Happy Merry Hoho!!

Wow- I ate way too much. Spent way to much. Wrapped A LOT-

Good food- lots of family... and the great unwrap is still a few hours away. Around here, he seems to show up right at the stroke of midnight ... so we are all up at 12:02.

Christmas is a long way off from what it is supposed to be. Everyone is grumpy and tired, instead of happy and peaceful.

Sad isn't it?

UnWritten Mom Definitions

Mom Sleep- (quit giggling!!) Unlike NORMAL human sleep, where you actually go to bed, fall asleep, and then wake up to the screeching blast of the alarm clock... Mom sleep is comprised of 30 second cat naps, falling asleep on the toilet (for the minute or two you don't have someone physically crawling all over you- IF you are lucky enough to have shut, and locked, the door before being discovered.

We don't have set bed times, are usually up after all the kids have been threatened, bribed, physically moved into their own beds. Mom sleep patterns border on the imaginary, because as soon as we THINK about laying down, someone wakes up. "I want a drink," "Where's my ...blanket, flash light, still sticky with glue "art project"... I want it NOOOOOOWWWWW WWwahhhhh." "Mooooommmm... how come, why, whats the meaning of....I NEED _____ for school/ work TOMORROW!!!" All coming to light at the exact moment of realization... that they are supposed to be in bed.

Despite going to bed LATE, and taking care of all the last minute surprises...we finally head to the bed room...after packing lunches/ backpacks, throwing dishes into the sink, starting another load of laundry...with a head full of stuff we need to do for tomorrow.

Our nights are not restful- with cover hoarders, and short people with cold feet sneaking into bed. More than once. More than one kid. Can you carry a kid back to bed, tuck them in, and not be completely conscious to do it? Why yes, you can. The skill comes with the mom title.

Even while "sleeping" in the loosest sense of the word... we are never completely out of it. With every noise... creaking of the bunk beds, bathroom doors opening, lights on (anywhere in the house,) dogs barking, revele at the neighboring military post, the passing train, stray coughs and sneezes sleepy whimpers... we are at attention.

No wonder we space out, huh?

Mom Showers (again- quit with the giggles- this is INFORMATIVE!!) Mom showers usually occur after everyone else in the family has washed, scrubbed, splashed, and used up virtually every last drop of hot water in the house. It starts with a luke warm dribble from the shower head- because someone HAD To start the washing machine (the only time anyone does it with out being coerced of course) Soap, scrub FAST.... because you know a short person will come and throw open the curtain and/ or the luke warm water will run out completely. Once in a while, the toilet will flush and you get the frosty shock of water a little before expected... which makes it all the more the adventure.

Mom Meals - (all right- laugh.) Moms are not... under any circumstances allowed to sit at a meal. We are however given the opportunity to figure out what to make that won't cause revolts and rebellions... among the majority of the "feeders" not ever hoping to make something EVERYONE likes and/ or wants at that specific time/ place/ or state of mind. We might have our good moments, but we are NOT miracle workers. After making a decision (or weenie~ing out and making two) we get to make the meal, serve the meal, clean up the spills, discuss that while we know that child X doesn't like this particular choice, mom still loves them, really. "Wipe your fingers on a napkin- NOT on your brother, don't throw food at your siblings, close your mouth, your sister DOES NOT like it when you do that, no you can't have candy instead..."

By the time Hubby and Monkees get their plate dished up served, and sit down to eat-someone is ready for seconds.... repeat process. By the time THAT is wrapping up, dinner is cold- or gone, and moms are left with whatever is left on baby's plate that hasn't hit the floor first. Usually. The 10 second rule is expanded since Clara showed up...

Half a cold hot dog, and coffee- who could ask for anything more?

More insightful looks into the mom state of mind, and why the hell we are as crazy as we are...coming soon. I ran out of coffee, and value the lives of my children too much not to stop now for more.

Pthhhhhh- the sound of decompression

I know it's been a few days. Since last we spoke, I have (nearly) completed the Christmas Cash fest... I mean shopping. I took my final in Anatomy and Physiology (and got a B out of the deal!) I have fought with the children about chores, attitudes, not stepping on your baby sister because "she likes it!!"

Why is it the closer we get to a holiday, the stupider people act- including, and ESPECIALLY my kids. I just don't get it.

I need a jolt, coffee isn't lighting the spark it used to~

Winter Blahs? Post final let down? Life?

The house is a mess, but I'll just have to clean it again later. Ditto for the Christmas decorations... sure, it would be nice to have them all out... BUT FIRST... and then I'd have to box 'em all up again later. Washing dishes? Ummmm the paper ones are looking pretty good.

Van issues (volume 732) continue, hoping all the UPS/ USPS/ DHL/ UPS/ and FedEx all make it here on time... but then big deal if they don't, right? Just more crud to walk over!

Life is a series of cycles. Like wrapping presents, I wrap... Clara IMMEDIATELY unwraps... and the process begins again. Quit laughing Pa... it's not funny yet. Give me a few days. The end of everything is just the beginning of something else.

And I am definitely running in circles this week.

Saturday, O

Happy Saturday. The stores are CRAMMED full of obnoxious people. The house is a disaster zone. I have a final to study for. The kids are acting like heathens. So we are all at home.

I know, I can barely contain the excitement.

Of course, I am on top of it all- hiding out in the house by the wood stove. Barking at the kids to do their chores. With out killing each other- or at least if they ARE going to attack their siblings, they should be silent while doing it!! The text book has yet to be cracked, but... so I got sucked into reading other blogs and window (screen?) shopping. There are a million and a half different sites, just WAITING to suck out the last pennies in the accout. And keeping Miss Rosie off the kitchen table ( and out of the marker box) is taking up all my time and energy.

Pretty blah today.

Like I need a break, but then I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Monday morning FREAK

Holy guacamole Batman- today sucked.

After a LONG weekend, of TRYING to study for my test... which of course never happened... I stayed up late last night in a last ditch cram session. I was doing ok- until I went to sit on the bed- AND WOKE UP 2 hours later.

Which is about 10 minutes before the kids have to be in school, 40 minutes before my BIG test... which I was freaking out about BEFORE the IM LATE freak out. I Live 15 minutes from the kids' school, 35 from the college... and if you factor in the get the rest of the kids up, ready, loaded... out to Ma's and BACK to college- I was screwed.

SCREWED.

Hubby took over- I dropped the big ones off...it was a SLOW roll... and drove SAFELY (hi mom) to class. Hoping I could make it in time to attempt the test I knew I was going to bomb.

Somehow I survived... Haven't had a break down/ freak OUT/ panic fit like that one in a while. Tears were shed, curse words were cursed.... but I did manage to remember to inhale and exhale- over and over. Still have the shakies, but I think it is far from terminal.

My phony verneer of calm and "I can handle it" seems to have ummmm cracked (shattered out?) a bit today.

But breathing is good. I'll just focus on THAT for a while. And daydream about hiding under a rock for a bit.

Post Turkey Euphoria. Or something.

My Mom in Law came and went. The kids didn't over swarm. She left with all her possessions INTACT, and survived the clutter in which I live, and hubby (barely) tolerates. So it was a nice visit :)haha!!

She even got to witness the Joy ? of the Tree decorating ritual- which includes, but is not limited to, threatening of the children (CLEAN YOUR ROOM, or you can just stay there!) Arguing about the when/ where/ who/ and how the tree, decorations, Christmas memories... are all different from how everyone else remembers. The debate over Christmas light theory (why they are always knotted up and never work. EVER.) and finally where the lights are, what should be done with the damn lights and where exactly they should go.

Ahhhhh Good times...and KEEP YOUR SISTER AWAY FROM THE TREE!!!

I think I gained a good 13 pounds. But, it was a GOOD 13 pounds, as opposed to eating 13 pounds of liver and onions. If I going to pack on the poundage, it had better be for Grandmas Banana Cream Pie. And Potatoes. And rolls. And Ma's bacon wrapped chestnuts... I think I might have added a few pounds just remembering it.

We were serenaded, for like 6 days, I mean hours :) by the "Boys" playing RockBand on the XBox. Drums, guitar, lyrics- they have skilz... pipes... they are, Something Else.

We think they set a record for the amount of time the "BOYS" have ever spent in one place, at the same time. Ever. EVER.

Lo and I braved the masses Friday morning. Wouldn't have dared it with out her- I tell ya, she is one of "those people" who leave ya smiling. Every where we went, she would leave someone with a smile. She blessed the coffee people for being open (and not busy) when we stopped by before the frenzy- and the ladies were still laughing as we pulled away. Maybe it was because she orders RETARDED coffee, or that she was willing to pay a few buck more, if that insured her Black Friday survival. But only if that was the ONLY way. She was cracking up the line waiters... and the check out ladies. And me. Just a little.

We don't get to hang out much anymore. Kinda miss the sister stuff- but Friday was a good catch up session. We giggles, drank coffee, laughed at stupid people... compared "stupid" stories and "can you believe" stories. We know some characters. I think my "stupids" are pretty good ones, but she has a few too!

