I remember~

A friend I had growing up just died. I hadn't seen her in years, but was just thinking about her the other day. Today I opened up the paper, and saw the notice. She was 33- just like me. We had dance classes together, went to each others houses for birthdays- I have a picture from the newspaper of us all dressed up at a tea party...

Life is just not fair. I sit here and whine about all my problems and gripes, when they are so unimportant. She was so full of life, and energy- and always smiling. Always.

Cancer is a bitch, it's not fair.

Well, it's not Monday.

Hi. I think I lost my ever lovin' mind.

While dealing with the kids, house, hubby- I went back to school. Traded the "kids-at-home-homeschool" for the "mom-in-college" thing. GUILT. Since I was only taking 2 classes (only...snicker snicker) and the GUILT thing started working overtime. Surely, I should be doing more. So while talking to my friend, I decided to apply for a part time job.

So, in theory, it sounded like a mighty fine idea. I could work 3 days a week, 4 hours a day- around my school schedule. I would get some more experience (looks good for the nursing program interview.) I will get all my re-certification classes paid for- also a plus because I need them for WSU anyway. I also get to bring in a wee bit-o-$$ so I don't feel like a complete leach. I should be making just about enough to cover the gas it's going to cost to get me there.

So this weekend I was training... instead of 4-8, it was 4-10. Both nights. I went in to drop off paperwork, and Suprise!! I had another night of training... with 2 hours notice. 4-8... hahahaha! Got home at around 11. Scheduled for 5 days, not 3... The scheduling kinks are ... well, kinks I have to work through. Re-scheduling and shifiting... not a big deal, just a hassle I wasn't completely prepared for.

I probably didn't think things out carefully enough, the kids are grumpy. The hubby seems a little miffed too- glad I am off the couch and away from the bon bons... but he has to cover the home front while I am away.

I'm sure that is not really anyones idea of a good time :)

So now, I have Im going to school instead of working GUILT. Working when I have a family to take care of GUILT. Buying a big van I needed, but that sucks a lot of gas- STRESS. Keeping the family sane and atteneded to like I was really here when I am not, but not wanting to rock the boat or cause more stress for anyone else- OBSESSION.

Such a mess- when I was only looking to make things easier.

Crap. At least it isn't Monday. Don't think I could take it~

The weak of the week~

It has certainly been a week. Lots going on, all of it monumnetally boring, dreary... not cute in the slightest.

Is it over yet?

I have discovered that migraines are attracted to Biology tests. And this is even before the all nighter study sessions to avoid the "help" of short ones who enjoy paper and pencils more than anyone should. It's also a whole lot quieter at 2:30am... if you don't account for the wind :)

So the Bio test was last night. If I failed miserably, which I have no doubt that I did, I will not be alone. We all filtered out of class, and huddled in little balls on the floor rocking, contemplaiting our collective fates. This is the last in a line of pre-reqs... and it's killing us. Slowly. Painfully. Pain-stakingly cruel.

A pause button. Please?!

But it is now (almost) the weekend... where normal people relax, and take it easy... gearing up for the week ahead. WHO are these people and where do I sign up? Weekends are when I get everything done for the next week, so I can squeeze in an hour or two of sleep... in between study sessions, calls of "MOooooooommmmmmmmmmm", and the always expected "unexpected."

It's always something, right?!

Well, I guess. Back to the grind.... but I will be day dreaming of a beach vacation. Just for sanity's sake. ~ A girls gotta have dreams!!

Square peg, round hole?

So I sit here and wonder what exactly IS my deal. I seem to always be about a half step behind, never quite where I think I should be.

Kind of always felt like I was one of those Outside Looking In people. Boy does that suck. I was a cheerleader in high school- but never one of the "popular kids." I do pretty well with my classes, but by no means do I feel like I fit in there either.

Even with college, I feel not quite up to everyone elses level. Like I'm in a totally different orbit, all of my own.

Some ladies from class were planning to stay on campus yesterday afternoon and study for last nights exam. I had to run and do the kid pick up. drop off, make dinner, make sure every one was set... and rush back to class myself. When I got back, they were all sitting around, studying and visiting and having a good time. They went to Red Robin for dinner, visited... wow.

That's just a completely different world than the one I live in. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to do that. Something as simple and unimportant as that- just to be a part of "the group" rather just being the one who watches.

But that's not where I am, or who I am. I don't know why it bothers me, but sometimes it is harder to see than other times. This time was hard-

Clara Lovin'

Clara loves... everything.

Not just everyone... everyTHING. Today at the $100 store (aka Wally World) I was busy pulling out a huge stack of Totinos from the freezer.... and I heard a laugh behind me. As I turned around thinking what did I do NOW?! I see the lady pointing at my cart saying "ahhhhhh How cute!!!" Now that I know she wasn't refering to me :) I see what Clara was doing.

Evidentally I left the cart close to the side of the bread isle... UNLIKE MOST WALMART SHOPPERS who just stop mid stream, thankyouverymuch. I left the cart and Miss Clara close enough to the bread that she could reach over and touch it.

In her constant search for lovin' she pulled out a loaf and found it to be quite cuddly. Pulled it out a little farther and hugged on it some more. The lady had watched her pull and snuggle, then look around to see if I was watching, then pull and cuddle some more. Ahhh forbidden love~

Oh for the love of whole wheat!

Career change~

I am seriously considering a career change.

I could be a zoo keeper. I have loads of experience feeding herds at a time. I am used to cleaning up after monkees. I think this really could work out for me. The animals don't really care or notice who takes care of them, as long as they are. It really wouldn't be much of a change in that regard.

The animals wouldn't complain about what was made for dinner, wouldn't fight with each other over who touched who's stuff.

Hummm. I might have found something there. I mean, the worst the zoo animals could do is throw Poo at you- and after all these kids.... That's nothing.

Either that or get a wife. Then I wouldn't have to worry about Poo at all!

No sleep, 2 tests and a sick baby~

Pretty much sums up my week.

I did manage to pull out an A- on my Micro test... not bad for a single, post migraine night of cramming :) Dude, I'll take it!!

Had a Chem test on Friday... not too bad- but keeping my fingers crossed none the less.

Now my main focus is on the latest round of "The Crud" I think I passed it on to The 2...maybe 3 shortest ones. And I am feeling their pain. Literally. The headaches, the fever...the "JUST HOLD ME!!!" I think I had at least one, sometimes more than one semi-permanently attached to my physical being for the better part of yesterday. And last night. And this morning.

Seriously need to work on the "pause life button."

Press Pause to ... Breathe...think...react...move the child's head away from my face... just the important things, ya know?

Still waiting for the lotto win so I can hire a nanny... then I would just have the privilege of paying her to watch me as I did everything myself anyway. Because only Mooooooooooooooooooommmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa will do when you aren't feeling good.