Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Here I sit.

Sitting here, in relative quiet thinking about my life.


The kids are cleaning (haha) their rooms, dinner is in the oven and Iron Man 2 is primed and ready to go... and I am here with my heart ripped out.

Papers will be signed tomorrow and off to the courthouse after that. I know I have made the right decisions, but its still a pretty big ouch.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Day off?

The term "day off" is a joke. A fraud. A total tease. A "day off" for a mom? Are you kidding me?!

Got some unexpected news yesterday and now am trying to process it. What to do, how to do it. Have gone from the shock- to the mad. Currently in the PROTECT phase of the process. I hate feeling like I need to do something, in a legal sense, but would feel worse if "the worst" were to happen.

Those monkees of mine are my first priority, every thing else is nothing.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Sick and tired

I am completely...

sick and tired of being sick and tired. Long hours and crappy sleep do not a happy momma make.

And this breathing out of only one side of my face is getting very very old.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Its Wednesday already- how did that happen?

Back to work at Peds- and I am amazed at how much more I learn every day. You'd think that College would have taught me a lot- but the job has taught me more... and I have only been there a month! Crazy how much I don't know- but it keeps you humble, right?

Like I need another lesson on humble. Or humility, or responsibility, or stress!!

Still a work in progess here trying to get this single, workin' mom- thing down. The kids are happy and I am still afloat- so I must be doing something right. It helps to have good friends and family support.

Especially when they provide orange-chocolates and vanilla vodka :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010


Was called into work last night- overnighter shift. First on "on my own" for the most part. Wow- do I need to learn to speak spanish!

Mom and Dad offered me nap time... bring the kids over and sleep today- SOOOO nice to get some rest. I dont know if its the bed that is amazing, or knowing I could sleep and the kids would be covered.. but it was lovely. I dont even remembering my head hitting the pillow.

Back in the drind tomorrow- working on the Peds floor. Just when I was starting to get used to the 4th!

I have decided that busy is good. Too busy to worry about all the other crap and focus on the kiddos, and boy am I keeping busy!Doing better- every day... a little better.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Ahhhh Friday!

Today was a good day- I was able to have lunch with My Ladies, which was way over due. Nothing can improve the state of mind like being surrounded by your friends.

We even had movies and ice cream... all my monkees and me.

I can honestly say- I loved every minute of it~ definately a good day. And not a sceond too soon.

Another day

Im tired. Physically, emotionally- Im drained.

Honestly I dont know why I ever thought I was required to be all things to everyone... but show how it looks like I have taken on that responsibility.

Maybe Im incredibly slow- but I just dont think I can do it anymore. I just figured that out.

I cant alwyas be the strong one, the grown up, the one with all the solutions, and I can't bear all of the burden of blame- no matter how hard I try. And suprisingly- I think I am able to realize that I shouldnt have to be.

NObody tells you this when you are growing up- dreaming of being able to stay up as late as you want, eat junk food all day, and plan your "perfect" life.

On second thought - its probably for the best that they dont. Its too depressing.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


Lately I have felt like the butt of some gigantic cosmic joke. And I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to deserve it.

Cut me some slack- will ya? Please?! Im begging here- and I DON'T do that.

Who ever it is up there running things definately has a sick sense of humor.

Did you see I said please??

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The one where I bitch.

Im not at all into the He said-She said stuff... BUT when I get calls from people I dont even know, asking me to clarify "the situation" because it doesn't make sense.... I think I have the right to vent.

Just like me having to break the news to the Mother-in-law. How is that right?

I knew I would somehow be made the bad guy. That things would get twisted and details left out- in order for OTHER people to be blameless. AND I should be mad...

BUT IM NOT! I am PROUD I have an education. A job. A backbone. And a little bit of self respect. If being the "bitch" is what it takes to protect my family, and be a good mom to my kids... I will wear that label with pride.

Monday, September 13, 2010

New Era

Today the last of my monkees started her first day of public pre-school. I am the only person I know to have kids in each one of the five public schools in town. I think there should be some sort of prize for that... like free brownies, or a tummy tuck.