Spent most of this weekend wishing I had a turkey carcass to gnaw on, and the rest of it thankful that I don't. Stressing about my Monday Test... and wishing all the kids were sleeping so I could attempt to study. Freezing my rear off. Wondering if I ordered enough of my Christmas stuff on line, where I'm going to get the rest of it, and which kidney I should offer up to pay for it all.

But mostly, I enjoyed the long weekend. So far. But I am about done. Nerves are shot. People I love, are increasingly becoming the ones I want to duct tape to the ceiling more than BREATHE.

Seriously considering a nap... so I will be awake when the monkees go down- but I have too much laundry/ dishes/ I'M HUNGRY!!!/ hey Honey did ya.... to do before that happens.

Can you burn out on the holidays before you even start wrapping stuff up? I think I am close.

And So It Begins... Happy Holidays

The mail man owes me one.

JJ decided to "check the mail" for me this morning... returning with the letter Steven had just put in there (to go out) 5 minutes before.

JJ, Puddin and I all hiked back out, to make sure the mail was mailed... flag up and not covered in mud and ice.

We get there and J promptly opens up the box, pulls SOMETHING out, and hides it behind his back.

It was Claras diaper.

The mail man doesn't know how lucky he is.

getting a grip

Here I go- desperately trying to get a grasp on reality, one blog at a time. Bear with me people... it's a work in progress.

The constant state of frustration, treading if you will... continues. I have company coming, Holidays coming, tests coming, bills coming. Not really prepared for any part or portion of them... so here I sit, banging away on the keyboard.

Productive Super Mom... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Over tired, under-appreciated, super slow moving, only getting half a clue. On a good day.

It would be nice to have a visit from the lottery fairy, a lot of my angst could be reduced with a little less stress of the fundage.

That and a dedicated crew of home improvement specialists, maids, cooks, laundress', nannies... massage therapists...Oh crap. That is MY job.

Dammit.

Without the fairies and the multitudes of servants... I guess I should pry my ampleness away from the screen and get on it. But it's so nice here...

LONGEST week evah....

Ok, Monday was an Off Day... no school, for me OR the kids.

Translation... I had ALL the kids, ALL day, ALL by myself. After a weekend of them being poopy-heads (as JJ so lovingly refers to them.)

I was (and still seem to be) on the OMG I HAVE A TEST mindset.

Translation... NO SLEEP. Even less than normal. Whatever normal is. Tuesday was FREAK OUT, the test is TOMORROW!! day- always a fun and pleasant experience for all concerned.

Quit laughing. I was TRYING to be sarcastic!

Wednesday- THE TEST.

Wednesday Night... slight, YES SLIGHT!! anxiety issues over how I did on the test.

Today ... I got the results- 81% not too shabby... for all the early morning morning hours, I had BETTER have gotten a B!!

So in celebration of my B... I did a whole lotta nothing. I came home, sat on the couch and ate bon-bons. Not really- but my posterior did get a work out, and I may have even shut my eyes- for a few consecutive moments.

Did you hear that? A few moments, eyes closed... Thats more sleep than I have gotten in the past 3 weeks!!!

But it's only Thursday. There is still a whole 'nother day in week. For a short one, this seems to have gone on and on and on.... kinda like this post.

what's going on??

I think I have been off on my own little planet- or lost under laundry- for a while. Something funky, this way comes.

I have been burning the midnight oil...studying for an anatomy test. Uggggh. And while I have been straining the brain... the kids have all gone Loopy.

Loopy HOW you might ask? I don't know... every manner, courtesy, normal human thought and or reaction have mysteriously EVAPORATED from their collective consciousness.

What do you mean I am supposed to brush my hair (wear clean clothes, put a coat on in 25 degree weather...) before school?

But I was only playing in the busy street ONCE.

Ya know, when you start telling your mom the way things are going to be... IS JUST WRONG. And boy-o, now that I can actually take a nap and sleep for more than an hour or two...(hopefully) watch it monkees.

YOU, my pretties... are on notice.

Right after my nap. GGGggrrrrrrr.

Hello- Thanks for stopping by

Hi. There is a someone out there who checks in on me every once in a while. It's nice to know someone out there is! Just wanted to say hi- and thanks for stopping by. Hows the weather in Florida/ Georgia?

So if you are on EarthLink, and come visit- please feel free to drop me a note. I'd love to hear from ya!~ Heck, even if you AREN'T from EarthLink- I wouldn't mind a hello :)

Friday? ARE YOU SERIOUS!!

Someone mentioned that today was Friday... Are you kidding? This has been a weird week- and feels like a Wednesday. Maybe. Sorta. Like I have any sort of a weekend anyway... but still! You'd think (hope) I might be able to keep track of the days... a little bit.

Maybe its lack of sleep- I seem to have gotten into the habit of getting to bed at 10, waking up at 2- and then doing something similar to studying while the house is quiet. Any other time the house is quiet... it is TOO quiet- if you get my meaning.

So the self imposed study sessions have begun... and it's throwing off my MoJo. Like I had any mojo... but if I did- WOW would it be off.

Well, I guess the no sleep, where I am actually doing a little something- is better than not sleeping, tossing and turning, freaking out that my next Lab Exam is in 114 hours and 40 minutes, and where is the WHAT?! supposed to be????

So I am a little wacko- hyper and out the door running... plotting where my next jolt of caffeine will come from, instead of dragging the kids (and me) out to the van one by one...hoping that every one has cloths on that are clean (enough) and maybe even appropriate for school. Brushing of the hair seems to have been optional.

AND YOU KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!

So really, the weird-ness factor hasn't really changed... it's just weird in a new way.

Like I wasn't weird enough to begin with.

Neglect

I feel like I have been out of the loop. Which loop? ALL OF THEM!

With class and kids, hubster... I feel like I have a finger in every pot... but am not positive about what else is in there too.

Maybe more like listening to 14 conversations at once, and trying to pass on the info, CORRECTLY. Or trying to- but not quite getting it right.

That sounds a lot like my class. I get the info, write it down. And hope it all makes sense. Later. It seems to take a while for it to all sink in- eventually it does, but with 7 kids, my patients is spent else where.

It's not that I want it all (of COURSE I DO!) or that I want it RIGHT NOW. (Duh. YES I DO!) But SHeesh- does it have to be all hard, ALL the time?

I know, I know. LIFE isn't easy. We aren't given more than we can handle. It will all work out. Blah blah blah. Just a little break once in a while!

I'm was a good kid. Sorta. But anyway...a little Karma arm floatie now and again would be great. Treading wears a body out.

It's been that long ALREADY?!

Wow. Tomorrow makes 6 years (and a couple of kids ago) that Steven and I met. Fries and milkshakes at Miners. Boy, he didn't know WHAT he was getting into!

Seems like I have know him forever, and "before Steven" seems like a whole other lifetime.

It's crazy to realize how fast time has gone by, what has happend since I have known him- and how much things have changed. How much things have gotten better~

Wow. The Kids and the Hubby. How did I get so lucky?

Booooooo

Happy Halloween! Captain Hook- Tommy; Snow White- Caden; Cinderella- MacKenzie; Duck- Billy; Bee- JJ; Sleeping Beauty- Clara; Little Mermaid- Kayler.

my brain hurts.

It would be funny, because most of the time I feel pretty brainless around here. But OUCH. Migrane, on top of some funky sinus thing. Add in a little pre-test stress, and my life in general... and I am working on one doozy.

Like trying to think (function) while in a perma- brain fog. But thicker.

Tapoica Brain Sludge.

And coffee isn't even making it better :(

Did I say OUCH! yet?

Ummm- It's Monday.

In the last 24 (ish) hours...

One broken window. Three last minute "I can't go to bed, I have HOMEWORK for tomorrow!" One late night with "the books" or sucked into the PlayStation- depending on the adult in question. One late started morning, that I would rather have slept through. Without coffee. One anatomy test scored. I passed, but lets just leave it at that~ One major self guilt trip. One headache CAUSED by self inflicted guilt. One more level of guilt. Different direction. One After 10am trip to Walmart... crowds included. One phone call (in mid-checkout) about an immediate parent conference. NOW!! One in school fight. One in the car temper tantrum. Another in the car tantrum. A over heated van. A snake bite, sort of. An Oops! I went my pants. Not THAT way- geeze! One burnt hand. MUST be a Monday, huh.

Friday again~

Today wasn't so bad. For having an anatomy test and everything.

At least I didn't have an anxiety attack. This time.

I actually remembered (most) of the things I wanted to- and I might have even used the correct spelling... a time or two.

So I will sit here and feel all warm and tingly thinking about how un-horrible it was- and try to NOT THINK about it again until Monday. When I can freak out and see how I REALLY did.

No homework- clear mind- I might actually get a little rest this weekend!!

Bring on the covers, a trashy book, and lotsa LOTSA nice coffee~

Happy is good! I should try this more often :)

Today was good... knock wood

Until I started to write this post.

