Monday, June 11, 2007


Frustrated. Confused. Need of Brain stimulation.

Here I sit, enriching the lives of my children. Instilling in them the life lessons and education they will need to lead prosperous, well adjusted, not in JAIL type lives. I hope. As long as the threats of "do your homework!!!!!" don't stunt this growth and development. :)

But, Once upon a time. I too was drinking from the fountain of knowledge. Once, I think I remember. A mess of kids, part time job AND a 3.8 GPA. Ahhh, that was before daycare and tuition made it financially impossible. Before the kids progress in public school necessitated a change in educational instruction. I'm glad I can be here for the kids, but still... is it wrong to want more, for ME?

I had dreams. Well, if you call anatomy homework a dream. But being around adult type people was a plus. I had more to converse about than who had a runny nose, "the drier did a funny thing today," asking what people wanted for dinner, and reporting how many times so and so cried for no reason. Adult people are a plus. I am SURE that the local grocery store employees appreciated my "other" link to the civilized world- and gave them a break.

Truth is, I think my brain is starving. There are only so many trashy novels, Samurai Sudoku games, and horrible day time TV shows a body can handle. Well, in the 5 or so minutes of me time around here- you know there ARE diapers to change. Going over the kids geometry and algebra- doesn't challenge me. I already KNOW how to multiply. And spell Illinois.

So I want to go back and take some classes. I am 4 away from completing the pre-reqs for the local nursing program. BUT (BIG BUTT HERE!!) It will take almost a year just to GET INTO the classes I need. Eventually there is not a big enough demand for nurses for the college to have more than 2 offerings of the classes EVERYONE NEEDS. Pity the poor working people, or the ones with kids, because THEY DON'T OFFER Night Classes either. Which is a hole 'nother rant there in itself.

So I have a year. Just to try and get in. THEN, (because of deadlines) it could be almost another full year to get into the Nursing program. What do I do in the meantime. Sit and pout? Come ON! I'm not 10!!

SO full of hope here, I am drowning. No treading here, full on sinkage.

Just because I want to learn. Because I want to have a little bit of my own life. Just a little respect in the world- 'cause LORD KNOWS "Mom" isn't enough to garner any. "OHHhhh, you JUST stay at home with the kids?!"

Heaven forbid I want to be a nurse- HOW SELFISH OF ME. Especially since the health care industry is always needing more people. There is a NEED.

HOW DARE I think, I hope, or WANT to contribute. I know, It's all about ME, Me, ME!

But, Alas. I am just a mom. Here at home. Under the radar, out of the way. I guess I'll go wash socks or something, and clean the tables rather than study them.

grump grump grump and moan.

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