Finished up my first week back at school- Fried some bacteria, turned in my Nursing school application- anxiety laden week... and now we're making our way through a teenage over nighter.
Billy has his buddy spending the night... Pizza, Mt Dew, PlayStation3... and giggly little sisters. Clara spent the first 20 minutes standing in front of the friend- just STARING. Poor fella was sitting on the couch, the 3 blondies were hovering... and there was Clara, 3 inches away from his knee- looking at him like he was green with 3 heads.
Welcome to our home... these will be your stalkers.
Made the Saturday morning run to Wally's this morning... broke my "go before 10am!!!" rule... and remembered exactly why I made the rule in the first place. But I had to get the pizza... Billy informed me that Bud (name changed because I am sure something embarrassing will happen- to someone...and without posting his name, I can write ALL ABOUT IT and not feel too guilty about it) was coming at noon, and he liked Hawaiian pizza. Why do I care what Pizza he likes? MOM... anytime we have people over you ALWAYS get pizza. Except grandma... then you just ask her if she wants water or something.
Predictability in my old age? Works for me... at least people know what to expect.
Do you want pepperoni with that?
I have enough kids now that one can become a Dr, one a Lawyer, an Accountant, and still have a few left over to work in the pizza place... and bring me some!
Steven thinks they should all work at different places, so we have a menu selection...Some days that sounds like a really really good idea :)
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Trudging forward
I think I have the Januaries. Maye. At least I can call it something!
Went to the first class of my night Microbiology class. 6:35-9:35pm. Tuckered by 8, revived by 9... then couldn't get a good nights rest. Again.
Destined to be exhausted, and grumpy :)
Well, I finished up my application packet for Nursing school- turning it in today!! Meet the lady who will be my fill in kid sitter- she seems great. Josh has her boys in line, following him in to trouble- and Clara has a baby crush on the youngest boy. Oh man. She lives up a steep, and yesterday snowy, street... we made it about 3/4 the way up it... and then slid back about half the distance. Parked at the neighbors and hiked the rest of the way.
Made just enough dinner for the kids to eat, Hub to have seconds... and for Clara to drop hers. That never happens (making the right amount, not Clara pitching hers!!)- Its always too much or not quite enough + left overs.
Josh tried to figure out how many of Clara blocks would fit into the toilet, flooding the bathroom....before he was caught and sent to bed. I think the record is 3... maybe 3 and a half.
Well I should be doing my home work- or cleaning the house- or getting out of the PJ's. But the kids had late start at school, and my groove is severely shifted. Viable reasoning?!!? I think so~
Went to the first class of my night Microbiology class. 6:35-9:35pm. Tuckered by 8, revived by 9... then couldn't get a good nights rest. Again.
Destined to be exhausted, and grumpy :)
Well, I finished up my application packet for Nursing school- turning it in today!! Meet the lady who will be my fill in kid sitter- she seems great. Josh has her boys in line, following him in to trouble- and Clara has a baby crush on the youngest boy. Oh man. She lives up a steep, and yesterday snowy, street... we made it about 3/4 the way up it... and then slid back about half the distance. Parked at the neighbors and hiked the rest of the way.
Made just enough dinner for the kids to eat, Hub to have seconds... and for Clara to drop hers. That never happens (making the right amount, not Clara pitching hers!!)- Its always too much or not quite enough + left overs.
Josh tried to figure out how many of Clara blocks would fit into the toilet, flooding the bathroom....before he was caught and sent to bed. I think the record is 3... maybe 3 and a half.
Well I should be doing my home work- or cleaning the house- or getting out of the PJ's. But the kids had late start at school, and my groove is severely shifted. Viable reasoning?!!? I think so~
Monday, January 7, 2008
Writings of an angry white woman~
I don't know why I am so mad- But I am. I know I shouldn't be- which make s it all worse. I am mad about everything, and nothing. Big things and small things too. Things I have no control over, and things I have led myself into.
Classes start again today. I am sort of looking forward to it- but I miss having the kids home schooled. At least when they swarmed- I knew what was going on with them... but then I spend the weekend with everyone and am glad, sort of, that they all head out in the morning. I always hated the thought of using public schools as a daycare- but thats just what it feels like I have done.
