Seventeen years ago, I had a beautiful baby boy. My world changed in an instant- and I can't imagine how my life could have ever turned out better than it did- just because I had him.
I was 19... 4 months shy of avoiding the dreaded "teenage pregnancy" label. I was 5 months married to my high school sweetheart- who had joined the military to support his Insta-family. The doctor that delivered me... delivered my boy, while his dad was 3000 miles away. It was the hardest, scariest, lonliest, most awe filled day of my life.
I was almost 3 months pregnant when I discovered why I was sleepy all the time. Nobody tells you that antibiotics and birth control don't mesh well. I thought the doctor was joking. I cried for 3 hours thinking about how disappointed my father would be in me. I told my mom first- and was so relieved that she didn't hate me instantly. I was terrified- but her reaction, her hug, made me stronger. It would be ok...I still remember how it felt to sit on the end of her bed and speak those word... mom, Im pregnant.
Daddy was a different story. I was his baby (and still to this day call him Daddy) and the thought of doing anything- to lessen his opinion of me, was a devistating thought. It took him a little while to come around, but he was my biggest advocate.
I dont remember much about the labor- other than it went fast. Within a couple of hours of realizing that I was having contractions, My baby was here. Daddy drove me and mom to the hospital- and Dad was the one who made sure that the nurses were taking care of me. "Her Mother delivered her fast, and she will go fast too. You'd better get ready~" ... and of course, Daddy was right. Doc made it in just in time to catch :)
I remember NO epidural (I delivered too quickly) and I remember the sting of the episiotomy. I remember my mom on one side and my dad holding my hand on the other. I remember the tears in my Daddys eyes.
I remember looking into that squishy red face, and that I couldn't breathe. I remember handing him, all bundled in blue to my Daddys waiting arms... and I remember my dad saying "You did good."
Through all of lifes ups and downs- My Boy has been my rock. The reason I can stay as close to sane as I can. The reason I always had to try... to MAKE things work... because it was for him. He deserved it.
Last night, My Boy had a houseful of friends over- to help him celebrate his birthday. His smile, the overheard bits of conversation, the laughter- I am so proud of the man he has become, and the man he will be. I know he hasn't had "the perfect" life... but he has a momma who has always tried to do right by him. He may look like his dad- but has been raised by his mom- the true definition of a Mommas boy... in the best possible way.
I have always told him that if he hadn't been so fantastic... he could have easily been an only child. :) And he HATES it when I say that... but I still think I can see the sparkle of pride in his eyes when I do.
He is amazing- in every sense... from the sarcastic humor...to the choices he makes...to the way he looks after his little brothers and sisters...all that curly-girly head of hair... to that phenomonal voice (and the Italian words that he sings!)
I know he isn't the way he is all because of me. I wont even try to take the credit for all of that, but I can't help looking at him today- and hearing the words of my Daddy 17 years ago... "You did good."
Yes. I think I did.
Happy Birthday Billy-YOU are the best.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
whenssssss day.
Wednesday wednesday wednesday. Blah.
Grey and rainy. Nothing planned. Of all the millions of movies we own... NOTHING sounds worth the effort of giving up this couch indent and putting it in. Or even the effort to hollar at a monkee to put one in. :)
I am liking the extra hours at the school... just the down time after... is kinda down. The more I work there, the less attractive the hospital available hours seem. Its hard only working a few hours a week there- I feel like I have to re-learn everything every time I go back. Not so good for the confidence :/
makes my mind wonder... not necessarily a good thing!!
So I sit here and ponder possibilities... moving to the Coast and bumming it. Could be relaxing. I hear that there are drive thru daiquiri stands in Lousianna... could be interesting :) Heard Alaska has a pretty big nursing shortage... maybe I could see Russia from my porch?
There is always the "winning the lottery" daydream... the going back to school "possible nightmare." I have WAYYY too much time on my hands :)
Maybe I just need to get out with friends a little more often. LOL no strange ideas could come from THAT though right??
Grey and rainy. Nothing planned. Of all the millions of movies we own... NOTHING sounds worth the effort of giving up this couch indent and putting it in. Or even the effort to hollar at a monkee to put one in. :)
I am liking the extra hours at the school... just the down time after... is kinda down. The more I work there, the less attractive the hospital available hours seem. Its hard only working a few hours a week there- I feel like I have to re-learn everything every time I go back. Not so good for the confidence :/
makes my mind wonder... not necessarily a good thing!!
