Saturday, June 28, 2008

light bulb moment

Like many a Mom with way too much going on, I recently had a light bulb moment regarding my personal state of constantly frazzled craziness. The phrase “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it” seems to fit me a whole lot better than I’d like to admit.

My days are spent running around like the proverbial chicken, but somehow (knock wood) I manage to keep things rolling. (Please don’t ask me how- If I could put it into words, I’d sell it and be hanging out on a beach with a Margarita. Or 4) In all my craziness, I somewhere discovered my rhythm, found the groove, that carries me through. I am so much more productive on the days were a sane person wouldn’t try and squeeze in anything more (but I do) than I am on days where I don’t have much of anything to do.

Evidentially I have two speeds. “Warp,“ and “stuck on the couch.” Neither of which would I recommend for long term personal joy and/ or satisfaction.

Because of our obnoxiously complex schedules and multi tasking Mom-duties, we are sadly solitary. We (I) take on too much, and have severe delegation issues. Did I say that out loud? And who in their right mind would volunteer to tag along for all this high speed, high stress daily dose of insanity? NOBODY. So we run alone. Dragging the kids to this place or that, errands, appointments, groceries, and “hey I forgot my...” It’s all a very delicately balanced act, but also a terribly solo existence.

I have managed to find a few blogging moms on line who, like me, live the psycho over drive life style. We all seem to share the same craziness, and we are all so accustomed to it being ‘the norm” that we fear and dread the Uncomfortable Silence.

Seriously, what are we supposed to DO? Switching from warp to stalled, is something so foreign- that it is one (of the very few I might say) things I know I am never prepared for. I for one, deal with these rare instances BADLY. Like anxiety attack badly.

Without a schedule, a plan, a timeframe, I am like a lost little kid. Deer in the headlights. I freak and freeze. Somewhere along the lines I must have missed class that day. I have no idea what I like- I can tell you every one else's favorites (and shoe sizes.) My interests? Ummm getting to the appointments on time and to Walmart before 10 am? Does that count? Once upon a time I think I might have known what to do on a free day- but ask me now-and all you will get is a blank stare. I really don’t have a clue.

Have you all seen those stop smoking commercials? Where people are trying to relearn how to do things all over again, because they just can’t manage doing them with out a cigarette in their hand? That's me on a schedule free day. Completely unable to function as a human being. Short of steady string of drool running down my chin. But just barely.

Maybe Moms like me subconsciously choose to isolate them selves. Not thinking people can keep the pace on our mad dash through the day, and scared of looking like the next admitee into the nut factory when we hit a spot of unscheduled “down time?” Or maybe we just get frustrated hearing how “moms need to take time for them selves” and knowing that we suck at it.

Quite frankly I have gotten into the car and been sent on my merry little way by people with the best intentions- thinking they are giving me a break. A break would be assistance with out asking. Being sent out...on my own... is like a slow and evil form of torture. I would end up driving around in circles or sitting in Walmarts parking lot just wondering if I had been away long enough to qualify as having taken some "me time."

Either way, running (or not) hectic (or couch bound) moms run this marathon for the most part, on their own.

Sure, all the other moms are out there running around like crazy too- but we very rarely manage to be moving in the same direction at the same time. We get the abbreviated version of a social life- the brief bump into's and the mutual pick-up times are about all we mere mortals can muster. Yep, we are productive multi-tasking quasi-organized personal assistants, food servers, laundry washers and cab drivers... but we have not quite figured out how to keep it from being such a solitary way to go.

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