I am just so damned mad about everything, and I don't understand why. Why now? Nothing has really changed lately. Same crap to deal with- shouldn't be a big deal, but it's crushing. Most of my latest gripes (whines) could probably fall under the "pity party" heading- but like I mentioned. Things are the way they always are- because that is how I let them go. Not really a change here- so why be upset now?
Can you be completely overwhelmed, and underwhelmed: at the same time? Feel unnoticed, then the Hub of "Why don't I have any clean socks... whats for dinner... what ELSE is there?" ... "Well, I WOULD have done (whatever) if the house wasn't a mess...the kids were quiet..." "I didn't KNOW I was supposed to wash with soap, Start the dishwasher, throw away the pile of garbage after I (sorta) swept the floor."
So which is worse... just doing it myself (and being pissed about it all) or hollering and standing over the short ones while they wiggle and squirm and still don't do it? I think I waste more time, energy, and wind power doing the hover and holler...and then have to do it all anyway. Maybe the pissed is a valid reaction.
SO what the hell do I do now?! My life is a complete contradiction. I do, but I don't. I should, but then...don't. I'm exhausted, but can't sleep.
How do you scream out for relief, when you can't figure out what you need relief from? How do you figure out what will make things easier, better, less defeating- instead of making things harder? worse? more complicated?
I want to hide out from the world, but at the same time already feel too isolated, and alone. Strange to hear from someone with a large family- see what a conundrum I face? Seem locked in this circle of "you can't get there from here, " and "but first..." But when haven't I been?
It would be nice to take a break- but then I couldn't enjoy it- I'd be worrying about all the other things I should be doing instead. Like spending money on my school books- GUILT. Yes, its for a good reason, no- it's not like I am out buying designer text books. Yes, I need them for (more school, more school, more school) before I have a chance to start bringing in some cash rather than just spending it all. I feel like I am taking away from my family- no matter how much I try and convince myself "its for the best... IN THE LONG RUN."
Inpatients. Guilt. Uncertainty. Maybe those are my biggest reasons for my anger- but how in the world to you get over that?
Or if you are me- how do you keep trudging through it- until you can figure out what to do about it all? Sit and smolder...
Classes start again today. I am sort of looking forward to it- but I miss having the kids home schooled. At least when they swarmed- I knew what was going on with them... but then I spend the weekend with everyone and am glad, sort of, that they all head out in the morning. I always hated the thought of using public schools as a daycare- but thats just what it feels like I have done.
I am just so damned mad about everything, and I don't understand why. Why now? Nothing has really changed lately. Same crap to deal with- shouldn't be a big deal, but it's crushing. Most of my latest gripes (whines) could probably fall under the "pity party" heading- but like I mentioned. Things are the way they always are- because that is how I let them go. Not really a change here- so why be upset now?
Can you be completely overwhelmed, and underwhelmed: at the same time? Feel unnoticed, then the Hub of "Why don't I have any clean socks... whats for dinner... what ELSE is there?" ... "Well, I WOULD have done (whatever) if the house wasn't a mess...the kids were quiet..." "I didn't KNOW I was supposed to wash with soap, Start the dishwasher, throw away the pile of garbage after I (sorta) swept the floor."
So which is worse... just doing it myself (and being pissed about it all) or hollering and standing over the short ones while they wiggle and squirm and still don't do it? I think I waste more time, energy, and wind power doing the hover and holler...and then have to do it all anyway. Maybe the pissed is a valid reaction.
SO what the hell do I do now?! My life is a complete contradiction. I do, but I don't. I should, but then...don't. I'm exhausted, but can't sleep.
How do you scream out for relief, when you can't figure out what you need relief from? How do you figure out what will make things easier, better, less defeating- instead of making things harder? worse? more complicated?
I want to hide out from the world, but at the same time already feel too isolated, and alone. Strange to hear from someone with a large family- see what a conundrum I face? Seem locked in this circle of "you can't get there from here, " and "but first..." But when haven't I been?
It would be nice to take a break- but then I couldn't enjoy it- I'd be worrying about all the other things I should be doing instead. Like spending money on my school books- GUILT. Yes, its for a good reason, no- it's not like I am out buying designer text books. Yes, I need them for (more school, more school, more school) before I have a chance to start bringing in some cash rather than just spending it all. I feel like I am taking away from my family- no matter how much I try and convince myself "its for the best... IN THE LONG RUN."