So I sit here and ponder possibilities... moving to the Coast and bumming it. Could be relaxing. I hear that there are drive thru daiquiri stands in Lousianna... could be interesting :) Heard Alaska has a pretty big nursing shortage... maybe I could see Russia from my porch?
There is always the "winning the lottery" daydream... the going back to school "possible nightmare." I have WAYYY too much time on my hands :)
Maybe I just need to get out with friends a little more often. LOL no strange ideas could come from THAT though right??
Monday, April 11, 2011
Ahhh My FAVORITE is home :)
YES, I do mean my laptop!!
I feel like I have been walking around lost with it in the shop. But power cords are important... and one that doesnt shoot little lightning bolts from that little spot where you plug~ thats pretty special too.
There is SOOOO much to tell you! But it all kinda seems like old news now. Not so Bright and Shiny... Kinda like the Trip to the Coast...
We were looking for the Ark after about 10 minutes on the road. Everywhere we stopped people would exclaim how they hadn't seen it rain this much or this hard... "FOR- EV- AAAAAAH." So we drove 5 hours in the wind and the rain, the snow and the hail, over mountain passes, the Columbia River, across state lines, on coastal senic highways. And the rain never let up. It was like being in a really nice shower- lots of water pressure. Steady water flow. And soaked after just a few moments.
The hotel room was amazing- big and roomy... right next to the ocean. We were on the second floor and had a beautiful view of the beach and the waves... in to about four feet into the water before fading into the fog. :(
We were right next to the aquarium... walking distance so we wouldn't be washed away in the tsunami we totally were expecting to hit any second. The kids loved it! touching the slimies, asking questions, buying shells, feeding the sealions... they kept wanting to go back!
We ended up making some adjustments to "the plan" but had a blast. We watched dorky cartoons, went and watched a movie in the local theather... and had the place almost to ourselves. Which was good, because between me and my seven kiddos... we filled up about half of the theater :)
We rode the carosel horses in the little touristy mall, we bought candy and souvineers... squished pennies were the favorite! We had dinner with BigFoot, played Uno and Yatzee. Made up road games, listened to the teenagers tell stories and make jokes. Ate WAY too many snacks.
Made lots of U turns, on purpose of course! LOL found strange sculptures to take photos of. Toured an old Military fort- and found out that my kiddos like the history and stories as much as I do :) They were always looking for another museum, or aquarium, or tour. We even added to our Herd at the Fort- I would tell the kids a little about the history there... and this couple and their two kids always seemed to stay within ear shot. Well, maybe I do get a little excited :D
We scouted for the best gas prices and made a game out of it... theres even an App for that! haha. They LOVED to tell how Momma was pulled over by a State Trooper...(no ticket thankyouverymuch!!) and helped me locate an open late espresso bar.
Sand dollars, soaked kids on the beach, giggles, cuddles, and the best smiles I have seen in a long time. Ahhhhh.
Not the vacation we had hoped for- but SOOOO much bettter. I got to just hang out and enjoy the kids again- the obnoxious, insanely funny, goofy, fun, loving, inquisitive, excitible, HUNGRY, silly, cuddly, absolutely amazing kiddos of mine.
A stress free vacation... one momma and seven kids. Who would have thought it possible. But it was- I couldn't have planned a better one :)
I feel like I have been walking around lost with it in the shop. But power cords are important... and one that doesnt shoot little lightning bolts from that little spot where you plug~ thats pretty special too.
There is SOOOO much to tell you! But it all kinda seems like old news now. Not so Bright and Shiny... Kinda like the Trip to the Coast...
We were looking for the Ark after about 10 minutes on the road. Everywhere we stopped people would exclaim how they hadn't seen it rain this much or this hard... "FOR- EV- AAAAAAH." So we drove 5 hours in the wind and the rain, the snow and the hail, over mountain passes, the Columbia River, across state lines, on coastal senic highways. And the rain never let up. It was like being in a really nice shower- lots of water pressure. Steady water flow. And soaked after just a few moments.
The hotel room was amazing- big and roomy... right next to the ocean. We were on the second floor and had a beautiful view of the beach and the waves... in to about four feet into the water before fading into the fog. :(
We were right next to the aquarium... walking distance so we wouldn't be washed away in the tsunami we totally were expecting to hit any second. The kids loved it! touching the slimies, asking questions, buying shells, feeding the sealions... they kept wanting to go back!
