Friday, August 31, 2007

End of Summer

Today is my Cousins Birthday. Actually, I have two cousins with birthdays today...I don't think I have seen or spoken to either one in years. Life just seems to take over the thing you want to do- and leave you with the huge pile of things THAT HAVE TO GET DONE!

None of those... the things in the huge pile of daily garbage, are much fun. But we wade through them anyway- just hoping that we can get through enough of it to do something else. Like keeping in touch with people.

There seems to aways be "I wish I could..." or "It would be nice if I had time to..." Then come the "Well, after- the chores are done, the bills get paid, I get my degree, the kids grow up..." After all that, THEN I can do all this other stuff.

But there is always new things on the To Do list, pushing all of the "I wannas" farther and farther away. Out of sight, out of mind... until you just throw your hands back and forget it. Missed the boat~

Like Summer. It's damn near over. It went way to fast, I didn't do any of the things I had hoped to. Seems like I didn't do much of anything (that matters) but the bank balance says differently, and I was busy as hell doing all of this nothing.

I don't think it's just me, either. The moods have been swinging around here- something fierce. I know I get frustrated, maybe that is whats going on with all of us around here.

Let down after the summers anti-climatic finish. The school year has started, but were all here at home- so there is nothing really new there. Work is work, Chores are chores... we do the same things everyday- all the stuff we NEED to do, and little (if any) of the stuff we WANT to do.

That's a hard way to go. And even harder to deal with when you see it like that. Every comment is a condemnation. Every look seems questioning, every question seems like a challenge, every word feels like a declaration of war. The kids are snippy, the hubby is tired, and me- I am probably the worst. I sit here and analyze it all.

Moms seem to do that. More than I ever thought, until I was a mom.

The kid is running wild in the store- MOM gets the looks. Does bad at school, she should have done more to help. Home works not done? This One smacked That One? An errand went undone, we're out of soda, the power bill is too big, Mom must have been slacking that day.

Regardless of the reason for the "not peacefully perfect" I bet I can turn it around and say..."If I would have just.... It would have been OK."

Wow, what a way to end the summer. Bye Summer 2007- we barely noticed you.

But then again, if I had just...

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