Ahhhh

So Friday night is here, I am in my PJs and very excited that I DONT HAVE TO WORK THIS WEEKEND!! Still pulling the multiple job thing- finishing up one, orienting on the other... but neither are open on the weekends! Yea me!!

I had a fantastic week- spent with my Chaotic Herd and a really great guy. Started the New Job, had 2 turkey dinners- (that I didnt have to cook!) and am feeling pretty darn spiffy.

I say as I am knocking on the wooden desk top.

The Teeners are out Ice Skating with their friends...together. THe Winter Ball is tomorrow... and so is the Lighted Parade. The weekend will be anything but calm, but it should be fun!

Looking forward to a little Christmas shopping, and crafting- and spending time with the people I heart the most. Aaaaahhhh, doesnt seem to get much better than this :)

Good Morning~

Wow- its really been a while! I feel a bit like a slacker for not keeping up with this- but then I remember... Im a single momma to 7 kids. HA- Guilt No More!!

I have been thinking about you though- That its way past time to update the photos- layout- overal theme in general. Positive positive positive.

Im still treading water- but its starting to feel like its getting a little easier. A little wiggle room. A little stability- or at least stable within the constructs of my chaotic little world!

So, after a bumpy bit of road- I think I am finally getting my groove back. Keep you fingers crossed and I will continue smiling. :)

So brief overview... I still have seven, yes. SEVEN kids... sometimes it feels more like 20 or so- and there are quite a few of the kids' friends I wouldnt mind adopting. There are lots of great kids out there- and they crack me up! Work is going well- although there are lots of recent changes. Not working at the Nursing Home, or the Hospital any longer. Still at the School District, but ws offered a full time job with benefits- so will be leaving the School District right before Christmas. Sad to go, but excited for the new opportunity. Looking into going back to school for my Masters... Im down to 1 job from 3- so I have a free second or two!! HA! The house is still standing, the bills are gettng paid. Summer was a rogh one, but that aspect is turning around. AMEN. I have Super Awesome new friend- who likes me and all of my qurks, who makes me laugh and makes one heck of a Manwich dinner. :) Smiling is a good thing, Laughter in the house is even better. I feel healthy, empowered, appreciated, and hopeful. Things are going well (knocking on wood)- Of course there is the usual Crazy that keeps life interesting... and more about that tomorrow. Peace Out~

Ahhh Summer~~

Hello again!!

School is out... and Im out of a job. Well, one of them anyway :) Such is the life of a School District employee. Hoping for a full timje position next year- so keep your fingers crossed. It would be amazing not to have to juggle 2-3 jobs, 7 kids and very little rest. So cross your fingers- I appreciate it :)

The kids are loving the chance to DO NOTHING. Dyed their hair for the last day of school... always good for a few giggles.

As for me, I still here. Still breathing (with the help of multiple inhalers, and allergy medications) have an allergy screening and a sleep study to look forward too, but I am still here :)

I have been able to get the monkees off to their various parties, to hang out with their friends, movies, sleep overs... and all that goes with it. I have also mannaged, somehow. to keep in touch with My Ladies and my friends. A couple movies here and there, a dinner or two. Drinks with the girls, ahhh its so nice to start to feel like a person.

Didnt know if that would ever be a possibility!!

There will always be chalenges. Chaos. I get that. But its noce to know that there are people out there that dont think I am horrible. Wrong. Mean. Some people kinda like me. LOL And I didnt have to pay them, give birth to them, or even be related to them!

Its amazing to find a little Happy "out there". A little hope. Sanity. Peace.

Things are looking better and brighter.

Now if I could just get a little vacation, nothing could stop me!! hahaha

And back again~

Wow- I guess time really does fly. Its been a while--- and I have been busy. Might be a bit of an understatement LOL.

Still working two jobs, still chasing 7 kids... still plugging along.

17 years...

Seventeen years ago, I had a beautiful baby boy. My world changed in an instant- and I can't imagine how my life could have ever turned out better than it did- just because I had him.

I was 19... 4 months shy of avoiding the dreaded "teenage pregnancy" label. I was 5 months married to my high school sweetheart- who had joined the military to support his Insta-family. The doctor that delivered me... delivered my boy, while his dad was 3000 miles away. It was the hardest, scariest, lonliest, most awe filled day of my life.

