Saturday, April 21, 2007

Saturday, the day of ???

Here I was, hoping for a nice relaxing, boring, homebound? day. After last week- and "good times" spent in the van- the hours and hours and HOURS spent. In. The. Van.
NOPE. No such luck.
List in hand, off to Home Depot. Again. On a Saturday. AARGHHHH!!! But I had a plan! :) Not too bad- had specific things to get, a strict list (with precise descriptions) and we got there early enough that it was an almost tolerable jaunt. We even stopped by Walmart. Again. On a Saturday. Evidentally, we won some sort of cosmic lottery, got in and out- in one piece.
I almost fell asleep waiting for Steven to come out and get his lunch- but other than that, haha, a nice morning. Came home, re-painted the bathroom (same color, 2nd coat) and an now kaput. I am so tired, I can't hardly keep my eyes open and my fingers moving.
I would still like to know when MOMS get a weekend!! Or a nap. A guilt free nap... Yeah!!
Totally a change of subject, but I just saw the weirdest thing. As I started to type out this whiney post... I spotted the twins off in the other living room. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see one of them log rolling back and forth across the floor. She'd bump into the wall and roll back the other way. Then her sister (aka The Other One) would run and do a fancy little leap thing over her, wait until she had bounced and started rolling back- and do her leap the other way. They were both DEAD serious about it, not smiles, like it was a matter of great importance. Is the roll strait? I must time the leap and hold my arm just right. They did this over and over and over. It was hypnotizing- in a weird sort of "what are they doing NOW- Twins are SO weird" sort of way.
I will never understand their secret little whispers, or the reason for the giggles they share... but I am so glad that they do. Always in Amazement! Weird, but worth it.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Crazy week

After I have the drivers seat and my arse surgically removed from one another, I will be able to sit and write about all my lovely adventures.


All day in town.

My lack of budgeting skills.

Yummy (?) cheese tots at BK. haha.

So, after recovering from the seperation... I will be back with all the details. That is unless I die from fast food overload before then.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Happy Birthday

Billy is 13 today. It still doesn't seem real. Have I really been changing doapers for 13 years?!
He is turning into such a good guy. I can't believe something THAT good came from me. Yes, He's a dork. And a smart ass. I take credit for that :) but he is also incredibly kind, thoughtful, and protective (at times) of all of us.
He is an all around good guy. I am happy to know him. Enjoy spending time with him. And am PROUD AS HELL that I am his Mom.
Even if I am not old enough to have a teenaged son.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


Have you ever noticed that one person can change your day? Running into an old friend in town, or getting a "I'm glad you are here" hug can make a huge difference in a day. Or if someone is grumpy. Or indifferent. On Edge. Short. It changes the way everyone in the house acts. It takes over the day, and all activities, thoughts, movements are based on THAT particular aspect of life. If One person is gone from the group- the whole dynamic changes. If moms having a bad day- things are worlds different that if it's an OK one. I find it amazing that just one person can cause that much change. How do you use it, and make those situations positive? Happy? Involved? Carefree? Mellow? You can't 'make' someone change their mood, or their mind. If your heart is set on doing something, it sucks if it doesn't work out. That's life. Get over it and move to the next thing. It's not like we have the space/ means/ opportunity to do what we all want to, when and how we want to. But is it possible to NOT take it out on everyone else? Pick up someone elses mood, rather than spreading your bad one? With all the kids and personalities running around here- attitudes are bound to pop up. The rest of us are forced to deal with them. What else can we do? It would be nice if I could just disappear for a while. Let things blow over and rejoin when things are less frazzled, messed up, stressed out. I do tend to get sucked into a book, or in front of this screen when things are "off." I pull back. I get quiet, and controlling. EVERY little thing feels like it is my fault, at my expense. The eldest wants to play on the computer- and can't. I get to deal with the 'how comes' and the 'I'm bored now's.' Of course, if I had let him do what he wanted to, he would be happy now. I am a terrible mother. My daughter won't finish her homework. I am a mean mom. I want to actually be able to read and understand what she wrote down. Her life is horrible, she can't just sit and play all day. I have ruined her life. And I will hear about it. The twinnies are fighting. I step in and make them stop. Don't hit, kick, push. Don't take, tattle, whine. I am evil. I am not fair. They both cry. The boys are loud. They want to play and do like the bigger ones. They are too small. I am mean- and they will do it anyway. Hubby says the house is loud. And Messy. And I worked all day. Nobody will leave me alone. I just want a break. Me, I want to quit having everything be a battle. I want a break, space, quiet. I want people to talk TO me, WITH me. I want to sit and cuddle with my family. One at a time. Or as a big group. I want happy. Pleasant. Involved. Shared. What am I supposed to do? I can make no one happy. Let alone everyone at the same time. I don't have the option of shutting off, or moping around. I still have to be available, even (especially) when I don't feel like it. Because I am the mom. I get to run around and try and make things better. A little at least, but as much better as I can. It's exhausting. It is frustrating. It feels useless most of the time. It's not easy. It is very seldom easy.

