is BIG. Its big no matter if you are in 1st grade, or 3rd grade, or 8th grade. Its BIGGGGG when you are in college too.

Scary big. Sit in the corner and rock yourself BIG. 1 week into classes, 2 weeks into the single parent (while daddy-o is working out of town) thing, 3 days from the monkees ALL going back to school... BBBBIIIIGGGGGGGGG.

And I think I am stuck. There is so much I wanted to do, but didn't. So much I would rather be doing, but can't. Supplies for school I should have bought, but ran out of time. The huge stack of text books staring me down- I should studying, but its like I am frozen.

With all there is to do I can't seem to find a place to start. Its overwhelming to the point where I just want to sit and cry... I keep waiting for someone to tell me that I really shouldn't be here... that they made a mistake... Oh so sorry!!

But until they realize their mistake, I have to figure out how to keep from sinking.

One of the instructors was talking today about how the first few weeks were rough... then things would start to gel, and come together. She said until then we all had to just tread water enough to keep our heads up until then.

She must not realize how long some of us have been treading water for already.

Back in the grind~

First day of my classes- the kids are still running wild for another week. I don't know why, but I seem to be a lot more excited about them going back to school than they are :)

But until then, the chaos level around here just keeps getting higher and higher...

At least it never gets boring!!

Wednesday, Thursday, Happy day...

I have completed the first 2 days of Nursing Orientation. It was long. It was scary. I feel SO intimidated... but I made it here- so I must have been doing something right.

I'm starting to think I might actually be able to do this thing. Maybe. The instructors seem amazing, and the rest of my class are even more than amazing. I get to go through all this with people that I know and know I can count on- and I am starting to lose the anxious, and gain the excited.

Sleep deprivation, and fast food meals- here I come!!