Dressed in her new finery-BRIGHT school bus yellow skirt and shirt- that totally matched her yellow, cut out girl name tag. Sporting her very first hair cut (5 cm trim of the ends of that mullet shjes been wearing since she firt sprouted hairs!!) It was a good day. Buttercup was even chosen to be line-leader- the teacher figured she had so many siblings that she would probably know just what to do, and how to do it. The teacher was right- she did.

I admit I was a little bit lost trying to figure out what to do with a morning to myself- it was oddly quiet...but checking my watch every 5 minutes or so just to make sure I wouldn't be late to pick her up- kept me pretty busy!

I can't believe they are all in school- and I am finally OUT of school.

Crazy how time flies.

Sunday, September 12, 2010


Another training day at work- and another weekend with the kids running havoc on the house while I am there. They did attempt to do the chores I left for them... to a certain "kids definition" of clean.

A work in progress, so to speak.

I did get my first "good" paycheck- the one where I am an RN- and was supposed to help me feel like the last 2 years of homework and stress were actually worth something... and they didn't change my payrate like they were supposed to. Opening up a much anticipated (and now totally needed) check for 1/3 the amount you are expecting- makes you want to shrivel up.

Now I am terrified to look at the bank account- knowing it was ravaged to begin with- being the grown up is not all its cracked up to be.

At least I HAVE a job, I HAVE an education, and I HAVE hope for being able to take control of this financially "interesting" situation.

It still stings though, when I hear about people planning vacations, or home remodels, or talking about their new cars. Thats not going to be me- for a long time. I just wish I could give the kids more-

Saturday, September 11, 2010


LOTS have happened since I last wrote here. I am now working at the local hospital, and I love it. ALL the kids are back at school- including the tiniest hiney (part day pre-school!!)and I love that too. And I am now a single mom. Not an easy thing, but I am dealing I have with it the best I can.

I have re-discovered my completely lack of tolerance for stupid, and for drama- I just don't have time for those. I have homework to check, bills to pay, and kids to love. That keeps me plenty busy~

I have also been reminded how important it is to have good friends, a great family, and lots of support- I really am a very lucky girl. Just looking at my living room surrounded by all of my 7 monkees is proof of that.

Life is full of changes, and this is just another one of those. Wish me luck...

Friday, June 11, 2010


Ok, so I graduated WSU (yea me!! Now I need to pass my exam and get a job) my 5 year old graduated from Kindergarten (yea!! All day school next year!) and my daughters born on the same day (who have let me know that calling them Twins, twinners, Dee and Dum- are no longer appreciated) had their ceremony today- Moving up to 5th grade (another school).

I have come to the following conclusions. Graduations are WAY over rated, and happen all to often for any of them to feel like much more than another thing to check of the list.

I am proud of my monkees- and me too- but the ceremonies have to stop!!

people dressed up talking about the future (and not making much sense) and "recognizing" every little thing is a good way to blow a couple of hours- but dont really convey the deep meaning that they should, imho.

Slap on a goofy hat, snap a few photos, have some refreshments and call it good.

We have summer to get to people!!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Amazing Kiddos

Of course- I have amazing kids. Absolutely!

And I am not biased at all :)

My Billy just made the HS performance choir... AND he is only a freshman...

My MacKadoo is doinging amazing at school- and can sing pretty well herself. Viks beware...

I have an amazing dancer in the making- Caden can pick up moves like nobody I know

Kayler is my designer- fabric, pencils, paper, color... this girl is creative.

Tommy boy just finished up his first year of Little League- and did great. His coach gave him the award for "best arm" - and the smile on that guys face is priceless.

JJ is loving his t-ball- and has declared himself to be "the bestest one." I would have a hard time arguing with the little man.

Claire-bear is my little drama queen- and couldn't get much cuter if she tried.

I have a pretty amazing bunch. I have a lot of them- and they amaze me every single day. I don't know how that happened- but I couldn't be prouder of them.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hear me roar~

Ok-so its been raining ALL day again, I haven't heard anything job wise, and I am a grumpy witch too.