I was almost 3 months pregnant when I discovered why I was sleepy all the time. Nobody tells you that antibiotics and birth control don't mesh well. I thought the doctor was joking. I cried for 3 hours thinking about how disappointed my father would be in me. I told my mom first- and was so relieved that she didn't hate me instantly. I was terrified- but her reaction, her hug, made me stronger. It would be ok...I still remember how it felt to sit on the end of her bed and speak those word... mom, Im pregnant.

Daddy was a different story. I was his baby (and still to this day call him Daddy) and the thought of doing anything- to lessen his opinion of me, was a devistating thought. It took him a little while to come around, but he was my biggest advocate.

I dont remember much about the labor- other than it went fast. Within a couple of hours of realizing that I was having contractions, My baby was here. Daddy drove me and mom to the hospital- and Dad was the one who made sure that the nurses were taking care of me. "Her Mother delivered her fast, and she will go fast too. You'd better get ready~" ... and of course, Daddy was right. Doc made it in just in time to catch :)

I remember NO epidural (I delivered too quickly) and I remember the sting of the episiotomy. I remember my mom on one side and my dad holding my hand on the other. I remember the tears in my Daddys eyes.

I remember looking into that squishy red face, and that I couldn't breathe. I remember handing him, all bundled in blue to my Daddys waiting arms... and I remember my dad saying "You did good."

Through all of lifes ups and downs- My Boy has been my rock. The reason I can stay as close to sane as I can. The reason I always had to try... to MAKE things work... because it was for him. He deserved it.

Last night, My Boy had a houseful of friends over- to help him celebrate his birthday. His smile, the overheard bits of conversation, the laughter- I am so proud of the man he has become, and the man he will be. I know he hasn't had "the perfect" life... but he has a momma who has always tried to do right by him. He may look like his dad- but has been raised by his mom- the true definition of a Mommas boy... in the best possible way.

I have always told him that if he hadn't been so fantastic... he could have easily been an only child. :) And he HATES it when I say that... but I still think I can see the sparkle of pride in his eyes when I do.

He is amazing- in every sense... from the sarcastic humor...to the choices he makes...to the way he looks after his little brothers and sisters...all that curly-girly head of hair... to that phenomonal voice (and the Italian words that he sings!)

I know he isn't the way he is all because of me. I wont even try to take the credit for all of that, but I can't help looking at him today- and hearing the words of my Daddy 17 years ago... "You did good."

Yes. I think I did.

Happy Birthday Billy-YOU are the best.

whenssssss day.

Wednesday wednesday wednesday. Blah.

Grey and rainy. Nothing planned. Of all the millions of movies we own... NOTHING sounds worth the effort of giving up this couch indent and putting it in. Or even the effort to hollar at a monkee to put one in. :)

I am liking the extra hours at the school... just the down time after... is kinda down. The more I work there, the less attractive the hospital available hours seem. Its hard only working a few hours a week there- I feel like I have to re-learn everything every time I go back. Not so good for the confidence :/

makes my mind wonder... not necessarily a good thing!!

So I sit here and ponder possibilities... moving to the Coast and bumming it. Could be relaxing. I hear that there are drive thru daiquiri stands in Lousianna... could be interesting :) Heard Alaska has a pretty big nursing shortage... maybe I could see Russia from my porch?

There is always the "winning the lottery" daydream... the going back to school "possible nightmare." I have WAYYY too much time on my hands :)

Maybe I just need to get out with friends a little more often. LOL no strange ideas could come from THAT though right??

Ahhh My FAVORITE is home :)

YES, I do mean my laptop!!

I feel like I have been walking around lost with it in the shop. But power cords are important... and one that doesnt shoot little lightning bolts from that little spot where you plug~ thats pretty special too.

There is SOOOO much to tell you! But it all kinda seems like old news now. Not so Bright and Shiny... Kinda like the Trip to the Coast...

We were looking for the Ark after about 10 minutes on the road. Everywhere we stopped people would exclaim how they hadn't seen it rain this much or this hard... "FOR- EV- AAAAAAH." So we drove 5 hours in the wind and the rain, the snow and the hail, over mountain passes, the Columbia River, across state lines, on coastal senic highways. And the rain never let up. It was like being in a really nice shower- lots of water pressure. Steady water flow. And soaked after just a few moments.