We ended up making some adjustments to "the plan" but had a blast. We watched dorky cartoons, went and watched a movie in the local theather... and had the place almost to ourselves. Which was good, because between me and my seven kiddos... we filled up about half of the theater :)
We rode the carosel horses in the little touristy mall, we bought candy and souvineers... squished pennies were the favorite! We had dinner with BigFoot, played Uno and Yatzee. Made up road games, listened to the teenagers tell stories and make jokes. Ate WAY too many snacks.
Made lots of U turns, on purpose of course! LOL found strange sculptures to take photos of. Toured an old Military fort- and found out that my kiddos like the history and stories as much as I do :) They were always looking for another museum, or aquarium, or tour. We even added to our Herd at the Fort- I would tell the kids a little about the history there... and this couple and their two kids always seemed to stay within ear shot. Well, maybe I do get a little excited :D
We scouted for the best gas prices and made a game out of it... theres even an App for that! haha. They LOVED to tell how Momma was pulled over by a State Trooper...(no ticket thankyouverymuch!!) and helped me locate an open late espresso bar.
Sand dollars, soaked kids on the beach, giggles, cuddles, and the best smiles I have seen in a long time. Ahhhhh.
Not the vacation we had hoped for- but SOOOO much bettter. I got to just hang out and enjoy the kids again- the obnoxious, insanely funny, goofy, fun, loving, inquisitive, excitible, HUNGRY, silly, cuddly, absolutely amazing kiddos of mine.
A stress free vacation... one momma and seven kids. Who would have thought it possible. But it was- I couldn't have planned a better one :)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Good Morning Sunshine...
Maybe?
Its been a hellava week. Asthma doctor CONFIRMED I have asthma (duh.) "Moderate to severe chronic asthma" which means MORE steroids...More inhalers- for-ev-ah... and FINALLY the allergy tests and blood work I had been requesting for ummmm 6 months or so.
Its also Spring break for the monkees... and no work for me... sooo, I went until 3:27pm on Monday before starting to look for the hidden bottle of vanilla vodka.
FOUND IT :D
Had been looking forward to the trip to the BEACH, since the beginning of March- printed out the confirmation last night-got the van packed and all the little ducks in s row... Woke up at 2:30am (of course) and started my last minute checks...
My reservation printed for the week BEFORE I MADE IT.
WTF.
So emails and a phone call- at 2am... to straighten out the situation. GRRRRR. AND we are driving right into the middle of a wonderful storm-o-la. I keep hoping for a little sun shiney break thru (or woll have to suffer the Wrath of the Monkees for the 4 hours on the way back...
Oh well. Its Somewhere Else, NOT here.
Its the beach!!! Nothing is gonna rain on my parade... well, except the rain. Maybe... There better not be another Tsunami warning though- I dont think I can pack enough vodka to make THAT work for me. :) :/ :D
Its been a hellava week. Asthma doctor CONFIRMED I have asthma (duh.) "Moderate to severe chronic asthma" which means MORE steroids...More inhalers- for-ev-ah... and FINALLY the allergy tests and blood work I had been requesting for ummmm 6 months or so.
Its also Spring break for the monkees... and no work for me... sooo, I went until 3:27pm on Monday before starting to look for the hidden bottle of vanilla vodka.
FOUND IT :D
Had been looking forward to the trip to the BEACH, since the beginning of March- printed out the confirmation last night-got the van packed and all the little ducks in s row... Woke up at 2:30am (of course) and started my last minute checks...
My reservation printed for the week BEFORE I MADE IT.
WTF.
So emails and a phone call- at 2am... to straighten out the situation. GRRRRR. AND we are driving right into the middle of a wonderful storm-o-la. I keep hoping for a little sun shiney break thru (or woll have to suffer the Wrath of the Monkees for the 4 hours on the way back...
Oh well. Its Somewhere Else, NOT here.
Its the beach!!! Nothing is gonna rain on my parade... well, except the rain. Maybe... There better not be another Tsunami warning though- I dont think I can pack enough vodka to make THAT work for me. :) :/ :D
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Wishing~
For a lotto win... For a instant weight loss... for kids that mind... a self cleaning house... a caffeine IV... FOR IT TO BE WEDNESDAY ALREADY!!
Come on WEDNESDAY... a little sun would be great too :) But the rain is fine with me!
Come on WEDNESDAY... a little sun would be great too :) But the rain is fine with me!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
rain rain rainy rain rain :)
I feel like I should have already started on my Ark...