Talk about good times!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


So this morning started with a monsoon and a prayer. A prayer that th rain would keep a'coming till 6pm so I could reschedule some of the stuff that my way overbooked Wednesday had in store for me.

Mother Nature is NOT my friend.

So I go to miss EVERYHING!! I had a little league game (last of the season and I had ye to take a photo) that started at 630pm, 2 teens in their last choir concert... at 6pm, and the pick up of a feild tripping twinner sometime between 530 and 630pm. So....

Called in the Momma back-up (my mom - thanks ;) )to come to the game and take photos.... Daddy-o was coaching. Dropped the teens off at 530 and went to the warm up of the slugger. Got a call from the twinner... ran to pick her up....waited for 40minutes in the school parking lot... ran to the concert... the last 10 minutes that DIDN'T involve my spawn... and by then the baseball game was over.

Super mom my arse- I missed EVERYTHING.

Oh and the rain stopped at 4- bright and sunny, no wind... just a bunch of puddles- I shoulda been prayng for rain all season- this was the best weather we've seen all year.


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Concession Stand~

Today my boy played T-ball... and I was at another field in the concession stand. I took Kenny with me- and sent Grandma to help herd the chil'in.

First of all it was JUST MOMs that volunteered ... and there were a couple of teen daughters that came too. I was COMPLETELY impressed with those girls!

Kenny was awesome. Got in an worked, laughed, helped- just really came out of her shell. 3 hours with someone I could call a friend- not just a kid I had to watch out for.

Maybe I am doing something right to have kids turn out that good ~

Or maybe shes just amazing. Definately a possibility :)

Monday, May 24, 2010

yup- another Monday.

Survived another one. Whew!

Applied for another (cross your fingers!) job... setting myself up for another rejection. At least I am used to the feeling now, right?

In other news... FB continues to be entertaining. There is SO MUCH MORE involved in being am at home momma than people (most people) realize... and I have been beyond busy- with little to show for it.

but I am starting to feel like passing my boards is possible. Not yet, but possible.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Friday was a day- like no other.

I did so much stuff it took a while for me to sit and spill! LOL

Helped my friend move... it was a 4 nurse event...and I swear I will sell everything I own before I pack up all my crap and move again. Im sure I wont- but wow. Moving sucks. I haven't had to in a while (knock on wood) but sure did come to appreciate the Army Movers.

My Friend is on her way to Michigan- By Leslie... keep in touch Lady!! and drive safe. Oh yea- BUY A KINDLE ALREADY!!!!

Came home, picked up the Teen.. and spent 3 hours at the ER. Teenage games of Leap Frog is a growing epidemic in our community. Especially when the (dork) misses the mark, flies over the kid, and slams his shoulder into concrete floor. Not broken, just sprained. And has a lovely sling to show for it.

He does have supportive friends who texted him in the ER..."hear you fell off a horse and was hurt! Good thing the Walmart greeter was there to unplug the pony before more damage could be done. Becareful!! We worry about YOU!"

Kids- sometimes they are dorks... other times they can be funnier than ... um the dorky things they do!

Rain Rain ...

So I am feeling like I have lost some of the shiney... New grad- sch-mad. Just another expensive piece of paper. BSN definately has more than one meaning.

Sitting here on a rainy day - one of many lately. ANd I can't get enough. Starting to think that Ireally do live on the wrong side of the state... the not green one. Maybe THEY would hire a new nurse?? It would make the beach commute less of an issue.

Ummmmmm Beach.....

Yesterday was pretty cool though.I was able to watch a very good Little League game (in the sunshine!!) yesterday. T hit an awesome line drive- that his teacher was there to witness- and she got so excited she yelled out "Yea Tommy!! No home work for the rest of the year!!!"

Gotta love that!!

I got to hang out with my niece too- cute little thing. Almost makes me wish I had a tiny hiney around here... then she filled her britches :)

Not a bad way to finish up the day... Then I had to ruin it by trying to study. Bad, bad bad, BAD.

