I know I KNOW!!

It is already November. NOVEMBER people!!

I can't believe it- I have no idea where the time has gone. Other than obnoxious amounts of homework, and 6 "professional quality" papers I have been beating my head against. Seriously- if I had had the notion that I would have to write +30 page paperS (MORE THAN ONE) I would have reconsidered my choice of profession.

"What the hell was I thinking??" has become the mantra.

Ha ha- you would have thought with 7 kids, that would have been the motto LONG ago!!- No one ever said I was quick!!

Aside from going bat-sh** crazy, whats been going on out there in Blog Land? I feel completely out of the loop, I am gossip-less, out of touch, and stressed out. I can occasionally remember what day it is- and was doing ok with the time until the time change.

Being in school full time has changed things around here. My attention span is non-existent. The house is a mess (but thats pretty typical), Hamburger Helper has been sustaining life- (which drives me nuts, but the kids will actually eat it- and its fast- and they EAT it.) I have also realized that I am more (spazzy) scattered, distracted, blonde... now what was I saying ??? :)

I have transformed into a hypochondriac- all the weird disease, syndromes, or conditions... I have them. I swear I do.

The kids have all been pretty healthy- and ornery. Halloween was a blur- I will try and get pictures posted, but wont make any promises. There were witches, mad scientists (mad because he wanted to be a vampire, but couldn't pull a costume together- so he got what he got). We had a dragon (with garlic breath) and 3 buzzing bees. I never would have thought about being a Bee for Halloween, but evidently its pretty popular. Going on 3 years at our house- but I have weird kids. YEA!! I DID post something!!!

Thanksgiving is coming up fast- Mom in Law is going to come up!!That will be nice, we don't get to see her very often. The bad thing about turkey day is that Christmas follows WAY too fast after that.

I cant hardly comprehend that Halloween is over- where did summer go?! And I have not a clue about Christmas- way to much to do and never enough time to do it in.

If this nursing thing doesn't work out, I will have to really look into the caffeine IV, and cloning. 2 very good ideas that are discussed A LOT in nursing school!!

Speaking of caffeine, mine is starting to wear off and the lecture lady is about ready to start up again... I will try to get back here more often. Its nice to (pretend) to talk to grownups out there :)

Yes, its me. Is it you?

So I've been gone awhile. What- did you miss my whining or something?!

I have been trying to survive. School, kids, Kids'school, life in general. It has been a struggle. A lot harder than I thought, or expected, in ways I never thought of. There are so many "coping" type statements we keep telling ourselves, trying to trick us into thinking we have a chance at doing this.

Its a PROFESSIONAL program, not a college course. If it were easy EVERYONE would do this. Fake it till you make it. Sleep is for the weak. Coffee is for the exhausted. Sign me up for both.

My current favorite is "you may feel like you are just treading water..."

People usually just kinda stopp talking there, because treading is all we seem to do.

At least I have experience in that department.

JJ attacks!

The LCOP (Loudest Child On the Planet) has finally begun his formal education.

I warned his teacher... she still didn't have a clue! Seriously, the boy doesn't stop talking. He is loud. Has very firm opinions... and isn't afraid to let you know about them. AND he spent 30 minutes fixing his hair with "here geeel" so he could be handsome with his hair that was both spiked AND mohawked.

Dude was COOL!!!

Way to go Bub... proud of you!!

Family Fun

I have been so busy lately I have forgotten a lot of things. Gas, groceries, to eat... I have also had a few near misses. I DID remember to put on pants, the Twinners birthday, and to make the family reunion.

It was so great to see a lot of my cousins again, I have been really really out of touch- and that bothers me. Family is important, and I really should make more of an effort.

Yep, another work in progress... and I will attempt to get at least a photo up, there were short people and flying food EVERYwhere... good times, good times!!

I enjoyed it, and next year I will try to come a little better rested. I hear CornBall is fantastic!!

The terrible 2's

Why YES, the twinners had a birthday~ thanks for (reminding me) remembering!