Inpatients. Guilt. Uncertainty. Maybe those are my biggest reasons for my anger- but how in the world to you get over that?
Or if you are me- how do you keep trudging through it- until you can figure out what to do about it all? Sit and smolder...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Year~
It is the official 2008 inaugural blog. About time, huh!!
Seriously, 2008? Already? You have to be kidding!
I don't go in for the resolutions so much- I think you should really try to do the best you can, AS you can... rather than making the big "Im going to..." announcement... and then crash and burn and feel bad when the unrealistic goals are not met. Who needs the extra guilt? I'm a mom - I have plenty of guilt already!
Today, things are starting to get back to the "quasi-normalicy" that is as close to our normal as we ever hope to get to. Steven is back at work- the kids are off at school, the 2 teenies are keeping each other entertained... and I have the coffee pot a workin'. I even have a few days "open" like this before I head back to classes. It would be all peaches IF I was ready for it all, but not quite there yet. At least I have a few days to try and get situated! Ahhh- a little hope out in the universe!~
I spent the better part of the vacation trying to maintain my sanity, and balance... between the kids, the hub, the coffee, and all the holiday STUFF... my mojo was way out of wack. Surviving the vacation... I think I did that. It also happens to be the way I am looking at this new year.
Survival!!
I also was able to help my friend work on her essays for Pharmacy school- very cool. Lots of work, and better her than me... but I was glad I could be somewhat helpful. Now I just have to finish my Nursing Programs paperwork... Financial aid papers, taxes... and finish up (PASS) my 3 remaining pre-reqs... and that portion of my life might be under control.
Well, not a complete cause of stress. At the moment :)
One less worry is always a good thing.
Happy new year- and survival and less stress for us all!
Seriously, 2008? Already? You have to be kidding!
I don't go in for the resolutions so much- I think you should really try to do the best you can, AS you can... rather than making the big "Im going to..." announcement... and then crash and burn and feel bad when the unrealistic goals are not met. Who needs the extra guilt? I'm a mom - I have plenty of guilt already!
Today, things are starting to get back to the "quasi-normalicy" that is as close to our normal as we ever hope to get to. Steven is back at work- the kids are off at school, the 2 teenies are keeping each other entertained... and I have the coffee pot a workin'. I even have a few days "open" like this before I head back to classes. It would be all peaches IF I was ready for it all, but not quite there yet. At least I have a few days to try and get situated! Ahhh- a little hope out in the universe!~
I spent the better part of the vacation trying to maintain my sanity, and balance... between the kids, the hub, the coffee, and all the holiday STUFF... my mojo was way out of wack. Surviving the vacation... I think I did that. It also happens to be the way I am looking at this new year.
Survival!!
I also was able to help my friend work on her essays for Pharmacy school- very cool. Lots of work, and better her than me... but I was glad I could be somewhat helpful. Now I just have to finish my Nursing Programs paperwork... Financial aid papers, taxes... and finish up (PASS) my 3 remaining pre-reqs... and that portion of my life might be under control.
Well, not a complete cause of stress. At the moment :)
One less worry is always a good thing.
Happy new year- and survival and less stress for us all!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Happy Merry Hoho!!
Wow- I ate way too much. Spent way to much. Wrapped A LOT-
Good food- lots of family... and the great unwrap is still a few hours away. Around here, he seems to show up right at the stroke of midnight ... so we are all up at 12:02.
Christmas is a long way off from what it is supposed to be. Everyone is grumpy and tired, instead of happy and peaceful.
Sad isn't it?
Good food- lots of family... and the great unwrap is still a few hours away. Around here, he seems to show up right at the stroke of midnight ... so we are all up at 12:02.
Christmas is a long way off from what it is supposed to be. Everyone is grumpy and tired, instead of happy and peaceful.
Sad isn't it?
Friday, December 14, 2007
UnWritten Mom Definitions
Mom Sleep- (quit giggling!!) Unlike NORMAL human sleep, where you actually go to bed, fall asleep, and then wake up to the screeching blast of the alarm clock... Mom sleep is comprised of 30 second cat naps, falling asleep on the toilet (for the minute or two you don't have someone physically crawling all over you- IF you are lucky enough to have shut, and locked, the door before being discovered.