Then the broken and jagged chunks of mirror magically appeared... and the stupid site ate my post.

And it was a REALLY good one.

Damn it.



Wow. I found it- 11/15/07. Damn it twice!

Today was good... knock wood

Today was definately not bad. Dare I say it was even on the goodish side. Much better than normal anyway. Which is a good thing. Unexpected, but groovy none the less.

Got up this morning... and wasn't late.

The kids got up, and actually made it to the bus stop on time.

The shorter ones were all dressed... with shoes on even!!... and were in the car ALMOST on time.

There was no blood loss in getting them there :)

Mom had a latte for me, ahhhhh thanks Ma!!

The cop pulled the OTHER van over this morning for speeding...it wasn't me he was after... but I wasn't speeding or anything anyway. Wink. Wink.

I got to actually STUDY in open lab today- instead of babysitting!!! Did I say "!!!" ?

Had super yummo left overs for lunch... and made the fam eat leftovers for dinner (NO COOKING!!)

My Buddy is coming for a visit next week :)

Went to a parent thing at school- and it was all GOOD stuff.

Came home to a quasi clean house, with quasi clean children...and it was quasi quiet.

The stars must be alligned in my favor--

I'll take it!

Happy Saturday~

Woke up- WAY TO EARLY for a weekend, but it wasn't too bad. Billy and Kenny went to work woth Daddy-O this morning, leaving me and the 5 monkee-teers to do the shopping. I figured we would ditch the usual RUN to Walmart. Haha- so we just RAN everywhere else.

Target, the book store (closed of course, ) the Dollar Store- a shorty favorite. How much crap can you fit into a cart? A LOT.

After winding our way through the store, we were ready to go. Someof us more ready than others, but that goes without saying! We were there for an hour and a half- in search of Just The Right Thing. THING being the operative word here. Crazy, but a good way to drive yourself batty in under 2 hours. A great way to remind you why you are glad Other Peoples Kids aren't yours, and repeating to yourself "If those were MY kids I'd.."

We survived the trip in under $20- which I believe is a new record for us... those little things add up fast! And on our way out of the place, tying to load up the van- the car next to us, opened up their door (on our side- :) )and proceeded to puke. A lot. All. Over.

ummmm. Pleasant.

So that is about how my whole week has been. Getting up way to early, rushing out the door to do a million different scattered things. Being surrounded by whiney people with a million questions, each desperate for my attention. RIGHT. NOW. Not quite finishing up any of the things I (should? wish? hoped?) to have done, but coming home tired and feeling like I've not done a damn thing.

Somewhere along the lines people have come to think I know something. Or have the answers. Or that somehow I am the only one ANYWHERE that can get their dinner, know where their shoe is, know where the hell to find a lymphacyte.

You all have been mis-informed. I know nothing. Am incapable of operating the stove. Don't have a clue, don't care, and should not- under the penalty of severe bodily injury- be bugged, harassed, whined too, or interrupted.

At least for a few minutes. A few minutes together, not total. If I am not asking too much. But around here, thats asking A LOT.

Well, that's good in theory anyway. Back to the grind...

Resignation~

This blog started out as a place to vent, whine, groan, shout, vent my frustrations... and cheer my minor little victories.

Lately (for a while?) it has almost been more and more of an effort to find the time to sit and ponder. Lazy? Probably. Tired? Definitely.

Yes, it does feel better to let things out than to keep them bottled in- but still. I could say "Oh~ I have so many things going on, and am so busy..." I can make up a thousand excuses, but excuses are all that they would be. Lame.

I would be willing to venture a guess, that if I felt like I was doing something. anything. I might have more motivation to sit and share it all with you all.

But I'm not. And I don't.

It sucks to feel let down. And it sucks even worse when I'm the one I am disappointed in. And worse yet, is that I will hear "oh, you are doing fine," and "things are going to get easier."

Ummm, not getting that impression.

I have changed my schedule, the kids' schedules, am back in classes. I really really tried to change things so that life would be "better?" I just wanted to be able to breathe...

The only real difference I have seen is that I do A LOT more laundry, have my own homework, and have to get the kids up 3 hours earlier than I would like to.

Same BoolSheet, tighter schedule. Still stressed, frazzled, and tired.

Just wondering when the kids will "get it," and when my choices / decisions feel like I made good ones. Right ones.

Give it time.

We'll see.

TGIF- right?

I think this could possibly have been the longest week EVER.

The kids went back to public school this week. T went for his Speech test. I went back to college. Clara is sprouting teeth. My headache is CONSTANT. And I am so tired.

Sleep would be nice, but tell that to my brain. I wake up all night thinking we are late- or I forgot something- or I did something wrong.

I have no faith/ confidence in my decisions. I can't decide if I hurt or helped the kids keeping them home last year. Lord, I hope I helped. Made some sort of difference- but have serious doubts. 3 hours to RE-write- just erase, and write LEGIBLY. Major doubts.

BUT IT WILL BE BETTER. 'Cause it couldn't look much worse.

Getting used to the early "get out of bed and DON'T miss the bus!" is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. But do-able. Having only 2 monkees at home all day is strange. I keep looking over my shoulder, trying to count heads that haven't made it home from school yet. Or calling out for someone to do something- then realize they already left for the morning bus.

S-I-G-H.

I feel like I do that a lot. Holding my breath, sigh, gear up for the NEXT thing.

Out of all of this, I thought I would freak out about MY classes. I AM, but not in the way I expected to. It's actually less stressful than I thought it was going to be. So I stress about the LACK of stress.

What is the matter with me?!

oh well, with sleep aspirin, and life's nectar (aka COFFEE!) I might survive.

SIGH

Maybe.

Ouch.

It's Monday. My head feels like exploding.

But like I said.

It's Monday.

it's done.

For those who Told Me So-

Yup.

I've decided... well, maybe.

So, I am awful. Horrible. Selfish. Petty. Make bad choices. Am the biggest loser on the planet.

If I keep the kids at home- for school... they miss out on the social stuff- which is important. But I am ON all the time. Times 7. EVERYONE wants everything RIGHT NOW. At the same time. So do they stay, or go back?

I have yet to figure a way to clone myself. But then, I'd spend all my time cloning, and still feel hopeless.

I feel like I barely know the baby. The 3 year old RULES the world- and pretty much does. The 6 year old wants NOTHING TO DO with anything... other than bugging his brothers and sisters. The twinners are missing out on their flirt time, and daily trips to the library. Kenny lacks the motivation to do much of anything~ including brush her hair... or wear clothes that match, is constantly crying about missing her friends. The Bill, might actually be ready to go back too.

So, for the most part, I guess they are where they need to be to go back. Which was the whole point. But I feel like I have failed, I'm quitting...because it is hard.

Hard= worth it? Right?

So, fighting with the home schooling program about Speech classes, me going back to college, wishing I had a better relationship with damn near everyone... being stressed out, tired, frustrated... maybe now is the time to cut and run.

I can't remember when I only had 2 at home. At once.

I'm sure I will find something different to worry about then- still find away NOT to have a clean house- those bon bons and couch sessions can take up a lot of time. ha. ha ha. right.

But then I can feel horrible about throwing them back into a system that I took them out of. Feel selfish about going back to school. Just another thing that I couldn't handle.

But then again, if I screwed up... and they should be back in classes- I shouldn't waste anymore time. Maybe things can be better around here. If they aren't stuck with mom all day everyday- my nagging them to do their chores won't seem so contastant. To me anyway. To them it will always be constant.

OMG, what if I could get the two at home to sleep at the same time? I don't know what in the world I would do with myself. Study? Breathe? (insert hubby suggestion of "Clean the sty" here)

SO I am almost, completely, sort of desided. Resigned to the desision?

Guilt if they stay home, guilt if they don't. What should I do... that will screw them up the least possible amount?

Wow. No stress here.

Towel throwing... does that count as a tantrum?

I'm fried. Frustrated. Well, pretty much the same as usual- lately anyway.

Is it wrong to just wish to "wake up" and be stress free? Problems gone? Life peachy? Kinda Stepford like- nice outfit- hair that looks like... umm an actual hairstyle? Fresh cookies in the afternoon... rather than hours on the phones sorting out weird power bills.

I think I am just suffering from information overload. Lots of info. Add in PLENTY of my own opinions on the info... and a heaping ass helping of not being able to do a damn thing about it.

At least in Stepford they have nice shoes. And can smile- and NOT think. AT ALL. Smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod, nod... nod. You never see a Stepford cry... or pitch a fit. EVAH.

I have been informed about a lot of things. And the more I hear, the more I think I must have really flubbed something up. BIG TIME. Like what exactly was I thinking?

I always thought that "if it were easy, everyone would do it." Maybe it's only hard, because I haven't figured it out yet. Or that I was a freaking insane idiot to attempt anything in the first place. Everyone tells me that I must be crazy... Maybe they are right.

