Square peg, round hole?

So I sit here and wonder what exactly IS my deal. I seem to always be about a half step behind, never quite where I think I should be.

Kind of always felt like I was one of those Outside Looking In people. Boy does that suck. I was a cheerleader in high school- but never one of the "popular kids." I do pretty well with my classes, but by no means do I feel like I fit in there either.

Even with college, I feel not quite up to everyone elses level. Like I'm in a totally different orbit, all of my own.

Some ladies from class were planning to stay on campus yesterday afternoon and study for last nights exam. I had to run and do the kid pick up. drop off, make dinner, make sure every one was set... and rush back to class myself. When I got back, they were all sitting around, studying and visiting and having a good time. They went to Red Robin for dinner, visited... wow.

That's just a completely different world than the one I live in. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able to do that. Something as simple and unimportant as that- just to be a part of "the group" rather just being the one who watches.

But that's not where I am, or who I am. I don't know why it bothers me, but sometimes it is harder to see than other times. This time was hard-