Uncomfortable Silence

Moms tend to live a fairly solitary existence. Sounds strange doesn't it? How can you have a house full of people, but feel alone? Or having a herd of kids around you 24/7... and having no one to talk to.

But it couldn't be more true.

I have a herd, 7 of the loveliest Monkees around, but rarely have someone to converse with. Sure there is a lot of talking AT, but it's just not the same. There is no give and take, no exchange of ideas, no swapping of information. It mostly consists of whining from one, or both, sides of the verbal swap-age.

This lack of "conversation" kind of goes along with our twisted defining of "quiet ." I know around here, there are a few variations- I guess it's all relative. There is the normal "quiet" which, for me, is the everyday regular level of back ground noise. Kids chattering, computer clicking, swamp cooler blowing...Life noises.

There is "too quiet" which is where there should be kids noises, but there aren't . NADA. This is a direct indication that someone has, is, or will be in a moment... something they don't want Mom to find out about. "Too quiet" is a bad thing.

Next is the "Uncomfortable Silence" variation. I am not talking about that awkward pause in the conversation where someone has just asked if ALL those are my kids, and I have replied yes- that's not uncomfortable, just a little weird. For the asker. The "Uncomfortable Silence" is the rare occasion in which Mom is alone. No kids, no agenda, no errands, NADA.

This is the Scary Quiet. The Uncomfortable Silence. The Twilight Zone Quiet. Being hard wired into Mom mode- any deviation from the normal hyper-speed “gotta get it done” throws off my whole groove. I really don’t know how to deal with it, and don’t know anyone who can help me get through it. Uncomfortable Quiet, really just emphasizes how solitary the life of a Mom can be.