The hotel room was amazing- big and roomy... right next to the ocean. We were on the second floor and had a beautiful view of the beach and the waves... in to about four feet into the water before fading into the fog. :(

We were right next to the aquarium... walking distance so we wouldn't be washed away in the tsunami we totally were expecting to hit any second. The kids loved it! touching the slimies, asking questions, buying shells, feeding the sealions... they kept wanting to go back!

We ended up making some adjustments to "the plan" but had a blast. We watched dorky cartoons, went and watched a movie in the local theather... and had the place almost to ourselves. Which was good, because between me and my seven kiddos... we filled up about half of the theater :)

We rode the carosel horses in the little touristy mall, we bought candy and souvineers... squished pennies were the favorite! We had dinner with BigFoot, played Uno and Yatzee. Made up road games, listened to the teenagers tell stories and make jokes. Ate WAY too many snacks.

Made lots of U turns, on purpose of course! LOL found strange sculptures to take photos of. Toured an old Military fort- and found out that my kiddos like the history and stories as much as I do :) They were always looking for another museum, or aquarium, or tour. We even added to our Herd at the Fort- I would tell the kids a little about the history there... and this couple and their two kids always seemed to stay within ear shot. Well, maybe I do get a little excited :D

We scouted for the best gas prices and made a game out of it... theres even an App for that! haha. They LOVED to tell how Momma was pulled over by a State Trooper...(no ticket thankyouverymuch!!) and helped me locate an open late espresso bar.

Sand dollars, soaked kids on the beach, giggles, cuddles, and the best smiles I have seen in a long time. Ahhhhh.

Not the vacation we had hoped for- but SOOOO much bettter. I got to just hang out and enjoy the kids again- the obnoxious, insanely funny, goofy, fun, loving, inquisitive, excitible, HUNGRY, silly, cuddly, absolutely amazing kiddos of mine.

A stress free vacation... one momma and seven kids. Who would have thought it possible. But it was- I couldn't have planned a better one :)

Good Morning Sunshine...

Maybe?

Its been a hellava week. Asthma doctor CONFIRMED I have asthma (duh.) "Moderate to severe chronic asthma" which means MORE steroids...More inhalers- for-ev-ah... and FINALLY the allergy tests and blood work I had been requesting for ummmm 6 months or so.

Its also Spring break for the monkees... and no work for me... sooo, I went until 3:27pm on Monday before starting to look for the hidden bottle of vanilla vodka.

FOUND IT :D

Had been looking forward to the trip to the BEACH, since the beginning of March- printed out the confirmation last night-got the van packed and all the little ducks in s row... Woke up at 2:30am (of course) and started my last minute checks...

My reservation printed for the week BEFORE I MADE IT.

WTF.

So emails and a phone call- at 2am... to straighten out the situation. GRRRRR. AND we are driving right into the middle of a wonderful storm-o-la. I keep hoping for a little sun shiney break thru (or woll have to suffer the Wrath of the Monkees for the 4 hours on the way back...

Oh well. Its Somewhere Else, NOT here.

Its the beach!!! Nothing is gonna rain on my parade... well, except the rain. Maybe... There better not be another Tsunami warning though- I dont think I can pack enough vodka to make THAT work for me. :) :/ :D

Wishing~

For a lotto win... For a instant weight loss... for kids that mind... a self cleaning house... a caffeine IV... FOR IT TO BE WEDNESDAY ALREADY!!

Come on WEDNESDAY... a little sun would be great too :) But the rain is fine with me!

rain rain rainy rain rain :)

I feel like I should have already started on my Ark...

I love rainy days. I love the smell, the cozy cuddle up weather. Counch time with the kiddos and soup on the stove... ahhhh.

That being said- my short ones.... not so excited about a rainy trip to the coast. I dont get it! The beach is the beach no matter WHAT the weather... and you go for the sand and the water anyway, right? If its rainy you just get to the water part forst... without really trying :)

I love the beach. I dream about the beach- I write about the beach. If I could I would MARRY the beach... just ask my six year old. "If you love it so much mom, why don't ya just marry it?!" I tell him its tempting.

You can tell if the ocean is in a bad mood- just by looking at it. It sometimes leaves you little suprises. You always know its there. It wont tell your secrets. It roars just enough that you dont feel like you are alone, even if you are alone. Every single day you get to satert fresh- a clean slate- the marks of the day before are erased with the tide.