Friday, May 21, 2010

mixed feelings~

Ok- so I didn't get either of the two jobs I totally thought I had... and then get phone calls from BOTH of my interviewers telling me I was great- qualified- wonderful- BUT....

And they both asked if they could keep my number- just in case.

So it sucked to NOT be hired, then it sucked again to hear that I was great- but just not "enough."

Frustration x 1000.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Looks like I missed a day!

Yesterday was nice and rainy... Today started out the same. JJ was praying for the sunshine- T-Balls first game was tonight. 4 and 5 year old SuperStars- every one of 'em.

Still fighting the headache, the stress and anxiety of Boards, dinner and laundry, lack of job ops for a "new grad"... how do you gain experience if you cant get a job?!

Totally missing my motivation. If found PLEASE send back to me... this couch isn't as comfy as I hoped it would be.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Weather ??

What has been with the weather lately- pouring rain, wind gusts, scorching heat... wait 5 or 6 minutes it changes. Feels like Colorado.

In positive news... T-ball practices are the bestest. 4 and 5 year old SUPERSTARS!! :) :) :) :) and icecream bars after. Nice day

Monday, May 17, 2010

Manic Monday

Wish it was Sunday... Thats my fun (nap!!) day...

Completed two job interviews...avoided studying (again) for my boards... went to a baseball game...

And a killer migraine.

I have such an exciting life :)

Sunday, May 16, 2010


I re-discovered the wonders of a N-A-P today. Sure sending the kids down is great... but somehow finding a way (or accidentally crashing out on the couch) to catch a few Zzzzzz for myself.... PRICELESS!!

So Sunday was shot- but in a good way:)

Tomorrow... heading to interviews- REFRESHED. Enthusiastic. Eager. Desperate?!

Complete with "new grad" shine... Bring it on.

Saturday, May 15, 2010



Our towns Commuinity Days (Parade and Carnival) was today.

7 kids. 'Nuff said.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Coffee cancelled. Job I really REALLY wanted went to someone else.

Pretty much feel like shit. EVEN MORE when people tell me that I SHOULD have gotten it.

Yea- Im THAT amazing.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Another day- another cluster...

Ok- so 4 dentist appointments, 3 kids played hookie... nothing like MOM scheduling appointments on State Testing Day... no one ever said I was the sharpest knife in the drawer :)

But they are DONE... (until next month when 3 go back for panoramic x-rays... 2 for orthodontic baselines and one for a severely cracked tooth.)Cha-CHING. Times 3. AND the teenagers havent even been seen yet.

Really needing to pass the Boards and start making some money. Ehhhh.

Came home, to find my pretty vines were shredded (but I didn't know you LIKED them!!grrrrrrrr!!) and a grumpy hubby (who could not find his socks)and chewed us all out for HIS issue.

To Do for tomorrow... buy the boy flops. No socks required. :) AFTER I have a coffee double date. Clara and I with my friend and her girlie. Caffiene and conversation :)

Looking forward to it ~

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

LONG day...

Today I ran.

Not in the traditional "cardio workout" fashion. It was more along the lines of "crazy ass busy mom" run. On the go- Some days even I don't know how the heck I do all the little things I do- and still avoid the looney bin.

One kid off on the bus, RUN the twins in- they needed to be to school early. RUN HOME. Get a 'mergency text to rescue my brother...load up the rest of the kids and RUN. Almost get there and he saved himself. Yea! for him... RUN back to school to drop off the boys on time. RUN back into town to hit wally world- visit my friend and her beautiful newborn at the hospital- briefly- and RUN Billy back to school (late start for him.)

RUN to the elementary school to drop off flowers for the school nurse... its National School Nurse Appreciation Day... Did YOU say thank you?!?! Pick up JJ early to RUN to the dentist. Get a call on the way about forgetting a filed trip (oops!) Sit throuh the teeth cleaning of a three year old - with her know it all (and STILL loudest child on the planet) brother. RUN to get some lunch before the next medical appointment.

Get to a nice family resturant- order, RUN to the bathroom. Get our water, and start to color...RUN to the restroom. Get the meals, RUN back to the restroom. Threaten the lives of BOTH the shorties about how this was the end of the bathroom privilages (for the 2nd time) and head back to the table. Thinking I have totally lost control all the way back.