The laughing in the background... oh just me again. Waiting for the guys with the white jackets to show up knocking at the door.

Been to town once, and need to head back again. Classes, appointments, groceries, phone calls, bureaucracy, global warming... diapers, temper tantrums. Not just my childrens either~ I think I could toss out a pretty decent one right about now.

I should buy stock in the coffee industry. I swear that THAT is about the only thing that is keeping me going~

Ohhhhh... someones at the door. Did they bring me a jacket?!

Cathing up from Last Week

Ok Ok- I haven't been on in a while. A lot longer than I like to be. It's like my own personal therapy on here. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I am way to screwed up to even put things into words- then they just sit in my brain and ferment.

NOT A GOOD THING. Anywho- Last week was weird. Pre back to school anxiety. Which is weird, because I am the one going back to school. And I have wanted to for a while- so it should be all good right? Maybe. Still worried I will flubber it all up. All being the one class, but its Anatomy/ Physiology. That should scare the poo out of anyone.

But it is just one more thing going on, that I don't have control over. But then I don't really think I have much control over much of anything anyway- so its really just more of the same.

deep breaths, deep breaths. Use that Lamaze garbage for something... it sure didn't work for labor- maybe it will for minor/ major freak outs instead?!

So here is my bottled up mental purge... Everything everyone said or did last week felt like a direct attack, many many things were taken out of context... and interpreted (by me) in the worst ways possible. VERY much over sensitive to EVERYTHING spoken, seen, heard, implied, suggested...

And guess whats worse than being so obnoxiously overwhelmed and boo-hoo-ey? KNOWING that you are, understanding that you are acting in an irrational, screeching, pouting, whining, curl up under a rock and wait for time to pass you by- sort of mood, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A DAMN THING ABOUT IT BUT SIT AND WATCH IN DISBELIEF.

I have sat and taken it all in, worried and dissected every little snippet of LIFE, hoping the dark cloud I have been under will just go away.

Still waiting.

Only difference this week is that I have busy pouring out of my pores. I don't have time to sit and wonder "what did THAT mean?" I am driving all over taking people everywhere. So now, all my mental self combat gets to happen in the evening. The condensed version.

Yes. I have been trying to get some quiet, non-thinking Me time in.

The laughing you hear in the back ground is me.

Like that happens. Like it would make a difference if it did.

THAT would just give me more time to analyse.

Probably not the best idea.

Well, I can sit and say... I will change things. I will (yada yada yada) and things will be fine. Ehhh. I'm not there yet.

I am unhappy with how I look and feel, what I am doing (what I am NOT doing,) what I SHOULD be doing... and how I should be doing it.

I am tired. I am frustrated.

I am mom. And it aggravates me BEYOND reason that I should be able to handle all this and I can't seem to get my footing.

Back to the dammed treading water- why is that the only thing that can describe this?

Two-fer Birthdays!

My girlies are 8 today. This One and That One, Fric and Frac, also known as George and Eddie. 9-9-99 babies, 9 minutes apart. Ahhhh was it REALLY eight years ago that I had to learn how to juggle 2 babies, 2 bottles, 2 carseats... AND 2 toddlers too!

We piled into the van...yes, we do all fit. Barely. yes, its a BIG van!

We headed to breakfast at Mom and Pops... After they blew out the candles, they made a few modifications to their meal~ So the Twinners are 8, going on 16~ Happy Birthday Ladies~

Another FANTASTIC Monday...err Tuesday... whatever.

Tuesdays that are "Mondays" are the WORST!

The Dr appointment I THOUGHT was at 10, was at 9:30. I realized this at 9:20, so I had JUST enough time to freak out and run around like an IDIOT.

Because it's SO MUCH more to be in a pissy mood- rush around- and ALMOST be late, rather than just deal with it. It's not like I would have to sit and wait for 20 minutes- once I got there- anyway.

But I didn't... I got to wait 30 minutes :)

Straight to Walmart... AFTER my 10am self imposed cut off time. On NO coffee.

Dammit.

I think I might (maybe) have a small problem. It seems like coffee is becoming more and more important to me. Life is making me drink!!!

Ran into people, did the "visit in the isle" got my groceries, picked up a big box of peaches from Grandma's... AND realized that my hair was nearly forgotten in the rush to town that morning. Nice!

Ehhhhh.

Came home, the kids scattered- so they weren't handy for chores and school work.

ATTEMPTED to work on the bathroom... but my "helpers" decided to help. In ways that have me wishing I had just sat my arse on the couch and eaten bonbons all day.

But THOSE adventures are for another day. When I can look back and laugh... ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa. It is not yet that time.

Ehhhhhhhh. Did I say that already?

At least it's Tuesday.... that means Tacos. At least I don't have to think about what to fix.

Summers out with a Sting!~

As usual- there is ALWAYS something. Something going on, going to happen, the inevitable Murphy's Law...

Tommy seems to have gotten the worst of it this time. Poor little fella climbed into Pa's Odessy... looked like a nice place to sit and play in. The wasps thought so too- they just happened to get there first, and make a nest in the split seat cushion.

"The 'Whops' got me!" he said. Tough little guy though. Grandpa gave him some peaches and cream, and I don't think he could smiled bigger... even if his face was not all swollen up!

He's ok, but looks....AHhhhhhh-

Summer fun is over, right?! I don't think I can handle much more~

End of Summer

Today is my Cousins Birthday. Actually, I have two cousins with birthdays today...I don't think I have seen or spoken to either one in years. Life just seems to take over the thing you want to do- and leave you with the huge pile of things THAT HAVE TO GET DONE!

None of those... the things in the huge pile of daily garbage, are much fun. But we wade through them anyway- just hoping that we can get through enough of it to do something else. Like keeping in touch with people.

There seems to aways be "I wish I could..." or "It would be nice if I had time to..." Then come the "Well, after- the chores are done, the bills get paid, I get my degree, the kids grow up..." After all that, THEN I can do all this other stuff.

But there is always new things on the To Do list, pushing all of the "I wannas" farther and farther away. Out of sight, out of mind... until you just throw your hands back and forget it. Missed the boat~

Like Summer. It's damn near over. It went way to fast, I didn't do any of the things I had hoped to. Seems like I didn't do much of anything (that matters) but the bank balance says differently, and I was busy as hell doing all of this nothing.

I don't think it's just me, either. The moods have been swinging around here- something fierce. I know I get frustrated, maybe that is whats going on with all of us around here.

Let down after the summers anti-climatic finish. The school year has started, but were all here at home- so there is nothing really new there. Work is work, Chores are chores... we do the same things everyday- all the stuff we NEED to do, and little (if any) of the stuff we WANT to do.

That's a hard way to go. And even harder to deal with when you see it like that. Every comment is a condemnation. Every look seems questioning, every question seems like a challenge, every word feels like a declaration of war. The kids are snippy, the hubby is tired, and me- I am probably the worst. I sit here and analyze it all.

Moms seem to do that. More than I ever thought, until I was a mom.

The kid is running wild in the store- MOM gets the looks. Does bad at school, she should have done more to help. Home works not done? This One smacked That One? An errand went undone, we're out of soda, the power bill is too big, Mom must have been slacking that day.

Regardless of the reason for the "not peacefully perfect" I bet I can turn it around and say..."If I would have just.... It would have been OK."

Wow, what a way to end the summer. Bye Summer 2007- we barely noticed you.

But then again, if I had just...

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My 3 year old came up, flashed his handsome Baby Blues, tugged in my shirt and said "look at me." I turned and looked- and said "Yes?"

"Is this my life?" was the question that he asked so sweetly.

"Ummmm, Yes- it is."

To which he promptly turned to his older brother, wiggled his butt and said "I asked Momma and she said this is MY life...Momma SAID! SO THERE!"

Billy then asked "JJ, is this MY life too?

This went on (and on) for a few minutes, with all the kids asking the same thing. That is until Kenny asked him the same question.

JJ's response?- "NO, Kenny...you don't HAVE a life!"

Ahhhh... how sweet?!

arghhh!

It is completely depressing, frustrating, crushing- to know you want something, and it isn't going to happen. Nope.

I can't just "work harder" or longer, or do something differently. I hate not having a say, a bit (at least) of control- it SUCKS.

And it's a me thing. It's just something- eventually completely selfish, and stupid on my part- but still.

Arghhhhhh!

Spring cleaning- A whole lot late

OK, it's supposed to be the weekend. SUPPOSED to be, Right? So how come it wasn't all "watch cartoons in your PJs?" Cookie Crisp and the smurfs, Baby!

It all started out pretty un-eventful. "So, you're going to get me that CD and bring it to work this morning- Right?"

Ummm OK. Crap. The bed was feeling pretty darn good this morning...

And it was still about 3 hours BEFORE any of the stores are even open- well, the stores that I WANT to go to on a Saturday morning. With all the kids. And with only (shiver) INSTANT COFFEE to get me there. I should be nice, it DID have caffeine... count my blessings- ewweehh!