We don't have set bed times, are usually up after all the kids have been threatened, bribed, physically moved into their own beds. Mom sleep patterns border on the imaginary, because as soon as we THINK about laying down, someone wakes up. "I want a drink," "Where's my ...blanket, flash light, still sticky with glue "art project"... I want it NOOOOOOWWWWW WWwahhhhh." "Mooooommmm... how come, why, whats the meaning of....I NEED _____ for school/ work TOMORROW!!!" All coming to light at the exact moment of realization... that they are supposed to be in bed.
Despite going to bed LATE, and taking care of all the last minute surprises...we finally head to the bed room...after packing lunches/ backpacks, throwing dishes into the sink, starting another load of laundry...with a head full of stuff we need to do for tomorrow.
Our nights are not restful- with cover hoarders, and short people with cold feet sneaking into bed. More than once. More than one kid. Can you carry a kid back to bed, tuck them in, and not be completely conscious to do it? Why yes, you can. The skill comes with the mom title.
Even while "sleeping" in the loosest sense of the word... we are never completely out of it. With every noise... creaking of the bunk beds, bathroom doors opening, lights on (anywhere in the house,) dogs barking, revele at the neighboring military post, the passing train, stray coughs and sneezes sleepy whimpers... we are at attention.
No wonder we space out, huh?
Mom Showers (again- quit with the giggles- this is INFORMATIVE!!) Mom showers usually occur after everyone else in the family has washed, scrubbed, splashed, and used up virtually every last drop of hot water in the house. It starts with a luke warm dribble from the shower head- because someone HAD To start the washing machine (the only time anyone does it with out being coerced of course) Soap, scrub FAST.... because you know a short person will come and throw open the curtain and/ or the luke warm water will run out completely. Once in a while, the toilet will flush and you get the frosty shock of water a little before expected... which makes it all the more the adventure.
Mom Meals - (all right- laugh.) Moms are not... under any circumstances allowed to sit at a meal. We are however given the opportunity to figure out what to make that won't cause revolts and rebellions... among the majority of the "feeders" not ever hoping to make something EVERYONE likes and/ or wants at that specific time/ place/ or state of mind. We might have our good moments, but we are NOT miracle workers. After making a decision (or weenie~ing out and making two) we get to make the meal, serve the meal, clean up the spills, discuss that while we know that child X doesn't like this particular choice, mom still loves them, really. "Wipe your fingers on a napkin- NOT on your brother, don't throw food at your siblings, close your mouth, your sister DOES NOT like it when you do that, no you can't have candy instead..."
By the time Hubby and Monkees get their plate dished up served, and sit down to eat-someone is ready for seconds.... repeat process. By the time THAT is wrapping up, dinner is cold- or gone, and moms are left with whatever is left on baby's plate that hasn't hit the floor first. Usually. The 10 second rule is expanded since Clara showed up...
Half a cold hot dog, and coffee- who could ask for anything more?
More insightful looks into the mom state of mind, and why the hell we are as crazy as we are...coming soon. I ran out of coffee, and value the lives of my children too much not to stop now for more.
We don't have set bed times, are usually up after all the kids have been threatened, bribed, physically moved into their own beds. Mom sleep patterns border on the imaginary, because as soon as we THINK about laying down, someone wakes up. "I want a drink," "Where's my ...blanket, flash light, still sticky with glue "art project"... I want it NOOOOOOWWWWW WWwahhhhh." "Mooooommmm... how come, why, whats the meaning of....I NEED _____ for school/ work TOMORROW!!!" All coming to light at the exact moment of realization... that they are supposed to be in bed.
Despite going to bed LATE, and taking care of all the last minute surprises...we finally head to the bed room...after packing lunches/ backpacks, throwing dishes into the sink, starting another load of laundry...with a head full of stuff we need to do for tomorrow.
Our nights are not restful- with cover hoarders, and short people with cold feet sneaking into bed. More than once. More than one kid. Can you carry a kid back to bed, tuck them in, and not be completely conscious to do it? Why yes, you can. The skill comes with the mom title.
