Friday, December 14, 2007

UnWritten Mom Definitions

Mom Sleep- (quit giggling!!) Unlike NORMAL human sleep, where you actually go to bed, fall asleep, and then wake up to the screeching blast of the alarm clock... Mom sleep is comprised of 30 second cat naps, falling asleep on the toilet (for the minute or two you don't have someone physically crawling all over you- IF you are lucky enough to have shut, and locked, the door before being discovered.

We don't have set bed times, are usually up after all the kids have been threatened, bribed, physically moved into their own beds. Mom sleep patterns border on the imaginary, because as soon as we THINK about laying down, someone wakes up. "I want a drink," "Where's my ...blanket, flash light, still sticky with glue "art project"... I want it NOOOOOOWWWWW WWwahhhhh." "Mooooommmm... how come, why, whats the meaning of....I NEED _____ for school/ work TOMORROW!!!" All coming to light at the exact moment of realization... that they are supposed to be in bed.

Despite going to bed LATE, and taking care of all the last minute surprises...we finally head to the bed room...after packing lunches/ backpacks, throwing dishes into the sink, starting another load of laundry...with a head full of stuff we need to do for tomorrow.

Our nights are not restful- with cover hoarders, and short people with cold feet sneaking into bed. More than once. More than one kid. Can you carry a kid back to bed, tuck them in, and not be completely conscious to do it? Why yes, you can. The skill comes with the mom title.

Even while "sleeping" in the loosest sense of the word... we are never completely out of it. With every noise... creaking of the bunk beds, bathroom doors opening, lights on (anywhere in the house,) dogs barking, revele at the neighboring military post, the passing train, stray coughs and sneezes sleepy whimpers... we are at attention.

No wonder we space out, huh?

Mom Showers (again- quit with the giggles- this is INFORMATIVE!!) Mom showers usually occur after everyone else in the family has washed, scrubbed, splashed, and used up virtually every last drop of hot water in the house. It starts with a luke warm dribble from the shower head- because someone HAD To start the washing machine (the only time anyone does it with out being coerced of course) Soap, scrub FAST.... because you know a short person will come and throw open the curtain and/ or the luke warm water will run out completely. Once in a while, the toilet will flush and you get the frosty shock of water a little before expected... which makes it all the more the adventure.

Mom Meals - (all right- laugh.) Moms are not... under any circumstances allowed to sit at a meal. We are however given the opportunity to figure out what to make that won't cause revolts and rebellions... among the majority of the "feeders" not ever hoping to make something EVERYONE likes and/ or wants at that specific time/ place/ or state of mind. We might have our good moments, but we are NOT miracle workers. After making a decision (or weenie~ing out and making two) we get to make the meal, serve the meal, clean up the spills, discuss that while we know that child X doesn't like this particular choice, mom still loves them, really. "Wipe your fingers on a napkin- NOT on your brother, don't throw food at your siblings, close your mouth, your sister DOES NOT like it when you do that, no you can't have candy instead..."

By the time Hubby and Monkees get their plate dished up served, and sit down to eat-someone is ready for seconds.... repeat process. By the time THAT is wrapping up, dinner is cold- or gone, and moms are left with whatever is left on baby's plate that hasn't hit the floor first. Usually. The 10 second rule is expanded since Clara showed up...

Half a cold hot dog, and coffee- who could ask for anything more?

More insightful looks into the mom state of mind, and why the hell we are as crazy as we are...coming soon. I ran out of coffee, and value the lives of my children too much not to stop now for more.

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