Treading water~

Again, it's another of those days. I feel like I am back in the pool again. No matter how hard I swim, no matter what I do to try and stay afloat, I am still treading. Sometimes, there appears some sort of backward momentum, a current(?) but I have yet to comprehend WHY it would be there. It sucks. Take yesterday, just an example mind you... but a fairly accurate view of my day. My life. My world. Yesterday, I had a plan. I had my lists, condensed down to where they may actualy be of use. I had everything I needed, plus 7 kids and a raging headache. Both of which I could have seriously used a break from. I should mention the morning started out rough. But what morning doesn't?? Hubby didn't understand why the 2 year old was loud, demanding, whiney, obnoxious (ummmm... HE's TWO!!) and left for work thinking that I should have had the little tornado under control. Hahaha. NOT funny. After ALL of the children were washed, fed, dressed (yes, usually in that order) we loaded 'em up and headed 'em out. Had to run a few errands, and spend all of hubbys money. Not really. It just feels like that sometimes. It was still pretty early, so Target was our first destination. They had some clearance Easter stuff... so I shopped. It's not like I had a choice- it was 75% off. But then, a cart load later, we left for the YMCA. In hopes of getting summer camp stuff figured out, we went on the first day of sign ups. We got there an hour early. So we re-load and head to Home Depot. I know, I know. Nobody ever said I was brilliant. 7 kids. BIG store. Nice spring, SATURDAY. What the HELL was I thinking? I have no idea of the specifics of the thought...but damn it, I had a plan. I had lists. Mom on a mission- and we went. I figured at the very least it would eat up that hour. Boy Howdy. It was a mess. We wandered for a bit, pricing a few things for other plans..on other list.. to do on other days. We finally ended up in the paint area, and the place was a mad house. With the lines -not to mention the heards of screaming children that were forced to accompany their obnoxious (and mainly rude) parents- you would have thought that the employees might actually move. A little. Evidentally, I was again mistaken. The more people waiting for you, and the lounder (and rowdier) the people in your work area ARE... the slower and more inept you become. These people had to call and ask for help, for every tiny little thing. The customers, and even most of my children KNEW what to do. And they were SO SLOW. They would talk slow. Walk slow. Turn and give their disgrunteld looks... slow. Having a herd of kids, I seem to be pretty patient. I can understand busy. This, this was painful. And frustrating. Like having to wait for the cookies to finish baking, and then having all of them eatten before you get to have one. But then, at least, it smells nice. We did manage to get the paint, go to the grocery store (yes, I know it was Saturday... the kids finished all the milk, and I NEEDED a latte!), and forgot to go back to the Y. Got home JUST in time for the phone call- "You didn't bring me lunch?" Dammit. Looks like I blew it again. Overall, I did manage to remove the mirrors in the bathroom and feed the children, paint the bathroom and referee a lively game of "he did/ she did first!!", apply a second coat of paint and chase down the two year old with a loaded paintbrush. Managed to make- (and eat!!) dinner, supervise baths (so nobody would touch the walls!!) and basically survive the evening. Such are the days of my life. Instead of highs and lows, mine revolves around lows, lowers, "what the HEll's??" with a few patches of level living. There are a few sporatic (and never ever long enough) upward movement. I like the up ward movement. But if we are keeping score... On the down side- I had a 2 year olds morning, was way too early (and then forgot entirely) about the Y, had to go to Home Depot AND the grocery store on SATURDAY, forgot the lunch, ate too much dinner, and played second fiddle to a video game. On the plus side-I got the paint, and painted. I got the Y info, and some good deals on clearance. I actually ate dinner while it was warm. I TOOK a bath. I still have some brownies (Billy made for me!!) left. UPDATE: It looks like it will be a bit out of reach this year. It looks like the budgeting of Summer camp needs to start a whole lot earlier than I had thought. Score one for the down.