They got flowers and balloons from Daddy-O, sent to their classes even!! They got a big pink birthday cake, and got to ride the bus to Grandmas for dinner.

They were spoiled by lavish displays of gifts, bling, stationary, cards, cash, and NEW SHOES!!!!

They said to make sure I wrote about the SHOES. Its all about the SHOES!!!!

I would post photos here, but that would have meant I had to remember to charge the camera, bring the camera, and USE the camera. 3 step process for a currently one step existence... Grandma saved the day :) I'll have to get copies from her~

But it was nice, and good, and they haven't lost or destroyed anything yet... so the birthday was a good one. Happy 9 my ladies~ I am scattered, but I still love ya the mostest!!

I... I will survive. Maybe.

Hello. My name is Amy. I am a student.

I have always heard that the first step towards recovery is to admit to having a problem.

And Boy Howdy... do I~

School is hard. But really its NOT school (so we have been told) its a "Professional Program. " Which I have come to realize means, more work, more expected... like giving up your life, not remembering to eat... forgetting what your kids look like. Running out of gas because you are too busy to remember to fill up the tank, not to mention having tuition costs (as well as NON tuition but still education related expenses) that keep you from ever wanting to look at your bank account - ever again. No sleep, full on stress about whats going on tomorrow (you can't begin to wrap your over worked mind about anything past tomorrow!) Never being able to "turn your brain off" and second guessing EVERY little tiny thing you do. Is this thinking critically? Did I remember all the steps? Remembering that taking someones vitals DOES NOT counting YOUR pulse rate when you are trying to check someone elses.

I tend to multi task and have the distant pleasure of typically counting BOTH the victim (I meant patient!!! PATIENT!) and my own. Mine is fine in practice, but get an instructor there to check me off- MY half of my the double pulse is usually higher :)

Honestly, I am not a completely inept air head, I just have senior moments "RELATED TO" increased stress, and lack of sleep. Food. sanity.

Exhausted, doesn't begin to cover it. The stress of the "unknown" isn't helping. Doing this mom thing on my own while Daddy-o is off workin' is definitely taking its toll on me. I am here physically, with them... but that is usually the time they are supposed to be sleeping. Heck, they don't even remember what dinner is SUPPOSED to be like, and have starting asking "which box is for dinner" rather than an actual food. And Pizza Hut and I are starting an affair- They deliver. Not that I have "forgotten" that the fridge is empty, or that I ate the last frozen chunk of Totinos in a middle of the night study/ scarf fest....

Is it NORMAL (YES, I know that normal is relative to the baseline...) to forget to eat? Not sleep because you have WAC and RCW statues running through your mind? Or waking up, after drooling all over your lap top... to realize that you have been trying to figure out a nursing diagnosis for Sponge Bobs case if The Suds?!

I tell ya, if they still had a bar across the campus, it would have nursing students living there.

But, scary as it seems, there are moments where I feel like I can actually pull this off. Maybe. There are seconds where this feels like I have been waiting my whole life to feel like I was actually going to be doing something that other people valued, and respected. That when I get old and have to fill out admit paperwork...I will have something to write into the box of "what was your greatest accomplishment." I just want to matter, make a difference... and this feels like the right path. Like this is what I have been supposed to do, and I just figured that out.

I get the bad, the hard, the mind numbing-ness of this program, and as hard as it is (and damn skippy I will be complaining) but the brief flashes of AHHhhh YEA! are amazing. Not quite as invigorating, energizing, or often as I would like...yet... they still show enough glimmer, to tease me just enough, to keep it up.

As long as I can keep my eyes open anyway!

Turbulence

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -Bernice Johnson Reagon

I don't men to get all philosophic on ya, but paralyzed is about the best way to describe my mindset lately.

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. -Joshua J. Marine

IT has been bumpy around here folks, I can't say that it hasn't been challenging. Mind breakingly, freakishly, overwhelmingly difficult. And it doesn't look to be getting any easier anytime soon.

So in attempt to remind myself to breathe... I need to remember that...

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?" - Sydney J. Harris

Exactly.