Santa?! ESPRESSO MACHINE... please. The Kids really REALLY want me to have one. Really, it would be like a gift. To them. Honest!

So I, OF COURSE, go back to bed. Dude, it is Saturday. Oh, and I heard that somewhere, some people ACTUALLY get the opportunity to "Sleep In." Sleep in WHAT, I am not sure...But Gee. It sure sounded like a nice idea. Sleep that is. They must not have kids.

Well, when I finally dragged the mommy butt from the covers- and hollered at the sleepers to get ready to go, I spent 10 minutes looking for the eldest of the monkee herd before remembering he went to work with Daddy-O. If was probably more like 20, but this is MY blog... I will approximate whenever I feel like it makes me not look like an incompetent fool. I more than probably AM one, but you all don't need to hear about it. Much.

After I count heads (a 4th time) and laod 'em all in, I ended up heading to Wally World anyway. Dammit. Survived the trip- thankyouverymuch. Ran to Target- and still had to wait for the doors to be unlocked. JJ was SO confused- His "magic (which is pretty much the ability to command that the automatic doors OPEN on his command) was somehow faulty.

It was a lot like watching the Spiderman movie where Peter Parker is trying to figure out how to work his web~ too funny. He told me that needed 'nother brownie (doughnut) to get his powers back. He should have another one so it would work later.

That kid is ALWAYS thinking about me. How else would I get anywhere with out his magic opening the doors for me? Pass the doughnuts!

Anyway...Daddy-O and Bill got their music and breakfast- nice and early, and the monkees and I headed bak to the homestead. I (somehow) got the weird notion to clean out my "crap" from the garage... err... I mean the Shop. His Shop.

I think it may have been the fumes from the stain he was using at work. Thought like those don't usually pass through my wee mind. Maybe it was Good Coffee deprivation.

Had to have been something weird like that.

He does make some purdy purdy things out there... and has been working his tail off on the remodel- God love him. I don't know if he really thought it would take this long, be this involved, or link into other things like it has. He has the same To Do List issues that I do :)

He does need his space... and I do have a lot of stuff- I just HATE the idea of tossing it out. I mean, I must have saved it for some important reason- right? And the act of "cleaning it out" is never easy, you have to be in JUST the right frame of mind, and the stars must be alligned... the baby must be sleeping and the Daddy-O must be OFF THE PREMISES.

Nothing stops progress like someone "helping" you pitch out Your Stuff, while reminding you that you are a freak for having it in the first place.

So - after boxes and boxes (spilled boxes, WTF boxes...tripped over boxes, papercut in-between the fingers FROM The boxes...) it does look a lot better in there. And it is nice to have sorted through the mess- AND to have thinned it out. He thinks I did it for him, but really- it wasn't that bad.

But just don't tell him that.

I got the fever...

Seven birthdays down... two more to go. At least they are on the same day!!

I always thought twins were pretty cool. NEVER in a million years thought I would have my very own. In fact, when The Good Doc did the untra-sound and said there she is... OH and theres "The Other One..." I thought he was teasing.

NOPE. It was a two-fer. No history on either side, so SURPRISE!! And I have no idea if they are identical. They look alike, and are often called by each others names- but as for identical? I don't know. Don't really care. They look like sisters. But then again ALL of the little blonde monkees look like they are related. Or something. I wonder why? :)

Any way... Their Birthday isn't for a few more weeks. So I have plenty of time to sit and wait and do nothing in the way of planning until like the day (or the hour) before the cake hits the table.

But I feel like I am doing the military "hurry up and wait" thing all over again. I didn't like it so much before- and now that I am military-spouse free... (Even if the Navy wants me!) the ole Hurry Up and Wait is more than a little tired.

Hurry Up and sign up for classes, and then Wait so long for them to start you can barely remember what you signed up for in the first place.

Hurry Up and pick out what light fixture you want in the bathroom... just so you can order it and Wait for 6 weeks. Or more. Probably more.

RUN, dragging a herd of children behind you, to the nearest possible bathroom (which is on the OTHER side of the super Wally World) because the kid HAS TO PEE NOW!!!! just to get there, drop trou and wait. FOR NOTHING. 'Cause he can't go with everyone waiting for him.

Other than the Hurry and Wait Syndrome that has taken over my life... there is also the To-Do List Infection. It just keeps spreading. Like a really awful rash. I bet I am not the only one either. Its an epidemic. Mark something off your list... and before you can even feel like you accomplished anything- you realize that your list has some how gotten LONGER rather than shorter. Damn, now I am itchy too.

And there is no cure.

With the Syndrome, and the Infection- everything else seems even worse. You try and take things one step at a time- but to get THERE you have to GO HERE first, and then if you are going to GO HERE, you might as well just DO THAT too.

The But First Virus. I think this one could be the end of me. At least the tiny bit of sanity I have left. I want to paint the bathroom. BUT FIRST...
-AND when I say I, I do me HE- as in the Super-Hubby- that does most, if not ALL of this stuff. I "assist." I can fetch soda, and run to the store LIKE A PRO!

BUT FIRST I need to replace the toilet. BUT FIRST I should pull up the crappy linoleum and put down tile. BUT FIRST that sink should come out, the cabinet replaced, the ceiling leak repaired, the window swapped out... and then WHAT KIND OF LIGHT FIXTURE should I choose, and then have to wait on?

So I pick out (and order and wait) on the fixture... but now I have to add all this other crap to do to The List. Putty for the wall, paint, tape a wax ring thing, a whosit and a thingee or 3. And Beer.

Feels like I have been busy all day and it feels like nothing got done...and I have an even bigger list for tomorrow.

All of this has got me feeling a little woozy~ maybe I'll just lay down for a bit. Work on The List a little more. I AM out of coffee... and since I am just going to have to wait til morning to go back to town anyway...

Oh, But First I should go start the washer...and the laundry needs to be folded, and the kids' shoes are still in the middle of the floor, and I forgot to make lunches for tomorrow....

Busy weekend! Thank you for all the Birthday wishes... (for me and Clara too!)

Clara reached her very first birthday- and the rest of us survived it too! We had the traditional 1st birthday spaghetti dinner, and then she had a gi-normous cream puff (we had brownies and ice cream...) Little Stinker ate it like a champ, so the messy birthday pictures aren't so messy. LOVE the photos of her and her desert... she's SO dainty! Maybe she does take after me. A little. hahahaha!!! Not really, but I can dream. She does have my chinS though...

My Best-est friend surprised me with a visit- and brought cake, candles, flowers... and gifts (BAGS OF THEM) for the kids. Very smart lady, she brought OUTSIDE toys... so they could play and we could visit! She's my best friend for good reason! She lives over on the "wrong side" of the Cascades and WORKS WAY TOO MUCH... so we don't get to visit much. So any visit I get is appreciated- bunches and bunches. Not many people know what to do with someone who has a herd of kids as large as mine... so to have a buddy who knows to bring bubbles- is a treasure :) Thanks Meesh~

Steven (and I) worked on the bathroom remodel- and is almost finished. I pretty much watched the process, and ran for parts. :) It's turning out to be pretty AMAZING~ but I can't post photos till it's finished though, Bosses orders.

The kids start school (here at home) on Monday, I go back to class in Mid-September (one of the last four I need to get into the Nursing program. Horray!) VERY excited to get some "mommy around adults" time. Ahhhh, grown ups!! Just one class, but it's a start!

Everyone around her is (for the most part!) doing well, staying healthy and out of too much trouble.

So Far.

Knock wood!

Feeling (nearly, almost, sorta, slightly?) normal again~ I don't know if it is the bathroom Re-do or the fact that the UPs Man dropped off 40,000 boxes of the kids schoolbooks... :) Schools starting back up BABY!!

Almost... Summer seemed to have gone by way faster than expected. Didn't do too much of anything, but seems like The Big Push is here.

All the stuff I wanted to get done, NEEDED to finish, start, take care of... has to be done RIGHT. NOW.

So much for the "Lazy Days" of summer. I still forget that being a mom means NEVER having a day off. Or an un-interrupted trip to the bathroom.

Oh well, I should be used to feeling like I am runing non-stop. In circles. The list of "have done" is way shorter than the list of "to do." But that pretty much sums up life~

I did have my mini break-down. With all the options available, I think I chose the lesser of the "you did WHAT?!?!" evils. When all else fails... whack the hair!

Better than running off to join the circus, and less permanant than a tatoo-

It's Friday, ALREADY?!

I don't know what happened to this week- but it is gone already. Kept trying to think about what all went on, and really can't come up with much.

We did finish painting the boys room blue, but still need to go over the edges. Again. and probably again after that. Did I mention it was BLUE?

Replaced the faucet and shower head in the kids bathroom. Not nearly as scary as I thought it was going to be. And a cheap-o shower head from WallyWorld was $1.96. I figured I could live with blowing that kind of money if I screwed it up :) The faucet was a different story. It had a hole on the side...so nothing was coming out of the faucet. 'Hole' seems a little like calling the grand canyon a ditch- this thing was messed up. MESSED UP...the tub would fill up from the water that shot out the side, bounced off the wall, and splashed into the tub. Classy, No??

