Every day ( or so it seems) I think about how I really should get back to this site and write. The little vents here seem to help keep me grounded, keep me sane, and as close to normal as I can possibly get.
But then LIFE, and occassionally sleep get in the way and I keep putting it off. Geeze- what the H was I thinking?! This is SO much cheaper than therapy!!
I am down to about 3 weeks left of my first senior semester... and and terrified that I should be graduating in May. Really? Realllllly? I still don't think I know enough of anything... and I am at the point where I don't even trust my own health to my judgement let alone anyone elses. But I am sure I will be fine... thats what the voices keep telling me :)
But right now- things are a mess. Nothing seems right. Anxiety attacks are back. Health issues, family crisis' seem to happen at the exact same time as finals and evaluations. The kids' school stuff is in direct conflit with the time management of my school stuff... and it woul sbe SOOOO nice to be making some money rather than just living off the financial aid.
I feel like there is never enough of anything to take care of what I feel like I should be taking care of. Not enough time, energy, money, forethought, emotion, intelligence, me. I feel like I am doing a pathethic attempt at way too much and failing at it all.
But I KNOW that it won't always be this way. That things will get easier, get batter... sometime. My damn arms are getting tired... and I would love to know when