Verrrry tempting.

I keep hoping that I will go down and hit the lottery, find an awesome house- get a fantastic job offer... and will be able to stay. Just like I wrote in my high school yearbook. "You'll find me on the coast.."

Actually, one of the little known facts about my love affair with the beach is that it is pretty much only the Oregon coast that gets my attention. Washington coast smells a little funny... and then there is the issue with the werewolf indians and the pale but sparkly vampires up here. WAY too much drama. I wont even get started about all the plastic on the California beaches. Oregon is just right :)

The other more little know fact is that I think I prefer it in the rain. And in November. And when it is grey and cold and nobody is there... I think I like it that way the most.

So while the kids are whining- I am beyond giddy with anticipation- a rainy couple of days on the beautiful coast... I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Now I just have to remember to buy some of those lotto tickets :)

my boy~

Today I have been challenged. My boy, the Loudest Child on The Planet...The same one who is reading over my shoulder as I type this... has talked non stop since he got off the bus today after school.

Yes, his Grandma came over. Yes, his dad came over for dinner. Yes, his cousin rode the bus home with him. Yes, spring break starts RIGHT. NOW. Yes, the beach trip is coming up soon.

NO, he cannpt wait. No, he has just one more question. One more explaination. Just one more- something.

I have a theory... that if I tape his wee little hands down, he would be unable to effectively communicate. I think his vocal power comes directly from his dramatic hand gestures.

But then again- thats my boy :)

Smarty Britches

My kiddos are smart. Smart assed. Smart mouthed. And just plain ole too smart.

They ask lots of questions- and most of them are relevant. Some- not so much. Some break my heart. And some are just "above their pay grade."

Being a mom- is not an easy thing. I have to come up with responses for "why?" and "yea.. but WHY???" When they are really short, I could get away with "because I said so" but it doesnt seem to work as well as they start to get taller than me.

I often wonder where some of these lovely inquirys come from... other times I know EXACTLY where... and why... but still dont understand the logic behind it.

From the teenager that wants to know whats wrong with getting his tounge pierced for his birthday....and WHY I said no- to the kids repeating questions about the specifics of my divorce. I've gotten a lot of questions about things they really don't need to know the minute details of- but do... and how do you try and explain things that are hard for a grown up to understand?

I have always tried to keep things simple for the kids, honest but simple. AND to not pass blame, or hurt feelings, or insults about ANYONE that they care about.

My kiddos are smart. They know what they have seen, they know who cares about them, and they know they can ask me anything. And they do... No matter how uncomfortable, hard, and unanswerable the queries may seem...I will still do the best I can to help them understand.

'Cause I said so!

They call me Wheezy~

Today was just an all around weird one. My 6 year old came to sleep with me- actually I MADE him, he wouldn't quit talking to his brother so I had to seperate them. I woke up at 3 (wheezing of course) to the 4 year old on one side of me... and the 6 year olds feet next to my head on the other side. "I was just trying to get cozy... heeheehee" he said.

Dorkus Maximus.

Then at work- things are ALWAYS interesting. Never a dull moment (which I LOVE) and a lot of "what the heck were they thinking?!" situations. I kinda felt like one of those gerbils on a wheel though- I was running running running but don't know if I really got anywhere.

Then was called by my boss, that MY kiddo was puking all over the class room. Fantastic. Usually I am the one who gets to make those types of calls to parents, not so much fun to GET them.

Pukey kiddo, PreSchool pick up, Blondie McTeenagers Dr appointment (now waiting for a pastic surgeon consult- WHOLE 'nother blog post with that one!) home to make dinner... while all the kids are eatting Ramen... then off to Cheer practice- on a night with no practice.

Run Run RUN... try and breathe (wheeze)

And what did I do today??

Goooo VIKS

My Blondest One has decided to try out for Cheerleader. Im glad she has found something to do, that SHE chose... none of her friends are trying out.

But it will be a struggle. She is trying out against a group of older girls. Girls who have had years of dance lessons. Who have gone to camps, and classes, and have tried out before.

AND it will be a challenge for her poor momma... it is already HARD not to jump in and try and "help" her with cheers, routines, what to do and how to do it. But I WONT be a stage mom, I WONT be a stage mom, I WONT be a stage mom.

GO Kenny!! I'll be cheering for you!

