Last time I braved the blog site, I just filled for Legal Seperation from hubby #2. This time, I have just completed the finalization of that divorce.
My heart still feels like its gone.
Mixed emotions, new stresses, realizing that Im 36. Have 7 kids. 2 divorces. A ton of student loans. Waiting for the next shoe to drop~
Im even more depressed now that I wrote that.
I have good friends and a supportive family, but I still feel like a loser. "If I would have tried harder"..."If I would have been better... different... enough..." But I KNOW I did everything I could. I held on LONGER than I thought I could- or probably should have. But none of that matters now- I am where I am.
Just think of all of those years spent thinking how amazing it would be when we would grow up and be Adults! All the fun, freedom, the excitement... What a total crock. Instead of that I get Laundry! Dishes! Calls from the Principal! and BILLS!
Not to mention stress, stretchmarks, and insomnia.
What a catch I would be.