Friday, August 7, 2009

bummer of a day

I spent all morning in a mood. Not really mad or sad or anything I could put my finger on- just blah. Curl up on the couch and wishing someone would just hug and hold me.

I went to the dr with my oldest daughter, and that took up a huge chunk of the day. Came home and made dinner... and went out with the hubby for a kid free meal.

but I am still in a fog.


Thursday, August 6, 2009


Finally- we got a little relief from the scorching heat here in the Pacific Northwest. Its been ... warm to say the least. I had forgotten how much I love the rain- the sounds, and smells of it. I just feel like a totally different person.

Way back (in ancient times) I lived in Georgia. Land of perpetual green-ness. It rained every day I was there, and I LOVED it. Felt like a fresh start, a new beginning. Hope. Everyday.

I know its weird, a lot of people think grey, cold, depressing. It just makes me happy. Nothing better than a rainy day, a big window to watch it. Cozy up on the couch with a hot cup of cocoa, a thick blanket and a fluffy book. Creamy potato soup on the stove and fresh bread baking up in the oven.

Heaven on earth? Pretty close if you ask me.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I just got my schedule for my classes, and now get to try and sort out the notorious Kid Shuffle. Actually, I like the logistics part of being a mom- I feel like I have a little control by keeping on top of whats going on.

Mine starts a week before they all head back- and I am sure it will be crazy... the typical chaos that I have been missing this summer.

Busy is good- I seem to be able to get more accomplished if I have a lot of things to take care of rather than having an open schedule. I don't seem to know what to do with myself :)

Sunday, August 2, 2009


I feel lonely. Alone. Like no one understands or gets me. I am surrounded by 7 of the best people in the world, and I still cry. I worry, I feel inadequate. I feel taken advantage of and disregarded. I feel empty. I feel responsible. I feel like I do what has to be done, and there is no room for anything else. Pressure. Blah. Nothing.

I can't sleep, my mind won't slow down. I don't understand. I am hurt. I am lost.

I don't write, because it hurts. I don't talk because what is there to say? So I try and hold on. Waiting for a tomorrow that will be not much different than today. The struggle, the tired, the confused, the same.

Here I am.