Sunless Sunday

Some days just seem harder than others. No matter haw hard you wish the sun will come out- it just doesn't.

Today was such a day. Everything I wanted to hurry up and do- took twice as much time. Anything I wanted to take slow~ and enjoy, zoomed by way too fast.

Like a cosmic raspberry. PTHhhhhhhhhhh.

Tomorrow is another day- maybe we'll get a little sunshine.

Oh Happy Day!!!

Just booked my spring break BEACH vacation... You can't say Bea- :)ch without a smile in the middle.

It never for as long as I'd like, but its a first step towards the summer. I <3 the beach.

AND The Teenager is going to sing his little heart out on the stage at the Capitol Theater, the bunk beds are up and MADE, the sun is a shining...AHHhhhhhhh~

Momma is ONE super happy lady :)

Update~

I have no date... hahaha.

See what a little respitory medication can do to your sense of humor? NOTHING good!

Well, Friday was good... because it was Friday :) Came home to report cards and meds.. and a sick kiddo or two. Needless to say- the kids are still singing. For Now. The meds are keeping me breathing. For Now. And the sickos are doing ok... :)

Oh! I ran into an old friend yesterday, and got to visit of a little bit. Its always great to catch up, I love how all the memories come rushing back. It makes me sad that I have been out of touch with so many of them for so long. I know some pretty fantastic people... not to brag or anything :) Of course!!

It always amazes me the complete range of awesomeness that my High School friends have accomplished. Knowing them back then... who woulda thunk it, RIGHT? I know I never spent a lot of time wondering about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had it all planned out...Solid Gold Dancer- DUh!! LOL

And I am in constant awe of the directions my friends' lives went. Talking with my friend, I heard the updates on even more friends and how, from this sleepy little town they somehow became State Troopers, Artists and Wildlife Photographers, Sports Announcers, Rock Stars, Medical Professionals, Terminal Students :), Archeologists,Builders and Electricians, Teachers, Military, Graphic Novelists, Travelers, Bankers and Real Estate, AMAZING PARENTS, and the Voices for Change. As well as everything in between. I can't even begin to say how proud of them I am- haha and I thought I had a pretty amazing go of it!

Back In the Day, all that seemed to matter was Athlete, Cheerleader, Brain, Cowboy, Loser, Wannabe. How silly that all seems now. Look at all the Amazing we were missing out on?! All those labels meant nothing. Didn't even begin to give a glimpse of what and who they really were/ and are.

I can't even imagine how many options are out there, that I know I never considered- Wow. Who would have thought that Selah Could have produced such a wide variety. Makes me wonder what my kids and their group of friends are going to do- how far they will go, and how limitless their possibilities really are.

If I can just get them off the couch ;)

What happened to Thursday?

My Thursday was a blur...

Work... Boys to Grandmas, me to the hospital for another breathing test. Doc was 90% sure I didn't have asthma- and this test was supposed to rule it out for good. It was a 5 part test- and I sailed through the first two parts.. the tester even started joking how it was just an expensive waste of time. Then came the first inhale of part 3... I siezed up and couldnt breathe. The next hour I spent on the nebulizer with the tester shaking his head. Evidentually that was the fastest reaction he had ever seen.

yes, I feel quite accomplished now. AND more than a lot wired.

THEN I had to rush and pick up the girls from the house, and then the teen and friend to drop them off at the concert in town. Bought bunk beds... went to a baby shower... came home and crashed.

nebulizer hangover headache. NOT a favorite.

Kids home, bathed, bed... I think I sat down at 8... woke up at 11 with the phone ringing. Time to pick up the boys.

Home again... and couldn't sleep.

Ahhh the joys of being me.

POSITIVE NOTE... I know for POSITIVE that I have asthma... and can work on figuring out how to deal with it, instead of thinking I do..or don't.

WOW

What an Outstanding Wednesday...

not so much. Honestly, I think I have some of the best friends in the world. No matter whats going on, who or how the struggles go~ I know I can call on them to listen... Give advice...offer to avenge me (tempting!)

that is about as positive as its gonna get today....

In full disclosure here, I know I set myself up to get hurt. I know I try hard ( maybe too hard) to help people, and occassionally screw myself over in the process.