The kids eat their lunches, and the cell phone rings. I realize that I never really had control in the first place.

The check comes, the kids are fed... the seniors comment that they are "adorable"... and I still havent taken more than 3 bites if my salad. Box it up and RUN back to the doc's office. Cesear salad in a hot van for a "brief appointment" ... ummm yuck. Kinda made me miss all the unique smells of high chairs and exersaucer cleanings.

1.5 hour long dr appointment, 3 shots and and RUN back to town to pay some bills and get a phone call. Moooooooooom can you pick me up I missed the bus.

RUN back to pick up the teenager, and RUN home to throw something together for dinner- that didnt involve chicken, or salad. Sent the boy-wonder off with Daddy-o to baseball practice and I curled up on the couch.

Seems like I finally ran out of RUN.

Tomorrow looks interesting. Coffee is out- BUT I have the excitement of an 8am dentist appointment, a field trip, a late start school drop off, 3 more dentist appointments and a mini mental melt down ... just in time to RUN home make dinner and rush out for more baseball.

I probably could use a nap... if the insomnia would cut me some slack. :)

Maybe that Coffee needs to get back in there.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What day is it?

Sitting at home on my ample arse... I have come to realize that I am already starting to have trouble figuring out what day it is. Thank goodness for the lower left corner of my computer screen- or the monkees would be stranded at practice, dropped off at school too early (or late!) appointments would be missed and I would feel like an even bigger waste of space than I do already.

I escaped to Borders last night to search for a NCLEX (nursing Boards exam) review book. I figured buying the book and having it in my physical presence would help me feel like I had some sort of control over the scary test experience. After I spent $60 bucks on it (and another $40 on "fun books" to bribe myself into studying with) the confidence I was hoping to buy.... still no where to be found.

The run for the Borders was perfectly timed though- I ran into my fellow graduate (and anxiety riddled buddy) doing the same thing. Ahhh stress is what brings us together... crippling fear keeps us huddled together.

I did manage to be social enough (from my couch in my PJs at 3 in the afternoon) to make a tentitive coffee date for Thursday... I havent gotten to visit with her in a year. Yea- I can do that :)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Another Monday~

Back to the blog. I am more than a little out of practice- (and I just watched Julie/ Julia) so the blogging bug is back.

And without the semi constant grown-up people interaction I have become accustomed to- I am a wee bit lonely. Stir crazy. Lost. Maybe talking to myself (or to you!!) will help me maintain some shred of sanity.


THIS will give me a little but of daily responsibility. Some structure in my suddenly unstructured existence. Something to check off of the ever present "list."

Ahhhh. now what to write about??

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Somehow- I actually did it. I survived 2 years of kids, family drama, and full time nursing school. Wow.

I couldn't have done it without a LOT of help from my friends and my family- and the poor little kiddies having to go to bed early so I could cram in an hour or two of studying. I was very lucky to have been in the class I was in- they are some of the best people I know... AND you all are LUCKY to have nurses like us, be there to take care of you!

So now that the shock of the accomplishment is wearing off- and before I dive back into the books so I can study for the State Boards- I am trying to figure out what to do with myself. And who am I anyway if Im not the over scheduled, sleep deprived, running out the door for a 12 hours hospital shift... if Im not doing those things?

Never a dull moment- but I keep thinking I should be working on 12 simultaneous projects... just to feel "normal."

But I think I need (deserve) an nap first- don't you? :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010


2 years that have seemed to take a lifetime. BUT its almost over. Today was the last day of Community Health- and soon practicum will start. I have been getting some crap about slacking on this site, but DEAL WITH IT!! :) I've been a bit busy. LOL. hahahaha ... yeaa... There is a lot I have completed, more I need to do. TONS of things I WANT to do... Soon People Soon. Thanks for hanging in there- May 2, 2010 can't come soon enough. I might even have a chance to get to know all those short people who live in my house. Maybe. They are kinda weird.