Even while "sleeping" in the loosest sense of the word... we are never completely out of it. With every noise... creaking of the bunk beds, bathroom doors opening, lights on (anywhere in the house,) dogs barking, revele at the neighboring military post, the passing train, stray coughs and sneezes sleepy whimpers... we are at attention.
No wonder we space out, huh?
Mom Showers (again- quit with the giggles- this is INFORMATIVE!!) Mom showers usually occur after everyone else in the family has washed, scrubbed, splashed, and used up virtually every last drop of hot water in the house. It starts with a luke warm dribble from the shower head- because someone HAD To start the washing machine (the only time anyone does it with out being coerced of course) Soap, scrub FAST.... because you know a short person will come and throw open the curtain and/ or the luke warm water will run out completely. Once in a while, the toilet will flush and you get the frosty shock of water a little before expected... which makes it all the more the adventure.
Mom Meals - (all right- laugh.) Moms are not... under any circumstances allowed to sit at a meal. We are however given the opportunity to figure out what to make that won't cause revolts and rebellions... among the majority of the "feeders" not ever hoping to make something EVERYONE likes and/ or wants at that specific time/ place/ or state of mind. We might have our good moments, but we are NOT miracle workers. After making a decision (or weenie~ing out and making two) we get to make the meal, serve the meal, clean up the spills, discuss that while we know that child X doesn't like this particular choice, mom still loves them, really. "Wipe your fingers on a napkin- NOT on your brother, don't throw food at your siblings, close your mouth, your sister DOES NOT like it when you do that, no you can't have candy instead..."
By the time Hubby and Monkees get their plate dished up served, and sit down to eat-someone is ready for seconds.... repeat process. By the time THAT is wrapping up, dinner is cold- or gone, and moms are left with whatever is left on baby's plate that hasn't hit the floor first. Usually. The 10 second rule is expanded since Clara showed up...
Half a cold hot dog, and coffee- who could ask for anything more?
More insightful looks into the mom state of mind, and why the hell we are as crazy as we are...coming soon. I ran out of coffee, and value the lives of my children too much not to stop now for more.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Pthhhhhh- the sound of decompression
I know it's been a few days. Since last we spoke, I have (nearly) completed the Christmas Cash fest... I mean shopping. I took my final in Anatomy and Physiology (and got a B out of the deal!) I have fought with the children about chores, attitudes, not stepping on your baby sister because "she likes it!!"
Why is it the closer we get to a holiday, the stupider people act- including, and ESPECIALLY my kids. I just don't get it.
I need a jolt, coffee isn't lighting the spark it used to~
Winter Blahs? Post final let down? Life?
The house is a mess, but I'll just have to clean it again later. Ditto for the Christmas decorations... sure, it would be nice to have them all out... BUT FIRST... and then I'd have to box 'em all up again later. Washing dishes? Ummmm the paper ones are looking pretty good.
Van issues (volume 732) continue, hoping all the UPS/ USPS/ DHL/ UPS/ and FedEx all make it here on time... but then big deal if they don't, right? Just more crud to walk over!
Life is a series of cycles. Like wrapping presents, I wrap... Clara IMMEDIATELY unwraps... and the process begins again. Quit laughing Pa... it's not funny yet. Give me a few days. The end of everything is just the beginning of something else.
And I am definitely running in circles this week.
Why is it the closer we get to a holiday, the stupider people act- including, and ESPECIALLY my kids. I just don't get it.
I need a jolt, coffee isn't lighting the spark it used to~
Winter Blahs? Post final let down? Life?
The house is a mess, but I'll just have to clean it again later. Ditto for the Christmas decorations... sure, it would be nice to have them all out... BUT FIRST... and then I'd have to box 'em all up again later. Washing dishes? Ummmm the paper ones are looking pretty good.
Van issues (volume 732) continue, hoping all the UPS/ USPS/ DHL/ UPS/ and FedEx all make it here on time... but then big deal if they don't, right? Just more crud to walk over!
Life is a series of cycles. Like wrapping presents, I wrap... Clara IMMEDIATELY unwraps... and the process begins again. Quit laughing Pa... it's not funny yet. Give me a few days. The end of everything is just the beginning of something else.
And I am definitely running in circles this week.
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