I thought I was.starting to get burned in one situation... And was prepared for that... Was able to stand up for myself, and still able tofeel like it was a ...mostly... Positive experience. In another situation, I was less prepared... So my kindness and attempted generosity, was a total "up yours... But thanks!" I knew it would come, but was still smacked upside the noggin with the turn of events.

i have 7 kids. I take that responsibility very seriously, it shades ebery single action I make, and every thought I have. I don't have the time, the energy, the patients, or the give a shit to be responsible for anyone else~

I am tired. You all don't listen. IF you ask for my advise you certainly don't hear it or take it. You argue with anything I say, until you think you hear what you were looking for in the first place.

please. Make your own choices, you (the PEOPLE) are all grown ups. If I cared, I would tell you what I thought. Just let me be~

Superior~

Today my blondest daughter had a choir competition- totally not the GLEE spectacular that I think she'd like to have for a competition- but they all did great... without the costumes and the drama :) They scored a 1- (One minus) almost the best possible score, like ever (translated from teen speak). Not bad for songs in German, Italian, and Latin.

She and her brother amaze me with their singing. I am POSITIVE (see how I did that heehee) that their talent comes from me... even though I can't carry a tune in a bucket.

Pretty impressive- these little monkees of mine. Pre-tee impressive!!

Positivity

I keep hearing that positive thinking can change the world.

Not the "Im positive this SUCKS" kind of positive either. Thats the kind I seem to be practicing lately. And I am totally ready for a change.

New hair cut, new diet, new furniture arrangement... new outlook.

So my positive for today... hummm.

Today, I made an effort to help. I know I can't save the World, but there are things I can do to make it a little better. Today, I researched and found resources that can help- if she chooses to use them. I can't do much to fix the situation, but I can help point her in the right direction.

I have a cousin in trouble- and she's probably in more trouble than she realizes. Its sad, its hard to listen to- and its heartbreaking to know she probably wont accept the help being offered to her- especially when shes furious because its not just exactly what she wants.

She can't be with her kids right now- but they are safe. She is safe. Thats the most important thing. She has people who care about her, though she is sure that nobody does.

I am amazed how people will pull together to help. Even if its someone they don't know. I made some calls, talked to some friends... and then started to get calls- from people who wanted to help- or had information that they thought I needed.

Positive note of the day- there really are good people out there. Even when you feel the lowest there are people who care- Even if you dont know who they are.

Sick and Tired~

Literally.

I feel like I have a head full of cotton, a throbbing softball of pressure behind my nose, I couldn't sleep, am still wheezy- AND have the nastiest cough I can ever remember.

I wanna curl up on the couch and sleep the day away- but with seven monkees who fell TOTALLY healthy, and insist on watching and endless loop of GLEE - at maximum volume... It ain't a gonna happen.

Allergy meds. Check. Sinus decongestant. Check. Fuzzy socks, soup on the stove, bribes paid out, and ass on the couch... But Mommas don't get sick. Right??

Hoping for the best...

Read at your own Risk~

It has come to my attention that there are some people offended (or upset or pick your own "not happy" word) by my postings here. If you don't want to read it- don't! Nobody is making you- really.

I write here for ME. If you want to know about the things I think about, my worries, my fears, my frustrations, my joys, my ways to cope- you are welcome to read. I don't write for your pleasure or approval. Im tired of trying to please everyone at my expense. Im way to old, too tired, and too busy to deal with that drama. Anymore.

And if you don't agree with what I am doing, how I am doing it, or who my friends are- or anything else I choose ... that may be part of the reason we aren't together. I don't owe any explainations-

Nobody ever said I was perfect, especially not me. BUT I DO NOT make decisions quickly, or without thought. I am not easy swayed... by everyone else because my opinion does not match with yours. I ALWAYS put the interests of my kids above all else. Period. And I am proud of the friends and family I have that support me in MY decisions- rather than making me feel bad for things.

None of this has been easy. I understand hurt and frustration. I understand hard, and having to live with the consequences of choices. All that matters is that I KNOW I tried to make things work- so hard for so long.

I finally had enough. Im sorry. And I don't have to take the brunt of it anymore.

Murphys whaaaaaaaaat??

Murphy don't got nothing on me :)

Country songs could be written about my life. Books could be written about all the stuff that goes on... but nobody would believe it. And it would all be funny- if it weren't always happening to me!!

After a great Smursday lunch, the van started to steam and spit. A part cracked spraying all my coolant OVER my engine... I thought flames were going to jump out any second. Have to call the Bob Squad to come and save the day.