It's all old around here. The bathroom is Harvest Gold. And we have HARD ASS water. And the people ( term used LOOSLY) were extrememly challenged (creative IN A NOT NORMAL WAY) when it came to building, plumbing, and wiring. Every day is a new adventure.

There is a lot to be said for country living. The kids can run and be loud with out the cops showing up with noise complaints, but sometimes the hard water, gas prices, snakes, frogs, WASPS, ants, goat heads and thistles- can wear a body out.

Oh well, at least it's not the same thing everyday. ALWAYS something else going on.

After the kids bathroom repairs didn't blow up in my face... or flood the house, I stuck a new shower head up in the master bath. 'Master bath'- hahahahahahah. The only thing that works in there is the shower... and that is being VERY generous in the defination of 'works.'

Much better now, the water actually comes OUT of the holes, instead of dribbling out. A little.

We did manage to go to Walmart almost every day, and a Dr appointment, make a million and a half phone calls, clean out the TV room... made a billion meals, washed a ton of laundry... and mountains of dishes... Changed diapers FOR ONLY ONE CHILD!!! JJ decided 3 years was PLENTY, and pretty much has potty trained himself.

THANK DISNEY- and underwear with Cars characters on them. You CAN'T pee on Lightning! It's been 3 weeks, and only once was there anything close to an accident. AWESOME!!!

So over all, I guess I did a little this week. Still feels like it went too fast, and nothing got done. Except the usual. Which doesn't seem very exciting or note worthy in the slightest.

*(^%#$&(!!

That's about how this weekend is going.

I finally sent the kids to their rooms... and most of them actually took a nap! It was AMAZING!

AND instead of doing the normal~ hurry up and (try to) clean the house (at least a little before the tornado's woke up) I plopped my ample arse on the couch and vegged out. For a few minutes there I might have even dozed off. Not that I would be tired or anything. Nope... NEVER.

So instead of scrubbing the floor, finishing the laundry, washing the dishes... vacuuming etc that I usually try to squeeze in during the day... PHTtttttttt.

It would be dirty again 10 minutes later anyway...and the couch looked SO soft...

I forgot the Momma Law. NO BREAKS FOR YOU!!!

SO whilst I attempted my zombie impersonation, the monkees stripped down their beds, and made tent type things ALL over in the bedrooms. Which pretty much involves draping sheets and comforters over EVERY surface of the room. Which also means ALL of the clothes in the closet were taken down carefully (thrown of the floor) and kept neat (stepped on and scattered over every square inch of carpet) where they could quickly replace them when their play was over (still on the floor, and have no intention of EVER coming close to a hanger AGAIN.)

The Nearly Potty Trained One, left me a gift in the bathroom. He tried to clean it up himself- but LORD I wish he wouldn't have! Cleaning up after a 3 year old who's cleaning up... NOT A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE.

And it was even less pleasant when Hubby came home and found the house looking even more chaotic than normal (if that is possible) and me sitting on my arse. Crap.

Bad Momma. And dinner wasn't ready and waiting either. 2 strikes.

I think I am grounded.

Well, at last check the bathroom is spic and span and ready for action once again. The clothes have migrated (the pile anyway) to the back of the closet... in the shadows... so Mom doesn't realize they weren't actually put back. Just sort of. Well, they aren't in the middle o the floor. That's a step, right? Dinner was tossed together, but edible. No one is complaining. Yet. So far, so good.

And now, I am recording this lovely weekend for all posterity.

Is it Monday yet? Weekends wear me out.

Dammit!

Just when I was getting on with my (not so) exciting life... getting used to the status quo... The damn college catalog shows up.

WOW- they have listed 2 classes that I need... a Biology and a Chemistry... SURPRISE!! They are scheduled AT THE SAME TIME (overlapping schedules)! It doesn't matter though, with the number of classes they have available (1 chem and 2 biology) I'm sure they will be filled up before I even have a chance to register. AGAIN.

Not like these are required, pre-requisite classes or anything. THAT EVERY ONE HAS TO TAKE!!

I don't get it. If you have a huge waiting list for a class... wouldn't you get the clue that maybe MAYBE there is a NEED FOR MORE CLASSES!?

Just another example of the universe holing a pretty in her hand, just so she can laugh at you trying to get to it.

Dammit. This is getting old.

Ahhh- TGIF

Well, after a long week of NOTHING much going on- Friday is finally here!! I did manage to set up a family website, hoping to get a lot of history... AND RECIPES out of it :) The kids... the shortest of the 7, had their check ups- shots and everything... they are awesome! The boys taught Clara that the best way to deal with the immunizations is to give a dirty look to the nurse. She did great... cried for about 10 seconds TOTAL... and was back to her normal smiley self in no time. Me, I would have whined, made faces, whimpered... and would only had submitted if an ice cream bribe was available. Actually, I DID have ice cream when we got back... But the kids are all fat and sassy... healthy with the appropriate number of bruises and bumps that come from living in the country- AND the daily trials of having a herd of brothers and sisters. Maybe I am doing something right after all. Maybe? So beyond the weekly Walmart (daily?! haha!) trips, running into a few old friends. There isn't much to write about. Man, It gets old feeling so OLD!

Lost

Aimless. Looking for direction- or meaning in my life.

Not really, just bored. I think.

Well, I think that's what you call it when you have WAY too much stuff to do, but don't have the motivation, drive, slightest interest :) in doing any of it.

Ehhh. Blahh. I just need a nap? Coffee? Project (interesting one!) College degree? Vacation? Any and or ALL of the above would be good!

Stalker!

Evidentually Target works as a "run into" site as well.

Either that or She is stalking me!!

but not in the creepy, freaky way. Nice to see ya S!

Random Ramblings

Walmart- I honestly think I should just set up a booth there. Or they should have designated seating areas to sit and visit with all the people you run into... that you haven't seen in years and years. Apparently Walmart is the vortex in which all lost acquaintance's suddenly re-appear. Usually all at the same time. When you are in a rush. Or the kids have to go to the bathroom. RIGHT. NOW. And always when you are standing in one of there ridiculously narrow isles.

You'd think, with all that Walmart does to get you into their store, that they would try and keep you there as long as possible. Which isn't too unpleasant if you are speaking to someone you 1)like 2)are near human 3)or are someone you haven't spoken to in awhile, but WANT TO.

Instead of the back log at the checkouts (grrr) why not toss out some benches somewhere? Maybe then we wouldn't be so bitchy about the lines. Throw in an espresso bar, and we could make a day of it there. You get most of our income anyway... might as well make us comfortable while you take it!

I ran into a couple of friends and even a few relations the other day. While I was blocking the isles. My 7 kids, her 3... plus a few in passing. Ahh- we're not fancy, people can go around us!

It is kinda of cruddy that of all places to meet up with people, it has to be at Wally-World... but at least there is a place for psycho, stir-crazy, house- bound peoples to get out. Mingle with "civilization."

And yes, I do know only crazy people shop there. Why do you think I go? And Why do you think I find people I know there?

Plus they have Frappicinos. That staves of the caffeine shimmies until real coffee can be found. **********************************************************************
In other news, Kenny and I got to go have a girls day. We haven't had much of a chance to get out on our own- usually someone in diapers needs attention. Or something.

So we went, had our nails done, She got her hair shortened...not quite as much as she wanted, but as much as I could bear to see go. Went shopping and to the Harry Potter movie.

I think I was just the driver and personal ATM.

Maybe I counted wrong. She can't be a teenager yet. Can she?! **********************************************************************
My parents have had a houseful (well, forever! But recently a bit fuller that usual!) I don't think I can remember a time when they seemed happier!

Dad and my Bro have gotten into flying remote control airplanes. Well TRYING to fly them~ And I think they are passing on the affliction.

For the past week or so, All I have heard about are the airplanes, the jokes, and how there are 5 or 6 computers and multiple cell phones up and running. At the same time. Why speak when you can IM... across the room!

The kids and I went over yesterday... comfortable chaos. Got to visit, have some burgers. Realizing again, how small a town/ world we live in.

We always considered them as family... with all the chain link connections around here... Maybe we are! ************************************************************************
Yes, Dad. Texas is purdy. But you'd better take me if you go!

In a Nut Shell~

Yup- Blondie is 11. Don't know how she made it... But she did! She is definately and origional, NOBODY even comes close- to this Macadamia. Shes a definate Nut :) But life is never boring. Always a drama. Full of the unexpected. And Un-brushed hair~ Happy birthday Kenny- We love you!

July~

I haven't posted in a week- Ahhh but it seems like just yeasterday!

