Friday, September 21, 2007

I've decided... well, maybe.

So, I am awful. Horrible. Selfish. Petty. Make bad choices. Am the biggest loser on the planet.

If I keep the kids at home- for school... they miss out on the social stuff- which is important. But I am ON all the time. Times 7. EVERYONE wants everything RIGHT NOW. At the same time. So do they stay, or go back?

I have yet to figure a way to clone myself. But then, I'd spend all my time cloning, and still feel hopeless.

I feel like I barely know the baby. The 3 year old RULES the world- and pretty much does. The 6 year old wants NOTHING TO DO with anything... other than bugging his brothers and sisters. The twinners are missing out on their flirt time, and daily trips to the library. Kenny lacks the motivation to do much of anything~ including brush her hair... or wear clothes that match, is constantly crying about missing her friends. The Bill, might actually be ready to go back too.

So, for the most part, I guess they are where they need to be to go back. Which was the whole point. But I feel like I have failed, I'm quitting...because it is hard.

Hard= worth it? Right?

So, fighting with the home schooling program about Speech classes, me going back to college, wishing I had a better relationship with damn near everyone... being stressed out, tired, frustrated... maybe now is the time to cut and run.

I can't remember when I only had 2 at home. At once.

I'm sure I will find something different to worry about then- still find away NOT to have a clean house- those bon bons and couch sessions can take up a lot of time. ha. ha ha. right.

But then I can feel horrible about throwing them back into a system that I took them out of. Feel selfish about going back to school. Just another thing that I couldn't handle.

But then again, if I screwed up... and they should be back in classes- I shouldn't waste anymore time. Maybe things can be better around here. If they aren't stuck with mom all day everyday- my nagging them to do their chores won't seem so contastant. To me anyway. To them it will always be constant.

OMG, what if I could get the two at home to sleep at the same time? I don't know what in the world I would do with myself. Study? Breathe? (insert hubby suggestion of "Clean the sty" here)

SO I am almost, completely, sort of desided. Resigned to the desision?

Guilt if they stay home, guilt if they don't. What should I do... that will screw them up the least possible amount?

Wow. No stress here.

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