When they say it takes a village- they were wrong. It takes the awesomeness o My kiddos decided baked potatoes sounded FANTASTIC, do in a little plastic bowl they put a teeny tiny potato, and put that into the microwave for 15 minutes. Neither survived and my house still stinks of burnt plastic. Didnt know how much a potato could look like a chunk of coal before.

Did I mention yet another coffee pot bit the dust?

LOL go figure.

Smursday~

Back in nursing school there was a joke about needing an extra day of the week to get everything. Smushed somewhere between Wednesday and Thursday- Smursday was born.

Smursdays were sacred. They were brief moments in time where Onion Rings were calorie free... Festive beverages were consumed (or in my case discussed with abandon)... and the ranting, venting, whining, gossiping... anything NON school related- was fair game.

I honestly think my sanity was retained by these amazing women. We vary in ages, backgrounds, numbers of children, and practically everything else- but share that 2 year experience that changed us all.

We have tried to get together at least once a month since we graduated- its hard, but important, I think.

We have supported each other through amazing situations and circumstances- I for one dont think I would have tried to work things out in my marriage as long as I did with out them... I know I wouldn't have had the strength to end it with out there constant support either. They were there for me, and I hope I have been the same to them as well.

Thanks for the lunch ladies~ I love you, and can't wait til next time.

And the verdict is...

Not asthma!!

I have been having breathing issues since September- Bronchitis, sinus congestion, shortness of breath, wheezing, blue fingertips, allergies.... 2 ER trips, 7 to the Doc...nebulizers,steroids, 5 different inhalers (that never seemed to work)and 3 different types of antihystamines...

I FINALLY got to see a specialist... to diagnose the asthma every one was sure I had...

Uhhh NOPE.

No wonder the inhalers weren't helping!!

always some drama.

How goes the old saying... a nice guy finishes last? They must not have meet a nice girl- we come up waaaaaay after that.

No matter how hard you try, or what you do- it never seems like enough. Or the right thing. Or it could have been dealt with better. Or I wouldn't have done it that way... Life can certainly seem like a NO WIN sometimes.

The crappiest part is that the people you most care about- have the unfortunate distinction of being the very same ones that can hurt you the worse. Push JUST the right buttons. And make you feel like hell for even trying/caring in the first place.

I'm not saying I want to win- if anybody ever wins... Other than Charlie of course- haha...but it would be amazing not to feel like dead last all the time.

Happy

Nothing like a marathon phone call, old memories, and a lot of giggles to make you forget your stress and lets you just be in the moment- and happy.

I remember happy...

and I think I liked it :D

Today is another day~

Back to work, busy is always good. Still feel like a newby some times, but days like today- I feel like I have earned my RN. Patients seen, phone calls made, paperwork worked on...running from start to finish- but the feeling of accomplishment is priceless. For a Monday- it weren't too bad.

It is also conference week for the short ones... which means race home from work to try and beat the bus home. Busy week- but then busy is good.

I have re-discovered that I have an amzing support system- and when things are the darkest, its hard to remember that. But they are still there- checking in on me, supporting me, reminding me that I am stronger than I think I am.

Its also nice to have old friends to talk to too- ones that haven't had to live through all my day to day drama- and are just there, and treat me like usual, rather than worrying about me all the time. That is nice to have as well.

The weather is nicer, the kids are running around outside, I have a chance to breathe- Things are looking up.

And its about time.

And...Im back.

Last time I braved the blog site, I just filled for Legal Seperation from hubby #2. This time, I have just completed the finalization of that divorce.

My heart still feels like its gone.

Mixed emotions, new stresses, realizing that Im 36. Have 7 kids. 2 divorces. A ton of student loans. Waiting for the next shoe to drop~

Im even more depressed now that I wrote that.

I have good friends and a supportive family, but I still feel like a loser. "If I would have tried harder"..."If I would have been better... different... enough..." But I KNOW I did everything I could. I held on LONGER than I thought I could- or probably should have. But none of that matters now- I am where I am.

Just think of all of those years spent thinking how amazing it would be when we would grow up and be Adults! All the fun, freedom, the excitement... What a total crock. Instead of that I get Laundry! Dishes! Calls from the Principal! and BILLS!

Not to mention stress, stretchmarks, and insomnia.

What a catch I would be.