JJ had his 3rd Birthday on Friday... He spent all day looking for "my Birthday!" but couldn't find it anywhere. He spent the day practicing putting up 3 fingers, and telling everyone he was "It my burfday, and I am dis many... wait for the fingers... tree!" FINALLY, he found "my Birthday!" ...aka all his presents. AND HIS BIKE!!!I think he enjoyed it! Then we had the Christmas in July BBq... Since we have A HERD of July birthdays we have a BBq on one weekend, and do a group birthday thing. Good kids, GREAT STEAK, lots and LOTS of water fights. It's enough to about wear a body out. Lots of fun, lots of busy...One Birthday left this month... Which is good- A little birthday cake goes a LONG way!

2 to go~

Finally, over the July Birthday hump!

Steven worked on his birthday, came home and promtly played in the sprinklers. Isn't that how EVERY 32 year old celebrates? Then we went to The Resturant, and had his photo taken in The Big Ass Sombrero. Classic!

Just 2 to go. The (almost 3 year old) EASY to buy for- he wants everything, and is just as happy to play with the box it came in. Then there is the (almost 11 year old) THAT is a completely different story.

It's Monday again, Stevens off working and the kids are all huddled in front of the tube. I know it's beautiful outside, but it's HOT. I don't blame them for hiding out in here.

AIR CONDITIONING ROCKS!

So this week- I'm gonna... I have no idea. The usual- laundrydishesbathsdinnerreferee but nothing else too exciting. Still working on the "Christmas in July BBQ" but there really isn't much left to do. And all the B-day stuff is (mostly) sorted out and finished.

Josh and Kenny are all counting the days :)

Coming through the fog

Today is better. Knock Wood.

A long bath, a mindless novel. Actually DRINKING the coffee...All good things.

This morning there was Thunder, and Lightning. Yes, capitalize those babies... the kids get ALL. WORKED. UP.

Something different- Very Nice!

And then it rained. NOTHING ON THE PLANET is better than a nice rain after a hot and sticky (and completely CRAPPY) week.

Gotta love the rain. The cool, the smell, the new of it all.

Inhale... Exhale

Things look better already :)

and.... here we go.

Just one thing. For one thing to go right... ANYTHING!!!

I spent the last of my change on a coffee... just to turn around and spill it all over the car.

Changed the baby TWICE... and had the tabs pull off. While I turned to grab another one... she peed.

Kept quiet to keep the peace, and THAT started a conflict.

WHY THE HELL is everything SO HARD, RIGHT NOW?!

Can't keep a thought, remember ANYTHING. Nothing seems to work the way it should. Keep waiting for the next big disaster.

And still looking for a place to go scream.

But Things Will Get Better. It Will All Work Out. Everything Will Be OK.

Right?

Holding On

Ever get to the place where you feel like "If I can just hold out until..." or "After (whatever) things will get back to normal?" Just hold my breath and tread water~

Scary thing is... there is ALWAYS something coming up. Something AFTER the next something.

THIS is it. THIS IS AS NORMAL AS IT'S GONNA GET.

"Just keep swimming just keep swimming" (Dory-Finding Nemo)

Mommy time out.

Just what I needed after a LONNNG weekend. A very long morning.

I swear, it's never just one child who has an issue. They ALL have to be little asses, ALL at the same time. Never in exactly the same way of course... woundn't want things to be too easy to sort out. Anyway, I don't have enough rooms in this house to seperate everyone to try and keep the peace... and if I did someone would be breathing too loudly through the walls, and a brawl would break out.

So when it rains, it usually floods.

Oh baby is it flooding.

I have already lost my temper, and sent everyone outside so I could TRY and unwind... before heads begin to roll around here. Is there a place for mom to go and just scream. For a day or three.

Like I said. I'M TRYING.

And it's all little crap that is driving me insane, so there isn't really anything I can do to change it. None of it is big, noteworthy or even anything I am able to put my finger on, just the little BS daily crap.

I must have hit my limit. Last straw and all that.

And what is most horrible- is that I was stopped in Wally-World this morning... and a lady asked if I wanted another one, mine were so "well behaved" she wished I could train hers.

I'd be laughing if I wasn't in tears.

LOOONG weekend

That was a really long weekend. The Fourth should be situated on a Thursday or a Friday- that way you have a short work week- AND the weekend doesn't get that summer vacation blahhhh.

There really is only SO much couch sitting, PlayStation playing, movie watching, Slip and Slide sliding, a body can handle before needing a break from the break.

I definitely need a break from the break. I like the quasi-structure of having certain things to do on certain days (but the flexibility to blow them off too!) Like Taco Tuesdays. Sure, tacos get a bit monotonous... but it is SO nice not to have to think about what to make for dinner! Tuesday is also Town Day... groceries, errands, library... new movie releases.

With 7 kids, the grown ups don't get out much (AT ALL. Like EVAH!) Well, as much as we would like to, and not nearly as much as the kids would like us to either. Anywho... We buy movies. LOTS of movies. We'd give Blockbuster a run.

But knowing that Tuesday= Tacos, new movie (and possible cuddle on the couch time) is something to look forward too.

Looooooong weekends- not so much. Unless you have plans to go do something. Somewhere. Ummmm like the beach, or maybe- I don't know... THE BEACH!! Long weekends are, well, LONG. The days run together, people keep asking "what time is it NOW..." and not believing that it's 9pm and still light.

Sure the together time is nice, but TOO much family one-ness... and the Funny Farm starts to look pretty durn attractive.

July is just surreal around here anyway. First there is Independence day, but the fireworks are gone in 15 minutes. my Sister, 3 kids and 1 hubby... all have birthdays. Cake overdose. Not to mention what the heck do you get for a 29ish sister, a 6 year old (Stinker), a 12 year old (in a 32 year old body), a 3 year old (ruler of the world) AND an 11 (going on 16!)year old?

Let alone when do you shop, and where do you stash the loot?

So, while I recoup from the LOooong weekend, I get to (stress) plan for the Celebrations to come.

That doesn't sound restful, does it?

Like I said, I think I need a break.

Summer Lovin'

Damn- it's hot! Teeny weenie pool $3.49 Slip and Slide $9.99 and Mike's Hard Lemonade... priceless!! Have a great weekend~ more shots on My Other Site

4th of July

Climbing the walls

Just a typical day around here. Monkee-ing around. Notice the two-fer? Monkee see, Monkee do!

At least the kids are cute

More pictures on The Other Site~ http://myduckies.spaces.live.com/

It's a hard knock life...

Have you ever felt like you were getting the short end of the deal, that the "good stuff" happens to other people? That you have missed out, been passed over, over looked and/or disregarded? Invisible and in demand all at once.

Kinda feeling like that this morning. And It sucks.

I KNOW I am lucky to have what I have, to have been the places I have been, raise the children I was blessed with... It is horrible to feel this unappreciative, there are people who tell me how lucky I am. That they always wanted a big family, etc...As they are on their way to a spontaneous dinner, or headed for a vacation, or out shopping for things they want, rather than just the things that they need.

Damn, some days are hard. Impossible hard where you just want to throw a tantrum (you've seen enough to know how to do one properly!) and cry.

I wouldn't trade what I have for the world, it would just be nice to catch a break once in a while. A little extra time. A little extra money. A little less stress. A lot less bickering.

There are a lot of "It would be so nice to.... get away for the weekend, have extra room around the house, to just be"- instead of to be just constantly struggling.

Then, I get surprised with a good day, and unexpected hug. A toothless baby smile, and I feel better- and couldn't ask for anything more in life.

But not today. Today it's hard.

In L-O-V-E

I am smitten. Twitterpated. Head over heels in love-

with my washer and dryer. They WORK!!! They are HUGE- I can wash nearly twice as much a load as I could with the old set...And with the amount of laundry the Mud Monkees create... this is a VERY GOOD thing.

Enough about my love...I just wish the rest of the chores around here were so pleasant. Or I didn't have to do them.

Sure... Like THAT is going to happen!

It has been an odd week around here. Besides my new love moving in, Grandma has been taking the Big 'uns out golfing. That leaves me at home with the 3 shortest (loudest) ones. I just about don't know what to do with myself!

It is beyond strange to go to town, and start to talk to a child who isn't even there. The head count seems weird, I never had 3 kids (well, for more than 9 minutes anyway!) and I keep looking around for "the other ones."

I don't know how many times I went to show the girls a shirt, and then realize they were with grandma... or ask Billy to go grab something, and feel like a total dork when I notice that I am just talking to myself. JJ even thinks I am weird. And he's 3. What does THAT say?!

The Big 'uns seem to be doing pretty well- the eldset 2 have had lessons before, and seem to have the hang of it. Bill has pretty much always been able to drive farther than me, and Ken is doing it now too. It is just an ego killer to know that the 7 year olds can... and the 5 year old is better than they are. (Don't tell them I said so though, that wouldn't go over very well with the dynamic duo!)

It is pretty amazing to watch them, especially when they don't know that they are under observation. The serious ones are not who you'd expect, and it is scary to know that the girls already have their flirt on.

Oh, Big Brother... you have your work cut out for you!!

