Thanksgiving Vacation??

Why is it that on my "vacation week" I have more to do than on the non-vacation weeks?

That just don't seem right!!

I have more school work to finish up, loose ends to tie up, way too much food to eat than I ought to :)

But its still vacation if I can do most of it in my pajamas, right?

Elizabethtown

I found a new favorite movie... And have completely fallen in love with the soundtrack.

Santa... if your reading... :)

The good life~

Yesterday I had an anxiety attack. Actually a couple of them. And my friends were there for me, even with out me having to ask- they were just there.

Again. Like always. I should realize that by now.

But it still amazes me that I can actually count on people. I seem to try so hard to do it all on my own, afraid that if I don't do it, it won't happen. I really should know better- some of these Ladies I have come to depend on have become some of the best friends I have ever known. I know I would do anything for them, and they have proven (time and time, crisis after crisis) that they are there for me too.

I guess old habits die hard.

To say I feel lucky. Blessed. Honored. Is like saying that the sun is a little bright, that water is a little wet, and that I have a "few" kids.

So bring it on world... (not really, please!!) but if it does I know that I can deal. I am not alone, and that my Ladies are there for me. It will be ok.

busy? Who me?!?!

To say things have been crazy around here would be a huge understatement.

Every day ( or so it seems) I think about how I really should get back to this site and write. The little vents here seem to help keep me grounded, keep me sane, and as close to normal as I can possibly get.

But then LIFE, and occassionally sleep get in the way and I keep putting it off. Geeze- what the H was I thinking?! This is SO much cheaper than therapy!!

I am down to about 3 weeks left of my first senior semester... and and terrified that I should be graduating in May. Really? Realllllly? I still don't think I know enough of anything... and I am at the point where I don't even trust my own health to my judgement let alone anyone elses. But I am sure I will be fine... thats what the voices keep telling me :)

But right now- things are a mess. Nothing seems right. Anxiety attacks are back. Health issues, family crisis' seem to happen at the exact same time as finals and evaluations. The kids' school stuff is in direct conflit with the time management of my school stuff... and it woul sbe SOOOO nice to be making some money rather than just living off the financial aid.

I feel like there is never enough of anything to take care of what I feel like I should be taking care of. Not enough time, energy, money, forethought, emotion, intelligence, me. I feel like I am doing a pathethic attempt at way too much and failing at it all.

But I KNOW that it won't always be this way. That things will get easier, get batter... sometime. My damn arms are getting tired... and I would love to know when that sometime will be.

Back To School

I went back on the 24th, and the kids started up on the 31st. Craziness times 8.

Throw in the usual family drama that happens the beginning of every school year and I have been a basket case. More than usual, more than I'd like too. I think I was too focused on the Curse of the Birthday, that I forgot about the Going Back To School Freak Out.

But what is a girl to do but keep busy and keep on keeping on? It will get better- or I will get used to it!!

I am really looking forward to this semester- mother/baby and peds. I really think this is where I want to be, and will be finding out how well it fits very soon :) --- Its good to have something to look forward too!!

Birthdays

...Are evil. I hate mine. As far back as I can remember, I have loathed the day. When I was little- I would be sick. Anxiety, nerves, what ever you wanted to call it. It all came down to me and throwing up.

Ahhh memories.

Then I grew up, and things got worse. Worse?! OH yea, worse. Any form of bad news, abandonment, major financial trauma... guess when it happened? You got it.

Yea Me. I have gotten so I HATE the dreaded day, would rather curl up and sleep through it, but I haven't been that fortunate. So I sit and wait for the next major catastrophe... hoping it will skip a year.

Cross your fingers.

I will be.

Saturday

Why is it that the weekends are harder than the week days? My vote is for the lack of continuity- the pace is slower and everyone is thrown off of their daily rituals.

And every one is home hovering around mommy hoping she will entertain (and constantly feed) them all. RIGHT. NOW.

Booooo....