Have you ever felt like you were getting the short end of the deal, that the "good stuff" happens to other people? That you have missed out, been passed over, over looked and/or disregarded? Invisible and in demand all at once.
Kinda feeling like that this morning. And It sucks.
I KNOW I am lucky to have what I have, to have been the places I have been, raise the children I was blessed with... It is horrible to feel this unappreciative, there are people who tell me how lucky I am. That they always wanted a big family, etc...As they are on their way to a spontaneous dinner, or headed for a vacation, or out shopping for things they want, rather than just the things that they need.
Damn, some days are hard. Impossible hard where you just want to throw a tantrum (you've seen enough to know how to do one properly!) and cry.
I wouldn't trade what I have for the world, it would just be nice to catch a break once in a while. A little extra time. A little extra money. A little less stress. A lot less bickering.
There are a lot of "It would be so nice to.... get away for the weekend, have extra room around the house, to just be"- instead of to be just constantly struggling.
Then, I get surprised with a good day, and unexpected hug. A toothless baby smile, and I feel better- and couldn't ask for anything more in life.
But not today. Today it's hard.