It's nice they get to go out and play, and practice... but I kinda miss having them all around. Even though they drive me nuts. Maybe because they drive me nuts.

Tomorrow is their last class, and then all the little monkees will be back- them complaining about not having anything to do, and me whining that I wish they'd just do something other than pick on each other.

Ahh, summer living... back to "normal!!"

Chunk. Chunk-chunk.

Today was different.

Went and picked out the new (to me) washer and dryer. Ours OF COURSE- died within a week of each other. Very nice. At least they were considerate enough for one to short out, and the other to flood the laundry room. Alternately.

Anyway, they are GONE. Bye Bye Peg and Al... Hello to Betty and Barney. I figured I should name them, I spend SO MUCH of my life in their presence. This way I can pretend they are friends of mine, and people won't think I'm looney when I go on and on about the time spent with them.

I know, I need to get out more.

So after that lovely CHUNK of the budget, I made an appointment to replace the windshield of "The Cool Car"... chunk chunk.

Now I get to plan and prepare for THE July. We have 5 family birthdays in July- My Sister, My hubby and 3 kids. So, it's a lot like Christmas around here. But with more cake. And no tree.

Chunk chunk chunk.

Ahhh, and here I sit. No job, no school...and me naming the apppliances/

Wow, I love this town- and all of its opportunities. Honestly, if I had a life (outside of these walls) I never would have met Betty. And that would just be sad.

Embrace the simple life

Here it is Monday again. (It IS Monday, right?) Hubster is off at work, the big boys are at grandmas "helping" (aka living it up with Uncle Bobs big screen and Grandpas ice cream) and the Girls are using the team approach to getting Blondie to actually DO her homework. Cross your fingers!!

Yes, I make the kids do homework. IN. THE. SUMMER. I got really tired of hearing "I'm bored" and they are too short to paint the house. Just another attempt at saving what meager portion of what sanity I have left.

I'll let you know if it works.

I do love that the kids are getting big enough to sit at home if I need to do an emergency diet Pepsi run. Seriously. Me with out caffeine is an Emergency. Capital E. Ask the kids.

Well the store is only about 5 minutes away, so a 15 minute sprint (sanity break) is nice. I usually have a clinger or two, but sometimes a break from the 10 minutes of load, buckle, run back inside to get what someone forgot. Drive the 5 minutes to the store, 10 minutes to unload. Brave the public (are ALL those YOURS?!) Reload. Unload. Pop some Tylenol. A 15 minute near solo trip is a nice break from the near hour it would take otherwise.

Inevitably someone will make it to the car missing at least one shoe. Or pants. But that's a rant for another day. Unloading has its own quirks, such as Where did those fries come from? What was that smell? How many heads do we have? And "don't leave your shoe in the car?!!!"

Come to think of it, it might same time if they just kept them in there. Hummmm.

Cheap flops in the van= peace of mind + minutes shaved from the loading process.

Might have something there :)

Big Rock~

I hate Saturdays. Sundays don't appear much more exciting.

Bluntly put, huh? Today has been nothing special, but that- by default, means generally crappy. I spent all morning thinking it was Friday. Again. But other than Taco Tuesdays Grand Adventures, the days seem to all blend together. EHhhhh.... I wanna go DO something. Anything. Especially if I could do it without all the usual road blocks, "If we only, " and the other assorted BS that seems to always get in the way. Babysitters, gas prices, un-finished homework- unexpected expenses. Will the van be OK? But the baby's teething... WHAT happened to the windshield? I feel like the poor camel. Pile it on, pile it on... and all it takes is a little nothing to knock everything over. This delicate, and completely fragile balance that I try so hard to maintain. Doesn't feel like I'm doing to well with it at the moment. I used to think I was pretty good at working around "complications" to make things work out- maybe not exactly as expected, but they would be OK. I can't seem to even come up with options anymore. It all seems like to much work ro bother even trying to figure something out. Ehhh. Maybe I'll figure iot out someday~

Or just Stupid.

It seems like the "world" in general thinks I am.

"You're JUST a mom... I mean you don't work or anything... I mean like a REAL job..."

Or when I don't hear or ... egad! Forget To Do Something!!!

Or how about the looks from the kids... I HAVE to be a few bricks shy of a load.

PEOPLE!! Give me a break. Cut me some slack already!! It's not like I haven't slept in 13 years or anything. Come on!!

Occassionally I DO get something right, know the correct answer, and have my own thoughts and opinions...that are not invalid just because they came from me. It's just that none of that gets remembered.

I know moms have a seperate set of rules, like last one to bed, first one up. Make the dinner AND clean up after. Hot bath water is first come...and moms come last. If there are less cupcakes than people... well, then MOM should get them. That doesn't happen. BUT IT SHOULD!!

I am a grown up! I have 15+ years of school! I KNOW what happens...when you fall asleep with gum in your mouth...when you lick a pole-outside-in the winter... when you go down the metal slide in a skirt...that you WILL survive if your mom forces you to do your homework when the weather is "Perfect" for swimming. if I forgot to pick up your special 'whatever'. Hello- walmarts open all the time!!!

These are things I DO know... That and I am NOT STOOOOOPID!!!

Im just sayin'~

No-Life crisis.

I think I am in the midst of one.

A no-life crisis? Never heard of one? I cut my hair. I dyed it too. Anything for a bit of change- Yep. No Life crisis. Well, that's what it feels like.

I am a stay at home mom, and can totally understand how some other moms can over schedule, hyper-parent... It's not so much getting their children everything they never had, or even one up-ing the Jones about how little Johnny is doing ALL of THIS, and how Sally is doing all of THAT.

I think the reason the kids are kept so busy is so that the moms can hang out with other ADULTS...even if it is only while you suffer waiting for one class to finish up, so you can rush to the next thing.

Honestly. Stay at home moms (ME) have been known on occasion to frequent grocery stores, Super Wal-mart... etc just for the brief quasi-human contact they are starving for.

"Will that be cash or credit..." is often responded to with a burst of in articulate babble- Oh wow the weather is nice, The kids are all being good right now, and everythings OK-except my friend was sick and the cable went out, but we're really doing great, did you get a hair cut or something, you look different... of Im sorry Debit, I really like what you've done with your hair and STOP IT JJ!! I can't believe all the shoppers here today. Oh, yea..OK. Thanks, I'll talk to you later- sorry to hold up the line!!

Anyway, back to my personal slow rollin' melt down.

I think many moms out there (going from my vast experience of being... ummm... me) Are slowing starving from lack of mental stimulation.

Also, with all the news out there about how moms don't contribute $$ to the family, let alone the knowledge that "Oh, I was a stay at home mom for the majority of the last 13 years..." Don't look too hot on the ole resume if you know what I mean.

So what are we supposed to do when we hit "retirement" age. Haha. Like a MOM ever gets a chance to retire! We haven't "worked" so we get squat from Social Security... any retirement that would be coming in would be from one income-NOT MINE! Sitting on kids all day doesn't present much of a chance for further educational opportunities...Oh, and IF there were classes available... it would be DOUBLE the cost of tuition. Tuition, books, AND daycare. So as much as it would suck to work all day just to turn around and hand your paycheck over to someone else... who gets to spend their time with your kids, see their milestones, play with them- all the good stuff-...Going back to school- you still have to pay $$ to be kept away from your children AND get the added bonus of homework.

I was thinking about that. IF I want to get my nursing degree (and had the classes available LOCALLY!!) I could do it in about 3 years. While I am still "young enough" to have a chance to build up a nest egg for those later years. So I don't have to eat cat food.

Where I am now, and life as it is... by the time I get in, get out and and job worthy, I'll be too damn old to find a job.

McD's hires seniors right? I DO know how to wipe off a table...Maybe I am not out of luck after all!!

But alas... here I sit. No school, no job, squawking children bickering because its the 4th day of summer vacation and they are BOOOOOORRRRRRRREDDDDD! I sit here and ponder the future... and can only go about as far as to what we are having for dinner, and if everyone has clean underwear.

(Chow Mein and YES, we do.)

I really don't have the time or the energy to worry, just taking each crisis as it comes and all. Because I am a mom. I am supposed to be here and fix everything for everyone else. Mom time comes after everyone else is taken care of. But then what? It just scared me all of a sudden to wonder what will happen "someday."

Someday the house will be clean.

Someday the kids will be gone.

Someday I will wonder what the hell I was thinking, and wonder what I am supposed to do now.

I think I have a solution. There could be a telethon for moms. Blues Clues for Motherly Sanity and Retirement Assistance, or something of the sort. Honestly, I spend more time conversing with Dora, Boots, and Steve (from Blues Clues)than I do anyone over the age of 18. At least she asks questions and waits for a response instead of moving on to help the next one in line.

So I think that maybe I am in the middle of this No-Life crisis. Everything seems to be a big Catch 22. You can't get there from here.

I don't know who I am. (Other than just The Mom.) I don't have a job. (But I do have a lot of work.) I always wondered what I would be when I grew up, but now I think I know.

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