I love rainy days. I love the smell, the cozy cuddle up weather. Counch time with the kiddos and soup on the stove... ahhhh.
That being said- my short ones.... not so excited about a rainy trip to the coast. I dont get it! The beach is the beach no matter WHAT the weather... and you go for the sand and the water anyway, right? If its rainy you just get to the water part forst... without really trying :)
I love the beach. I dream about the beach- I write about the beach. If I could I would MARRY the beach... just ask my six year old. "If you love it so much mom, why don't ya just marry it?!" I tell him its tempting.
You can tell if the ocean is in a bad mood- just by looking at it. It sometimes leaves you little suprises. You always know its there. It wont tell your secrets. It roars just enough that you dont feel like you are alone, even if you are alone. Every single day you get to satert fresh- a clean slate- the marks of the day before are erased with the tide.
Verrrry tempting.
I keep hoping that I will go down and hit the lottery, find an awesome house- get a fantastic job offer... and will be able to stay. Just like I wrote in my high school yearbook. "You'll find me on the coast.."
Actually, one of the little known facts about my love affair with the beach is that it is pretty much only the Oregon coast that gets my attention. Washington coast smells a little funny... and then there is the issue with the werewolf indians and the pale but sparkly vampires up here. WAY too much drama. I wont even get started about all the plastic on the California beaches. Oregon is just right :)
The other more little know fact is that I think I prefer it in the rain. And in November. And when it is grey and cold and nobody is there... I think I like it that way the most.
So while the kids are whining- I am beyond giddy with anticipation- a rainy couple of days on the beautiful coast... I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Now I just have to remember to buy some of those lotto tickets :)
I love rainy days. I love the smell, the cozy cuddle up weather. Counch time with the kiddos and soup on the stove... ahhhh.
That being said- my short ones.... not so excited about a rainy trip to the coast. I dont get it! The beach is the beach no matter WHAT the weather... and you go for the sand and the water anyway, right? If its rainy you just get to the water part forst... without really trying :)
I love the beach. I dream about the beach- I write about the beach. If I could I would MARRY the beach... just ask my six year old. "If you love it so much mom, why don't ya just marry it?!" I tell him its tempting.
You can tell if the ocean is in a bad mood- just by looking at it. It sometimes leaves you little suprises. You always know its there. It wont tell your secrets. It roars just enough that you dont feel like you are alone, even if you are alone. Every single day you get to satert fresh- a clean slate- the marks of the day before are erased with the tide.
Verrrry tempting.
I keep hoping that I will go down and hit the lottery, find an awesome house- get a fantastic job offer... and will be able to stay. Just like I wrote in my high school yearbook. "You'll find me on the coast.."
Actually, one of the little known facts about my love affair with the beach is that it is pretty much only the Oregon coast that gets my attention. Washington coast smells a little funny... and then there is the issue with the werewolf indians and the pale but sparkly vampires up here. WAY too much drama. I wont even get started about all the plastic on the California beaches. Oregon is just right :)
The other more little know fact is that I think I prefer it in the rain. And in November. And when it is grey and cold and nobody is there... I think I like it that way the most.
So while the kids are whining- I am beyond giddy with anticipation- a rainy couple of days on the beautiful coast... I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Now I just have to remember to buy some of those lotto tickets :)
Friday, March 25, 2011
my boy~
Today I have been challenged. My boy, the Loudest Child on The Planet...The same one who is reading over my shoulder as I type this... has talked non stop since he got off the bus today after school.
Yes, his Grandma came over. Yes, his dad came over for dinner. Yes, his cousin rode the bus home with him. Yes, spring break starts RIGHT. NOW. Yes, the beach trip is coming up soon.
NO, he cannpt wait. No, he has just one more question. One more explaination. Just one more- something.
I have a theory... that if I tape his wee little hands down, he would be unable to effectively communicate. I think his vocal power comes directly from his dramatic hand gestures.
But then again- thats my boy :)
Yes, his Grandma came over. Yes, his dad came over for dinner. Yes, his cousin rode the bus home with him. Yes, spring break starts RIGHT. NOW. Yes, the beach trip is coming up soon.
NO, he cannpt wait. No, he has just one more question. One more explaination. Just one more- something.
I have a theory... that if I tape his wee little hands down, he would be unable to effectively communicate. I think his vocal power comes directly from his dramatic hand gestures.
But then again- thats my boy :)
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